The First Avengers
by proudmarveltrash
Summary: Captain America through Avengers. Joanne Moore is a lot of things- doctor, engineer, co-creator of the Super Soldier Serum, and best friend of Howard Stark. So when she falls victim to radiation poisoning, it isn't long before she starts looking for a cure in the form of the same serum that worked wonders for the little guy from Brooklyn. OC *spoilers in reviews*
1. World of Tomorrow

**Chapter One: World of Tomorrow**

I stood backstage with Howard, waiting to go on and show off our new repulsion energy technology. Even though I didn't think it was ready yet, he insisted on showing the car at this year's Stark Industries Expo.

"Welcome to the Modern Marvels Pavilion, and the World of Tomorrow! A greater world. A better world."

I pulled Howard away from the girl so she could take her place onstage. "Come on, that's our cue, Huxley."

He straightened his tie out as I placed his top hat on the top of his head. "Are you ready to shock the world, Susie?"

Huxley and Susie were our own little inside-joke-nicknames for each other. Our favorite comedy movie was Bringing Up Baby starring Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant- _swoon_ \- and we had often joked about how we reminded the other about their characters in the movie. Him, a world-renowned genius scientist. Her, an annoying rich girl who follows him around throughout the whole movie.

Clearly he was happier with his name than I was, but I didn't complain.

"Always, doll," I answered him before flattening any wrinkles on my dress and facing the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Howard Stark and Dr. Joanne Moore!" the brunette girl announced into the microphone, and the audience cheered as we walked onto the stage.

Howard handed one of the dancing girls his hat before pulling the one who'd announced us into a dip kiss. The girls in the crowd were screaming their heads off at that, and I turned towards them to roll my eyes dramatically, fists firm on my hips. "And here I thought we were holding an expo to show off our greatest inventions, not our kissing skills."

Pulling back from the girl, Howard winked at me. "Who says we can't do both?" Laughter bubbled up from the crowd, and the girl he'd just kissed handed Howard the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen," he spoke into it, quickly becoming serious, "what if we told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won't even have to touch the ground… at all?"

Everyone gasped as the girls removed the wheels from the red car to reveal the repulsors stamped with the Stark company logo. As Howard moved to set up the control panel, I took the microphone from him and continued to explain. "That's right, folks. With Stark Gravitic Reversion Technology, you'll be able to do just that." I stepped back to the edge of the stage as Howard pushed a few buttons and slid the red lever up.

The music that filled the room began to build as the car lifted off the ground, and I crossed my fingers behind my back. My good luck obviously had no effect though, as only a few moments later the automobile came crashing back down on the stage, startling the audience.

Howard and I shared one of our famous silent-conversation-looks before shrugging, and Howard chuckled and cleared his throat as he took the microphone out of my hands. "I did say a few years, didn't I?"

He handed the mic back to the girl we'd originally taken it from before taking my hand in his and we left the stage together. "I told you we should have waited until next year to test the flying car," I reminded him.

"Relax, Jo!" he swung me around, clearly pleased with himself. "Didn't you see their faces? They loved it!"

I pulled away from him, shaking my head. "Your self-confidence is absolutely riveting."

He laughed sarcastically, "Yeah, shut up. Don't you need to go find Erskine to go test some more potential super soldiers or something else far, far away from me?"

"Ass."

"A) language," he chided with a quick glare. "B) that's why you love me!"

He swooped in to kiss my cheek, but I stepped away with my arms crossed behind my back. "In your dreams, Stark."

I knew that if I stuck around he would just flirt further, and normally I would have been up for our normal banter, but I'd been abnormally exhausted lately and didn't have the energy to deal with him. So, I went off to find Dr. Erskine in the enlistment center. He wasn't in any of the exam rooms, so I went to check near the entrance, bumping into somebody right as I spotted the man I'd been looking for.

"I'm so sorry," he immediately began apologizing, and I couldn't help but chuckle when he blushed as he looked at my face. "Dr. Moore!" he recognized me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean- I was just going-"

"Please," I dismissed his stammering with a wave of my hand, "just call me Jo, everybody does. And don't worry about it… I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?"

He held his hand out, and I took it in mine to shake it. Based off his small stature, I was surprised to find he had a firm grip. "Steve. Steve Rogers."

"Well, Steve Steve Rogers," I joked, and his blush deepened, "as much as I would love to stay and chat, I'm afraid I have a previous engagement and must be on my way."

"Right, so do I. Have a previous engagement, I mean."

I couldn't help but love how adorable this guy was. Everything he was saying made me laugh, and I hoped he knew I wasn't laughing at him. "Of course. Well, it was a genuine pleasure to meet you, Steve."

"The pleasure was all mine, Dr. Moore."

Patting his shoulder, I flashed him another small smile and corrected, "Seriously, just Jo," before stepping past him to go speak to Erskine, who had been watching the interaction with a grin. "Dr. Abe," I greeted.

"Joanne," he nodded once. "Who was that young man you were just speaking with?"

"That would be Steve Rogers. Why do you ask?"

"He seemed very adamant about enlisting."

I looked over my shoulder even though Steve was long gone, before turning back to Erskine with a quizzical look. "Him? Enlist? He couldn't have weighed more than ninety pounds!"

His smile grew as he went to follow down the same hallway Steve had gone down. "Yes, but that is where we come in, fräulein."

That sly devil. "You want to enlist Steve in the Project Rebirth program?"

He asked the nurse sitting at the welcome station for Steve's file before sending her to clear out the room he would be in. "The boy has heart. Passion. The serum can take care of the rest."

I took the file from Erskine's hands, my eyebrows shooting up to my hairline at the long, _long_ list of physical ailments Steve suffered from. Then, I noticed that this was his fifth time trying to enlist. "He's dedicated, that's for sure."

"I knew you would agree with me, fräulein. Come, let's go meet our newest candidate."

I stepped into Steve's room first, my eyes still poring over the file in my hands. "Thank you," I mumbled to the MP in the room, which he took as his cue to leave. "Steve Steve Rogers," I glanced up to smile at him. "Long time no see, doll."

Erskine came in behind me and took the file from my hand. "So," he asked Steve. "You want to go overseas? Kill some Nazis?"

Steve's expression bounced back and forth between confusion and apprehension. "Excuse me?"

Stepping forward, Erskine held his hand out to shake hand with Steve before introducing himself. "Dr. Abraham Erskine." He pointed towards me. "You've already met Joanne." Steve nodded at me, and I offered him a smile in an attempt to calm him down a bit.

"Steve Rogers," he turned back to Erskine and introduced himself in return.

"You mean to tell me," I put my hands on my hips, mock horror on my face, "I've been calling you the wrong name this entire time?" I shook my head and sighed. "How embarrassing."

Steve finally cracked a little grin, and I was glad to see that he was at least slightly comfortable in the situation. "Where are you from, Dr. Erskine?"

"Queens," Erskine answered simply, and I knew he was just teasing Steve. "73rd Street and Utopia Parkway. Before that, Germany." Beat. "This troubles you?"

"No," he replied easily, and I smiled. Most people automatically didn't trust Germans, and this was just further proof of how innocent and pure Steve's heart was. With every word, I was more and more convinced that he was the perfect choice for Project Rebirth.

"Where are _you_ from, Steve?" I asked, referring to file Erskine was holding and a wary looked crossed the boy's features. "New Haven? Paramus? Five exams, five cities."

He started to sputter something about it being a mix-up, or the wrong file, and Erskine mercifully cut him off. "No, it is not the five exams we're interested in, Mr. Rogers. It's the five tries. But you never answered my original question- do you want to kill Nazis?"

Steve paused a moment. "Is this a test?"

"Yes," Erskine and I nodded once at the same time, and Steve looked between the both of us before taking a deep breath- a precursor to an answer that would steal mine away.

"I don't want to kill anyone. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from."

I was rendered speechless. It wasn't as if the words themselves were anything special, anybody could say them. It was the look of pure sincerity that graced his features. "Well," Erskine spoke, snapping me out of my reverie, "there are already so many big men fighting this war. Maybe what we need now is a little guy, huh?"

As Erskine left, I followed after him and Steve after me. "We can offer you a chance," I told him. "_Just_ a chance."

"I'll take it!" he said immediately, and I almost laughed at his excitement. Even if we had to put him through hell to get there, I already knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Steve was the soldier we would end up with.

"Good. So," Erskine smirked slightly, "where is the little guy from, actually?"

"Brooklyn."

Nodding, Erskine stamped Steve's enlistment form with his seal of approval. "Congratulations, soldier." He left, and I knew I was supposed to follow him, but I couldn't help but pause to watch as Steve beamed down at his file. "Well, Steve Rogers from Brooklyn," I crossed my arms over my stomach. "How does it feel to be a soldier in the United States Army?"

He didn't even hesitate. "Amazing."

I smiled again before stalking off after Erskine. As soon as I caught up, I asked, "He's our guy, isn't he?"

"Oh, yes."

"Phillips won't like it, you know," I asked, eyebrows slightly raised.

With a reassuring pat on the soldier, Erskine leaned in and mumbled, "Then it's a good thing Colonel Phillips is not the one to make the choice, yes?"

Laughing, I half-hugged Erskine by wrapping an arm around his shoulder as we walked. "I knew I loved you for a reason, Dr. Abe."


	2. One Man

**Chapter Two: One Man **

I wandered around the army base, inspecting each recruit that I passed. Since I was working with Howard and Dr. Erskine on choosing the prime candidate for Project Rebirth, it was expected of me to oversee the training rituals as well. Despite the fact that I was wearing a borrowed uniform, the men at the army base still weren't used to seeing a lady walking around, hence the constant staring. It would have bothered me if I weren't so used to men staring at me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not all that conceited, but Howard Stark generally didn't work with unattractive people, especially when said people were the second face of his entire company.

"Recruits, attention!" a female voice caught my attention, and I turned to see a woman I recognized as Peggy Carter intimidating the most recent batch of soldiers to come on base. I wandered over to watch with a small smirk, knowing that there would be at least one idiot that doubted a woman could do what Peggy did. "Gentlemen, I am Agent Carter. I supervise all operations for this division."

"What's with the accent, Queen Victoria?" Ah, and the idiot reveals themselves. "I thought I was signing up for the U.S. Army."

"What's your name, soldier?"

"Gilmore Hodge, Your Majesty." I didn't even feel bad for what I knew was about to happen to the sap.

"Step forward, Hodge!" Peggy commanded, and to his credit he did listen, albeit with an arrogance to rival Howard's. "Put your right foot forward."

"Hm? We gonna wrassle?" The other soldiers were being handed their assignments, I noticed, but kept my attention on the show. "Because I got a few moves I know you'll like."

Yep, that did it. Peggy socked that son of a bitch so hard I'm sure his mother felt it when he hit the ground.

"Well done, Peggy!" I laughed, and she acknowledged me with a nod and a small smile.

Another man who shared my enthusiasm for Peggy's violence joined the group, calling out, "Agent Carter!"

Her smile dropped as she offered a quick salute. "Colonel Phillips."

"I see you're breaking in the candidates. That's good!" He saw me standing with one hand on my hip and the other brushing my hair back into its poor excuse of a bun. "Joanne."

"Oh, please, Colonel. How many time must I tell you? My friends call me Jo. You may call me Dr. Moore."

He shook his head and ignored me, used to my sarcasm at this point, before turning back to face the man on the ground- Hodge. "Get your ass up out of that dirt and stand in that line at attention till somebody comes and tells you what to do, boy."

"Yes, sir!" came his quick response. Why couldn't he just respect Peggy that quickly? Men.

Phillips delved into the same speech he used on all the new recruits. Wars are fought with weapons, but won by men, blah blah. Boring. I took a small step forward to stand at Peggy's side. "I love when you hit them," I whispered, and a little grin tugged at the edge of her lips.

"Hello to you too, Dr. Moore."

"Why is the matter of my name such a difficult subject for everybody to grasp? Phillips calls me Dr. Moore, Stark employees call me Miss Moore, my friends call me Jo, and Howard calls me Susie. So, Peggy. Let's try again." I cleared my throat and repeated myself. "I love when you hit them."

The little grin had grown into a full blown smile. "Hello to you too, Jo."

"Much better, darling." I had met Peggy earlier on in the war, when Howard and I were first asked to help develop the Vita-Ray machine for the Super Soldier Program. As the only other woman involved (except the multiple nurses and showgirls, but I didn't count them as actually involved in the project), she was tasked with what was essentially being my babysitter. I knew she resented it at first, but we quickly grew close over our mutual respect/annoyance with Phillips, not to mention the fact that we both thought the way we were seen as less just because we had a uterus instead of a penis was absolute bullshit.

It was at this point that I realized Phillips was staring at Steve with a weird expression before turning to Erksine with an 'are-you-shitting-me' look. Abe didn't even flinch. Seriously, I love that guy.

"Every army starts with one man, and at the end of this week, we will choose that man," Phillips continued. "He will be the first in a new breed of super-soldier. And they will personally escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of hell."

Once he was finished, the recruits were sent off to begin their first day of training. "Come with me," Peggy whispered as she wandered off in the opposite direction of Phillips. With a quick pat on Erskine's shoulder, I was right behind her.

"Where are we off to, Peggy?"

"You'll see."

She took me to watch the soldiers training, and it made my blood boil to see that they were all ganging up on Steve. If I didn't know that it would only make matters worse, I would smack every single one of them upside the head and force them to apologize to him. Of course, I did know that would only make them resent him more, so I bit my tongue and watched.

At one point, the boys were going to run around an impossibly long track. Luckily, Peggy and I were offered a ride in the Jeep that would be leading them, so I wouldn't actually have to do any of the running. We had just barely passed a flag pole, and were waiting for the recruits to catch up.

"So, the little one," Peggy turned to me, a questioning look clear in her eyes. "Yours or Erskine's?"

She knew me so well. "Both, really. He's a lot more than meets the eye, I can promise you that."

"Oh?"

"He may not look like much, but he's got a better heart than the rest of the guys here combined. He's brave, and passionate. I couldn't think of a better choice for the project."

Peggy chuckled as the boys came into view behind us. "Well, hopefully the serum does what Erskine says it will. The boy can have all the heart, bravery and passion he wants, but it won't do him any favors if the wind carries him off before he gets the chance to take anyone down."

"Squad, halt!" Peggy and I turned to see the drill instructor yelling at his men.

"What's this?" I asked Peggy, but she just smiled and returned to the paperwork she had open in her lap.

"That flag means we're only at the halfway point," the instructor explained, and I rested my elbows against the metal of the car to watch what happened. "First man to bring it to me gets a ride back with Agent Carter and Dr. Moore! Move, move!"

They immediately sprung into action, scrambling over each other to try and climb the slick pole. None of them even made it halfway up. "Nobody's got that flag in seventeen years!" the instructor yelled at them. "C'mon, fall back into formation! Let's get moving!"

The smallest of the recruits lingered behind- Steve. I watched with rapt attention, one eyebrow raised with curiosity, as he ignored the shouts of his superior and walked straight up to the abandoned pole. "Rogers! I said, fall in!" Continuing to ignore the man, Steve reached down and pulled the small metal supports out from the bottom of the pole, causing it to collapse to the ground.

The sound made Peggy turn back to watch with me, and it took every fibre of my being to not burst into laughter at the look on the rest of the boys' faces as Steve casually snatched the flag off the ground, rolled it up, and handed it to his instructor, still managing to use his manners as he thanked the man before climbing into the backseat next to me in the Jeep.

"What did I say, Peggy?" I chuckled. "This one's the man for the job." I smacked the top of Steve's helmet as a small blush crept onto his cheeks and we pulled forward, leaving the dumbstruck soldiers behind us to finish the second half of their run.

* * *

It was the final day of training before we made our decision for Project Rebirth, and things were about to get much more interesting.

"Move it!" Peggy shouted as Erskine and I followed behind Phillips.

"You're not really thinking about picking Rogers, are you?" Phillips questioned- not for the first time, I might add.

"I wasn't just thinking about it," Erskine adjusted his glasses. "He is the clear choice."

"When you brought a ninety pound asthmatic onto my army base, I let it slide. I thought," he shrugged, "what the hell? Maybe he'd be useful to you, like a gerbil. I never thought you'd pick him."

"Like Dr. Abe here says, Colonel," I spoke up, crossing my arms across my chest. Lately I'd been feeling cold no matter how high the temperature rose. "Steve is the clear choice. How many times do we have to explain to you that this is about much, much more than a person's physicality?"

"Stick a needle in that kid's arm, it's gonna go right through him," he continued to complain as we arrived at the truck to watch Peggy boss the boys around some more. "Look at that." Erskine and I watched as Steve struggled to keep up with everyone else's jumping jacks. "He's making me cry."

Phillips was always a pain in my ass, but now he was just pissing me off. "We know what we're looking for, Colonel, and Steve Rogers is it. You may know how to train some of the best soldiers this counties every seen, but Dr. Erskine and I know how to make them even better. You," I pointed at his chest, "train the recruits. We," I motioned to Erskine and myself, "decide who the best candidate is. It's our choice, not yours, and I'm damn glad it is."

"Do you know how long it took to set up this project?"

"Considering we're the ones who set it up?" I scoffed and pulled my arms even tighter against my chest. "Yes. We do."

"What about all the groveling I had to do in front of Senator What's-His-Name's committee? You weren't around for that."

Erskine cut in, most likely sensing that I was about to blow my lid at this guy. "Brandt. Yes, we know. We are well aware of your efforts."

"Then throw me a bone, doctor. Hodge passed every test we gave him. He's big, he's fast. He obeys orders- he's a soldier."

"He's a bully," I recalled Steve's opinion on bullies and turned to watch as Hodge completed the tests thrown at him with a smug grin.

"You don't win wars with niceness, princess."

Oh, that was it. "You mother-"

Phillips ignored me as he stepped around me to grabbed a grenade before pulling the pin. "You win wars with guts." He's tossed the explosive towards the group of recruits. "Grenade!"

I watched as they scurried, some running for their lives while others ducked behind cover, all of them shouting incoherently.

All except one. "Get away!" Steve yelled as he curled into a ball over the dud. "Get back!"

With a smirk, I walked backwards towards Steve, still facing Phillips. "Guts indeed, Colonel."

Phillips looked defeated, while Erskine smiled as if he was about to jump for joy. "Is this a test?"

I turned back to see a very confused looking Steve, still sitting next to the grenade. "Yes, it was." I held my hand out to help him up, which he took gratefully. "And you passed with flying colors, darling."

"He's still skinny," I heard muttered behind me, and I pressed a fist to my mouth to keep myself from giggling like a child.


	3. Pain

**Chapter Three: Pain **

Howard arrived at the lab late that afternoon to help me set up where we would be conducting the procedure. "I hear from Peggy that you and Erskine picked a real winner."

I could practically hear the sarcasm dripping off his tone, but he hadn't met Steve yet so I let it slide. You learn to do that when you're forced to work with the infamous 'Stark Snark' almost 24/7. "We did."

"The little guy." He continued, but I ignored him as I set up the record player to play 'Lover Man' by Sarah Vaughan. "The underdog," he chuckled as he adjusted the controls to the Vita-Ray machine. "You always have had a thing for little guys."

"I have not," I disagreed defiantly, moving to look over his shoulder and make sure he wasn't breaking anything. "Besides, if our invention works, he won't be the little guy much longer."

"And that's when you'll jump his bones."

I smacked the back of his head and stepped back when he tried to retaliate by shoving his elbow back towards my gut. "Too slow, Huxley," I taunted, laughing.

He looked over his shoulder at me, one eyebrow raised as he smirked. "Is that a challenge, Susie?" I appeared overly casual- shrugging largely and taking big steps around the little lab that everybody would be filing into later that night to test the serum.

"Oh, I don't know. Do you want it to be?"

He turned to face me fully now. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were flirting with me, Miss Moore."

"Well it's a good thing you know better then, isn't it?" I half-smiled and he rolled his eyes. Howard and I had a complicated relationship that nobody other than ourselves seemed to understand. We shared everything- from our tools in the lab to ourselves. Neither of us had the time or dedication for a committed relationship, not that either of us really cared about having one in the first place. The best way to describe us would be friends with benefit, but it was deeper one using the other. We truly loved each other, just not in the traditional, romantic sense.

We found it best to keep it to ourselves, considering we were almost constantly in the public eye and most of the world was a lot less open-minded than we were.

As I stood there staring at Howard, a violent chill crept down my spine, causing me to shudder and cling to myself involuntarily. "Am I really that dashing, you can't help but... Susie?" Howard started to joke before realizing that I was stumbling back against the wall, trying to suppress the shudders and coughing fit. He abandoned the Vita-Ray machine to come hold my shoulders, supporting almost all my weight as I felt the overwhelming urge to collapse. "Susie? Talk to me, doll."

"I'm fine," I chattered. "It's nothing. Just cold."

"That's bullshit and you know it," he shook his head. "You've been like this a lot lately."

I waited until the fatigue passed to gently pull his hands from my shoulders. "Seriously, Huxley. I'm fine. Just overworked, I guess."

He stared at me for another minute with pursed lips. "This is what happens when I'm not around to look after you, isn't it?"

I laughed at that. "Really? You can't even look after yourself, Howard."

"I take offense at that."

"Good. Maybe you'll straighten yourself out."

He took my joking demeanor to mean that I was feeling better and squeezed my hands before stepping back. "That'll be the day, Susie."

"Stark, Moore." I pushed off the wall to see Phillips standing at the entrance. "Is the machine ready?"

Howard answered as I turned off the music. "Completely. All we need is Erskine's serum and Steve to get things hopping."

Shortly after, the lab was filled with chattering doctors and scientists. Peggy walked in, followed by Steve, and the room stilled- now silent.

"Good morning," Erskine greeted Steve, shaking his hand, and I heard the distinct shutter of a camera snapping a picture, causing Erskine to jump slightly. He asked the camera man to leave before turning back to Steve, who was staring anxiously at the Vita-Ray machine Howard and I had spent ages preparing for this moment. "Are you ready?" Steve nodded. "Good. Take off your shirt, your tie and your hat."

Steve looked anxious, so I stepped away from the controls to pat the side of the machine he was about to climb into. "No worries, Steve." He glanced at me with a small smile before turning his attention to undoing his tie. "Howard and I built this baby especially for you. Well, for whoever was picked. Who was you." Peggy gave me a look that clearly said 'you-aren't-helping-so-shut-up'. Which I ignored completely. "Congratulations on that, by the way. And you're welcome, I suppose, since I had half the say in who got chosen."

"Thanks," he replied after having stripped down to just his pants. I wasn't sure which he was thanking me for- the congratulations or picking him- but I decided it didn't matter. He laid flat on the machine, and I stepped away so Erskine could have a moment with him.

Exactly one moment later, he asked without turning, "Mr. Stark, how are our levels?"

"Levels at 100 percent," Howard answered, stepping forward to finally meet Steve. "We may dim half the lights in Brooklyn, but we are ready... as we'll ever be." He was looking Steve over like one of his machines, and I kicked his ankle where nobody would see. After shooting me a quick glare, he smiled at Steve. "Nice to meet you, kid. Susie wouldn't shut up about how fantastic you are."

"Susie?"

I raised my hand, "That would be me. Susie is Howard's nickname for me, named after Katharine Hepburn's character in the movie-"

"Bringing Up Baby," Steve finished and I nodded with a little grin. "It's one of my favorites."

"Mine too," I agreed. "That's why he calls me Susie, and I call him Huxley. A little inside joke." Erskine reminded Peggy that she should move up to the booth, and I winked at Steve, "You'll do great, kiddo," before moving back to my place with Howard. I didn't miss, however, the little looks between Steve and Peggy.

I could not have supported the notion of them as a couple more.

Erskine flicked the microphone to catch everyone's attention. "Ladies and gentlemen, today we take not another step towards annihilation, but the first step in the path to peace." He began to explain the procedure, and I took a deep breath to fight back another wave of fatigue.

"Not now," I muttered to myself. Warmth spread over my back, and I glanced to my left to see it was Howard's hand. I smiled and he raised an eyebrow, non-verbally asking if I was alright. I nodded and his hand was gone a second later, the warmth with it, and I was freezing from the inside out once again.

"Serum infusion, beginning in five," Erskine counted down, "four, three, two, one." The switch was flipped, and Erskine nodded in mine and Howard's direction. "Now, Mr. Stark." The Vita-Ray machine moved to an upright position, and closed in around Steve. After asking Steve if he was alright, he turned back to us. "We will proceed."

I cranked up the dial to start the Vita-Rays, and Howard counted out the numbers. "Ten percent. Twenty percent. Thirty... Fifty percent." Somebody called out that the vitals were normal, and I continued to increase the dosage. "Sixty. Seventy."

Steve started screaming, and I turned back to face the machine. I knew it was going to be painful as his cells scrambled to mix with the serum, but actually hearing him in pain made my headache from earlier come racing back full force. Erskine stepped up to the machine calling Steve's name, and Peggy was screaming for us to shut it down.

"Kill the reactors, Dr. Moore! Turn them off!" Erskine's voice became muddled as I struggled to hold myself up with the help of the control panel.

"Jo?" Howard's voice, laced with concern, sounded next to me but my vision was blurring too much for me to make out his face.

Steve was yelling something about being able to do this, but his pain was forced to the back of my mind as my own body began to ache. "Joanne?" Howard asked again, and even though I'm pretty sure he was yelling, everything sounded like it was coming from the bottom of a lake.

"I'm okay," I said to nobody in particular- I didn't even know if anybody was listening. "Focus on Steve, I'm okay."

"Mr. Stark?!" I heard Erskine. That was good, even if it still sounded watery. Whatever this was, was passing.

The sound of the Vita-Ray machine opening made me take a deep breath and use my remaining strength to turn around. I didn't even notice that Howard was holding me up until then. "I said I'm okay."

He ignored me. "As soon as we're out of here, I'm getting Erskine to look you over."

I shook my head at his worry, but didn't argue with him further. It was obvious that something was wrong, and it was equally as obvious that Howard wasn't going to just drop it. I instead chose to focus on the man in the Vita-Ray machine. I repeat- _man._ "Holy crap," I sighed at the sight of him. "We did it."

Erskine helped Steve (not that he needed anyone's help with much of anything anymore) out of the machine. "I did it," Steve sounded astonished.

"Yeah, yeah. I think we did it," Erskine corrected, repeating my words, and I laughed as I stepped forward with Howard to inspect Steve closer.

"We fucking did it," I laughed louder this time.

"Language, Susie." I rolled my eyes.

Peggy came bounding down those stairs, faster than I'd ever seen her run before, and stopped right in front of Steve. "How do you feel?"

He looked around for a minute, panting. "Taller."

"Um… you- you look taller." Howard and I exchanged knowing looks at that one. Peggy was crushing _hard_. She handed Steve a plain white shirt.

Everyone was huddled together, congratulating everybody else. Everyone, I noticed, except Erskine. "Dr. Abe?" I asked, pushing away from Howard to stand closer to my mentor.

_Boom._

The explosion ripped through the little lab, and most of the doctors/scientists dropped to the ground. Erskine and I were the first to look over to the only man who hadn't dropped, currently grabbing the last vial of the super soldier serum. "Stop him!" we shouted at the same time. The undercover man turned back and fired a bullet straight into Erskine's chest before making his escape.

"_Abe!_" I screamed, shoving a man out of the way to kneel over him, and Steve dropped to his knees next to me. Erskine glanced at me before turning to our very own super soldier and pointing towards his heart. Sadness, confusion, and finally determination all crossed Steve's face when I shoved his shoulder. "Get the serum," I commanded, and he flew into action chasing after the man, Peggy on his heels. I turned back to the man who had brought me onto this project in the first place, ready to plead him to stay with me, but saw that I was too late.

Erskine, and the last of the serum, were gone.


	4. Not A Word

**Chapter Four: Not a Word**

After the lab was cleared out, I sat with my back resting against the Vita-Ray machine, clutching the few notes Erskine ever made in my lap. This was where Peggy found me. "You can't stay in here forever."

"I wasn't planning on it."

After a few seconds of silence, she leaned back against the controls opposite of me, crossing her arms over her chest. "What happened today?"

I looked up from the encrypted papers to meet her eyes. "A lot happened today. Steve's wildest dreams came true- all of our wildest dreams came true. Erskine died. Some lunatic blew up-"

"You know what I'm talking about. Stop using Howard's defense mechanism, it doesn't suit you."

"Like it suits him?"

"Jo."

We stared each other down another moment, and I conceded first. It was stupid to try and win against Peggy in a stubbornness contest. "Radiation poisoning," I admitted. "I assume it's from working too closely with the Vita-Rays for so long." I chuckled, rubbing the bridge of my nose to uselessly fight off the permanent headache. "I'm actually surprised Howard doesn't have it too. He always was a lucky bastard."

Another minute of silence for Peggy to digest that I'd basically just told her I'm dying. "How long do you have?"

"However long the universe decides to give me. Think I'll have long enough to convince Steve to get into bed with me? Because he was handsome before, sure, but that serum did him nothing but favors."

"Stop."

I matched her level gaze once again. "Why? What're you going to do, Peggy? Kill me? Sorry, but you'll just have to get in line."

She pushed off the controls, stepping closer to me. "Stop joking about this, Joanne. You dying is _not_ a joke. Not to me."

"Sorry," I shrugged, a half-smile still playing at the edge of my lips. "I guess I didn't get the memo."

"You're impossible," she scoffed, rubbing her forehead in exasperation. "Does anybody else know?"

I waved the papers in my lap a little. "Erskine knew."

"And he let you continue to work with the Vita-Rays?"

I shrugged again. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "It wasn't like me stopping would make the radiation just disappear."

She nodded, and I was glad she was at least trying to understand. "What about Howard?"

"No." I stood so I could match her height, wanting to be perfectly clear in my next statement. "Howard doesn't know, and Howard isn't going to know."

"I thought you two told each other everything?"

"This isn't something he needs to know."

"Jo-"

"Peggy," I cut her off, "I swear to whatever higher power there is- if you breathe a word of this to Howard, I _will_ kill you myself."

She looked me over with pursed lips, before sighing. "I knew it."

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "Knew what?"

"You're in love with him."

A bubble of laughter sounded from my tight chest. Every part of me hurt constantly, but I did my best to hide it. "I am _not_ in love with Howard Stark."

"You're a terrible liar," she shook her head, settling her hands against her hips.

"Howard is my best friend, Peggy. We've looked out for each other ever since we were teenagers. Now, I would be lying if I said there was no physical attraction, but nearly every female on this green earth is physically attracted to Howard. And I don't mean to brag, but-" I made an exaggerated motion towards myself, smirk plastered on my face. "-I'm definitely something to look at too. So unless you'd like me to explain in full detail just how very adult Howard and I can be about dealing with physical attraction with no strings attached-"

She quickly held a hand up, the other flying to cover her mouth. "I get the idea, thank you very much."

I chuckled at her response before moving to take her hands in mine. "Don't worry about me, darling. I can take care of myself. And just to reiterate-" I squeezed her hands tightly. "Not a word to Howard. Ever. Okay?" I knew she wanted to argue, but was infinitely grateful when she decided to drop it instead. I barely had the energy to get around these days, so I definitely didn't have the energy to convince her further into keeping my secret. "Lovely. Now seriously- about getting Steve into bed with me…"

* * *

I walked into the room Steve was giving his blood in to see the nurse just finishing up.

"Think you got enough?" he asked, motioning to what looked like at least two dozen vials of his blood.

"Pretty much all hope of reproducing the serum is hidden away inside your genetic code," I explained. "Without Erskine it'll take a lot longer, but if I can decrypt these-" I held up the file containing his notes "-hopefully I'll be able to do it."

It was weird when Steve walked up to the sink I was leaning against and I had to look up to see his face. "He deserved more than this."

"They always do," I agreed before offering him the best smile I could manage. "Besides, if there could only ever be one success, Abe would be proud it was you. Especially instead of that Hodge character," I attempted to lighten the mood. "I mean really, he was just a downright ass if you ask me."

He cracked a small grin and met my eyes. "You know, you curse more than any other woman I've ever met."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

After explaining the basics of the serum's effects to Steve, I was told by a nurse that Howard needed my help in the engineering room.

When I arrived, I found a large submarine suspended over a table that I was positive hadn't been there before. "Well, this is new."

Howard glanced at me before turning his attention back to the inside of the sub. "This is what that HYDRA guy was going to use to escape." He continued to explain as I moved to stand next to him and pushed the sleeves back on my uniform. "I've been tasked with figuring out how it ticks, which is proving to be a lot more difficult than I originally thought. Speaking of collapsing…"

I sighed and bumped him over with my hip when he stopped working to take over for him. "I didn't collapse."

"You would have if your knight in shining armor wasn't there to catch you."

I gasped dramatically as my hand flew over my heart. "Cary Grant was in the lab, and you didn't tell me until now? Remind me to thank him properly later, would you?"

Howard was obviously unimpressed at my attempt to change the subject. "What aren't you telling me, Jo?"

With a shrug, I turned back to the engine of the sub. "Nothing much. Just the fact that you were right about me wanting to jump Steve's bones- but who doesn't these days, am I right?"

"Joanne."

"Oh, would everybody just stop calling me that?" I groaned. "You know how much I hate that name."

"I don't care," his voice dropped, which was even scarier than when he got louder, because I was used to Howard being loud and obnoxious. When he was quiet, he was serious. I didn't want to be serious. "You're keeping something from me, which is against the rules."

I snorted. "What rules?"

"_Our_ rules."

"We have rules?"

"God dammit, Jo," he sighed, just like Peggy had when I was putting off telling her earlier. He wasn't going to get it out of me though. "Yes, we have rules. And one of them is that we don't lie to each other."

"I've never been one for following the rules."

Any further bickering was interrupted by Senator Brandt's booming voice. "Colonel Phillips, my committee is demanding answers!"

"Great!" Phillips responded with fake enthusiasm, rounding the lab tables to stand on the platform above me and Howard. "Why don't we start with how a German spy got a ride to my secret installation in your car?" He didn't wait for an answer before turning to look down at the submarine. "What do we got here?"

"Speaking modestly," I pulled my hands out of the engine to wipe the grease off with a nearby rag, "Howard and I are the best mechanical engineers in the country, and neither of us have the foggiest idea of what's inside of this thing or how it works."

"We're not even close to this technology," Howard agreed.

The senator wasn't impressed with that answer. "Well then who is?"

"HYDRA," Phillips answered. "I'm sure you've been reading our briefings.

"I'm on a number of committees, Colonel."

"I'll take that as no, you haven't read them," I called up to him.

He glared at me before moving his attention to Peggy, who had just walked in with Steve behind her and was explaining what HYDRA was. "HYDRA is the Nazi deep-science division. It's led by Johann Schmidt. But he has much bigger ambitions."

I nodded and returned to looking over the sub, listening to Phillips' further explanation. "HYDRA is practically a cult. They worship Schmidt, they think he's invincible."

"So what are you gonna do about it?" the senator questioned.

As the men walked away, Phillips explaining that the SSR was being retasked to go after HYDRA, Howard gripped my arm to get my attention. "We're talking about your little episode more later."

I didn't get the chance to respond when Phillips called after us, "You too, Stark. Dr. Moore. We're flying to London tonight."

"Sir?" Steve asked, stopping the Colonel from leaving. "If you're going after Schmidt, I want in."

"You're an experiment," Phillips turned him down immediately. "You're going to Alamogordo."

"The serum worked-"

"I asked for an army, and all I got was you. You are not enough." After quite _rudely_ refusing Steve, he turned and left.

I stepped out of the hole I was standing in to argue that Steve _was_ enough, but Senator Brandt beat me to it by walking up to Steve and saying, "With all due respect to the Colonel, I think we may be missing the point. I've seen you in action, Steve. More importantly, the country's seen it. Paper," he motioned to a man in a hat who presented a newspaper and the Senator continued. "The enlistment lines have been around the block since your picture hit the newsstands. You don't take a soldier- a symbol- like that, and hide him in a lab. Son, do you want to serve your country on the most important battlefield of the war?"

Steve's face lit up, and his answer was touching, as always. "Sir, that's _all _I want."

"Then congratulations, you just got promoted."


	5. Captain America

**Chapter Five: Captain America**

Steve's 'promotion' turned out to be becoming Captain America- the Star Spangled Man with a Plan.

The gin I'd been drinking almost shot out of my nose the first time I heard him on the radio trying to sell bonds, I was laughing so hard.

They had live shows, TV commercials, radio commercials, movie previews, comic books, posters- all plastered with Steve's masked face. It was the perfect mixture of adorable and embarrassing to get all of America all riled up to go off to war against the Nazis.

All of America, that is, except for the soldiers who were fighting to defend it.

"Now how many of you are ready to help me sock old Adolf on the jaw?" Steve asked confidently over the microphone after the girls finished singing the same number I'd heard a million and three times, only to have the same soldiers he'd been training with only weeks ago to stare blankly back at him.

This was the embarrassing part I mentioned earlier.

"Okay," his smile fell a bit at the unusual lack of cheering. Or any response at all. "Uh. I need a volunteer!"

"I already volunteered! How do you think I got here?" I peeked around the curtain to see that none other than everyone's favorite asshole Hodge was the one who had yelled at the Captain.

"Bring back the girls!" another soldier yelled, and Steve looked to me, standing offstage.

I shrugged, not sure what he expected me to do. "I think they only know the one song, but um…" he said in the mic before looking at me again, and I could practically feel the panic rolling off of him. "Let me- I- I'll see what I can do."

"Yeah, you do that, sweetheart!"

"Nice boots, Tinkerbell!"

"C'mon guys," Steve tried again. "We're all on the same team here."

One of the soldiers flashed his ass at Steve and I looked away. "That's just mean," I muttered to myself as everyone backstage wondered what to do. It wasn't until they started throwing food at him that he finally left the stage, replaced by the showgirls running back out. "Jokes on them, Steve," I put my hand on his shoulder as we walked down the steps together. "They were just wasting their own rations. We'll see whose laughing when they don't eat dinner tonight, am I right, doll?"

He gave me a look that very clearly said he wasn't in the mood for jokes. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Stark working on recreating the serum?"

I dropped my hand from his shoulder to shrug and cross my arms over my dress. It was the first time I'd worn one since meeting him, and I could tell he was avoiding looking at me, which made me chuckle under my breath. "Yeah, I probably should be. I wanted to catch the show though."

"Wasn't much of one."

I ignored that last comment. "Peggy's here too." He immediately stopped walking and looked over his shoulder, as if she had been following behind us. "Not _here _here, Steve. Just around." I raised an eyebrow and poked his side. That probably would have knocked him over before the procedure. "You and Peggy, huh?"

He looked back to me, a blush building steadily from his cheeks to his neck. "What about us?"

"Oh, don't play innocent, Captain Rogers. The two of you are in caboodles, aren't you?"

His face went from embarrassed to confused. "Caboodles?"

"You know." He didn't. I rolled my eyes. "You'll figure it out soon enough, I suppose." I was about to wander off towards the medical tent, but stopped myself. "Steve." He stopped walking too, and looked down at me to meet my rarely serious eyes. "Erskine and I didn't sacrifice all that we did so you could sing show tunes in a pair of fancy tights. He didn't die for you to be ridiculed by soldiers who couldn't even dream of being half the man you are. I didn't subject myself to…" I trailed off before I could mention the radiation slowly eating away at my cells, shaking my head. "You're better than this. No matter what Phillips or Brandt tell you or try to make you do- you are a soldier. _The _soldier. You'd do well to remember that."

* * *

I had been busying myself with avoiding Howard the last hour or so when Peggy and Steve came sprinting up to me. "Hey, lovebirds, what's the-"

"Where's Stark?" Peggy cut me off, while Steve was blushing at the fact that I'd called them lovebirds. Seriously, he was way too innocent for his own good, especially if he was going to be spending time around me.

"Howard?" I asked before shrugging. "I don't have any idea. Tell me if you find him though, so I know where to avoid."

Peggy smirked and grabbed my arm. "No such luck, Jo."

Before I could even ask where she was dragging me off to, we were halfway across the camp and headed towards a very irritated looking Howard. When he spotted us approaching him, he pointed a finger at me. "You, young lady. You have been avoiding me."

Peggy released my arm to grab Howard's. "Save it for the plane, Stark."

"Plane?" Howard and I asked at the same time, and I questioned further. "What plane?"

Neither Steve nor Peggy answered as I followed behind them to the hangar. Peggy pushed Howard towards one of the smaller armored aircrafts. "You're taking us to Azzano. Now."

"Azzano? The Nazi camp?" Howard scoffed before looking at each of us in turn, finally shaking his head at the plane. "Why didn't you just ask?"

Of course he would take them. I didn't know why they were going or what any of this nonsense was about, but I knew they wouldn't take the time to explain it. "Not that this isn't all fine and dandy, but why the hell are you bringing me?"

"Simple," Peggy shrugged. "I promised Stark I would bring you to him if I found you wandering about. The three of us need to have a chat, and if we leave without you we can't be certain you'll be here when we get back."

This wasn't helping my headache at all. I was ready to run when Steve placed a hand on my back. It was gentle, but also assured me that running wasn't going to work. "We don't have any time to waste," Steve said as the four of us (one of us unwillingly) boarded the plane.

As we neared the border of Austria, Peggy went over the plan with Steve again. I listened in, sitting in the chair diagonal from Howard in the pilot seat, watching Peggy move her hand over the map while Steve fastened on his gear. "The HYDRA camp is in Kreuzberg, tucked between these two mountain ranges. It's a factory of some kind."

"We should be able to drop you right on the doorstep," Howard called back.

"Just get me as close as you can," Steve argued. "You three are gonna be in a lot of trouble when you land."

I laughed once. "You'll be in a lot more trouble than us, doll."

Steve turned his attention to me with a small smile, but his voice was serious. "Where I'm going, if anybody yells at me I can just shoot 'em."

"They will undoubtedly shoot back," Peggy pointed out and Steve smacked his shield.

"Well, then let's hope this is good for something."

"Hey, Susie," Howard yelled again. "If we're not in too much of a hurry, I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late-night fondue. You can join us, if you'd like, Agent Carter."

The plane was silent for a moment as I ran my hands down my face. Even when he was pissed at me, on top of the fact that we were headed straight for almost certain death, Howard found the time to crack jokes. I knew I loved the man for a reason.

Peggy ignored his quip, assuring Steve that Stark was the best civilian pilot she'd ever seen.

"Yeah, Huxley's a real gem," I chuckled. "He's crazy enough to fly you straight into Austria. You're lucky you met us, kiddo."

Steve nodded for a moment before gesturing between Howard and I. "So, are you two? Do you… fondue?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding what he was implying. "This is your transponder," Peggy cut in, drawing his attention back to her. "Activate it when you're ready and the signal will lead us straight to you."

"Are you sure this thing works?"

"It's been tested more than you pal," Howard looked over his shoulder before quickly turning back when the plane shook as it was bombarded with gunfire.

Steve jumped out of his seat and went to open the door. "Woah, woah, woah, kiddo!" I shouted, standing from my seat as Peggy moved to grab him.

"Get back here, we're taking you all the way in!"

He ignored both of us. "As soon as I'm clear you three turn this thing around and get the hell out of here!"

"You can't give me orders!" Peggy continued to hold him back in the plane.

Steve stood right in front of the door, shaking off Peggy's hand. "The hell I can't! I'm a captain!" He pulled the goggles down over his eyes before leaping from the plane.

"Fucking hell," I shook my head as I dropped back into my seat, grabbing the sides of my head. The noise alone was cranking my headache up from a dull throbbing to a full-blown migraine, not to mention the constant rocking of the plane as Howard swung it around in a U-turn.

As soon as we were back out of Austria and we were safe from further gunfire, Howard turned back to face me. "Alright, Jo. You are going to tell me _exactly _what the hell is wrong with you. Right. Now."


	6. Return

**Chapter Six: Return**

"Can you just fucking drop it, Howard?"

We had been flying for close to four hours- four hours filled with constant badgering from Howard to tell him what I was keeping from him and Peggy threatening to tell him if I didn't. I think the fact that Peggy knew something about me that he didn't pissed him off even more.

"No, Joanne, I can't just fucking drop it. You've been lying to me, and I don't much appreciate that. Now, you are going to tell me what the hell is making you so sick, or I swear to God I will crash this plane straight into the ocean!"

"Just tell him!" Peggy yelled, tired of listening to us go back and forth. "For the love of all that is holy, Jo, just _tell him_."

I snapped. "I have radiation poisoning, okay?! I'm _dying_! Those stupid fucking Vita-Rays worked their way into my system, and now the radiation is killing me from the inside out. _That's _why I get chills, _that's_ why I get headaches, and _that's_ what I have been keeping from you." The plane was silent, and I thanked the God I didn't believe in for this moment of peace.

"You're dying," was the first thing he said, surprisingly calm, after a long period of nobody saying anything. "You're dying, and you didn't tell me. You're dying, because of _my _machine, and you told Peggy, but _you didn't tell me._"

"Congrats, Huxley. You got it out of me. Do you feel better now?"

Another beat of silence. "Don't do that."

I scoffed. "What, die? Wow, I didn't even think about that. Thanks, Hux-"

"That," he cut me off. "Don't do _that_. Don't pretend you're okay. Don't pretend that any of this is okay."

I pulled my feet into the chair and tucked them under my legs, resting my head against the wall to stare at Howard's profile. When Peggy told me to not joke about it, I ignored her because joking is how I cope. But when Howard told me not to joke about it, I couldn't help but listen, because I knew it was how he coped too. And if he wasn't coping, how could I? "Okay."

He nodded once, and continued to stare out of the plane's windshield. His face seemed expressionless, and I was only just barely able to notice the tightness in his jaw that showed he was scared and angry because I'd known him so long. "Okay."

After receiving no signal from Steve and Howard's announcement that pretty soon we weren't going to have enough fuel to make it back, we had no choice but to turn back and return to the base.

As soon as we touched down, Colonel Phillips was on all of our asses with questions about where we'd gone, and where was Rogers, and how stupid could we be?

"With all due respect, Phillips," I slapped a hand against his chest, "we could not care less about anything you have to say at the moment. We know we fucked up. We know, okay? So just, _stop talking._"

Normally, I would have stuck around to see the look on his face, but all I really wanted at that moment was to get back to my lab and work on recreating Erskine's serum. It was the only thing keeping me sane these days, and there was this little flicker of hope in the back of my mind that maybe- just maybe- if I could recreate the serum, I could use it to stop the radiation from killing me.

I didn't even notice that Howard had been following behind me until the tent flap opened again to show him standing in the entrance with his arms crossed over his chest, his face carefully blank. "What, Howard?" I sighed. "What could you _possibly _need from me right now?"

He didn't say anything. Instead, his arms dropped to his side as he took the three small steps needed to close the distance between us and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug, his face burying into my neck. I wrapped my arms back around him automatically, rubbing soothing circles into his back with my thumbs and kissing his temple. "I'm sorry," he breathed against my shoulder. "I'm _so sorry_, Jo."

"It's not your fault," I whispered, shaking my head slightly. "We both knew that the radiation was dangerous. You can't blame yourself for this." I pulled back slightly and moved my hands to his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. His eyes were red, and I knew he was holding back tears because we didn't cry. It just wasn't done. "You have to promise me that you aren't going to blame yourself for this, Howard."

After a moment he nodded, and even though I knew he was lying, I nodded back as his hands moved to cover mine on his face. "Don't lie to me again. Okay?"

"Okay." I waited a second before smiling and kissing the edge of his lips with a chaste peck. "I love you muchly, Huxley," I declared and he chuckled at our little joke. We rarely ever talked about how we were feeling, but I knew that he needed reassurance even if he would never admit it out loud.

"I love you muchlier, Susie."

We stayed like that for a while longer before stepping away from each other and I began to explain my plans for the serum recreation as if the previous conversation had never occurred. "I've decrypted most of Erskine's notes, but they aren't really much help. He didn't trust anyone except himself, so most of the formula he had committed to memory. The only components I've been able to work out so far are a lot of potassium and creatine injections, along with taking bela ataline orally."

Howard nodded along, looking over the notes I'd already deciphered. He wasn't much of a chemist, but he was the smartest person I knew, and the next best thing to working with Erskine himself. "Do you have these things here?"

"The ones I've been able to decipher, I've been able to get my hands on, but I still don't know how to make the complete formula."

"What about the Vita-Rays?" he asked, looking from the papers in his hands to me, and I could see how hard he was concentrating by the little wrinkles that formed in between his eyebrows.

"The machine was destroyed when the HYDRA agent tried to break out of the lab, and I don't think we have enough time to build another one." He swallowed, and I held back a wince at the mention of me dying. I may have been acting nonchalant about it in front of everyone else, but I wasn't ready to die. I was only 25, and I had been happy with the way my life had been heading so far, so I'd be damned if I let something as stupid as radiation take me out before I was ready to go. "Honestly, I've been hoping that the Vita-Rays I already have in my system will be enough to get the serum going- at least enough to keep me alive. I'm not really aiming to be the next Captain America, you know?"

He nodded slowly and ran a hand back through his hair. "Okay. Yeah, that might just work. Maybe we could adjust the formula so that-"

We were interrupted by a private sprinting into the tent. "They're back!" he shouted, laughing. "Captain America brought the soldiers back!"

Howard and I were out of that tent before the soldier even had time to move out of the way, hurrying to the entrance to the base where none other than formerly-little Steve Rogers came marching in, followed by hundreds of freed prisoners of war carrying futuristic guns and riding on a tank. "Son of a bitch," I breathed, shaking my head. Howard didn't even take the time to tell me to watch my language, we were both too awestruck by the troupe making their way into camp.

The soldiers on base had formed two lines that the returned were marching by, cheering loudly at the sight before them. Howard and I stopped next to Peggy, watching as Colonel Phillips walked up to Steve.

Steve saluted the Colonel- God bless the boy's ever loving soul- before motioning behind him. "Some of these men need medical attention." Phillips took a look around at the wounded soldiers. "I'd like to surrender myself for disciplinary action."

I was ready to step forward and defend Steve, but as Phillips so eloquently put it, "That won't be necessary."

My heart melted a little at Steve's smile, reminded of the little boy who bumped into me back in Brooklyn as he replied, "Yes, sir."

"Faith, huh?" Phillips asked as he turned back to Peggy, who was trying not to beam at the sight of Steve.

When neither of them moved, I pushed her forward a little. She narrowed her eyes at me, but stepped forward anyway. "You're late," she told Steve, and I bit back a loud sigh. She was supposed to confess her love or something, not berate him!

With a little smirk, he pulled the demolished transponder out from his jacket pocket. "Couldn't call my ride."

"Hey!" I turned my attention to the man standing on Steve's left, who looked even more worse for wear than the rest of the group. "Let's hear it for Captain America!"

The camp immediately burst into cheers, myself included. Stepping forward, I shoved Steve's shoulder to catch his attention. "This," I swept my arm out, gesturing to the applauding soldiers he'd risked his life to save, before grinning up at Steve. "_This _is what you're meant for." I reached up to smack the front of his helmet (that looked oddly similar to the ones the showgirls wore). "Much better than a pair of fancy tights. Wouldn't you agree, Cap?"


	7. Domesticity

**Chapter Seven: Domesticity**

Peggy and I heard that Steve had gone out drinking with a bunch of the other soldiers, and decided- why not join them?

Then I decided- why not shock them? After a bit of persuading, I convinced Peggy to let me dress her up for the occasion, and pretty soon I had her looking snazzy as all hell in one of my favorite red dresses and high hells, with a little black bag that she insisted on keeping her pistol in. After I deemed her "suitable, I suppose" (which earned me a quick jab to the kidney), I dressed myself in an all black, knee-length dress with lace quarter-sleeves. It was the only other fancy dress I'd brought with me to the base, and I absolutely loved the way it clashed against my pale skin and bright blonde hair, which I'd wrapped up in my signature 'almost-a-bun' style.

The second we were through the doors, the bar went completely silent. The men weren't used to seeing either of us dressed up, as Peggy was usually in uniform and I was either matching Peggy or in my lab coat from working on the serum. "Captain," Peggy greeted as Steve and the worse-for-wear guy from earlier stood from their seats.

"Agent Carter," Steve replied, and I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at how stiff he was. I would never get over his perfect innocence. "Dr. Moore."

I reached over and smacked the side of his head. "Try again."

He smiled a little, and his friend was chuckling. "Jo."

"You know how I hate to repeat myself, Steve," I sighed and he nodded.

The friend looked back and forth between me and Steve, before settling on Steve. "You know Joanne Moore?"

Steve shrugged, and I covered my chest with one hand, gasping loudly. "Oh, Steve. A shrug? A _shrug? _I thought we were friends! You wound me." Steve rolled his eyes at my usual antics, not put off in the slightest. He was learning. They grow up so fast. I held my hand out to the friend. "You can call me Jo. And when I say you _can_ call me Jo, that means call me Jo or I'll slap you upside the head like I did with dear old Stevie just a moment ago."

"Jo," the friend shook my hand with small grin before he repeated the greeting with Peggy, replacing my name with 'ma'am'.

"Howard has some equipment for you to try," Peggy told Steve. "Tomorrow morning?"

"Sounds good," he agreed softly, and I smirked in amusement at him checking her out when she looked back out the way we came. The friend- I really needed to learn this guy's name- looked between the two of them before turning to me with an eyebrow quirked, as if to say 'these-two?'. I nodded and he formed his own smirk.

"I see your top squad is prepping for duty," Peggy said half-accusing, half-joking.

I chuckled a bit under my breath. "What, Peggy? Don't like music?"

She didn't even glance at me as she replied, "I do, actually. I might even, when this is all over, go dancing."

"What are you waiting for?" the friend questioned.

Peggy continued to smile her dazzling smile up at Steve, completely ignoring me and the friend. "The right partner." Steve's grin told me it was an inside joke, so I didn't question it. "0800, Captain." She finally turned to me. "Coming?"

I shook my head. "No, I think I'll stick around for a bit. Grab a few drinks, listen to some music." She nodded and left without another word, Steve staring after her every step of the way.

"I'm invisible," the friend shook his head, looking back to Steve. "I'm turning into you. It's- it's like a horrible dream."

"Ah, don't take it so hard," Steve chuckled before patting his shoulder. "Why don't you talk to Jo here?" he motioned towards me before sitting back on the barstool. "Who knows? She might not think you're a complete idiot."

"Excuse you," I scoffed before sliding in to quickly steal the friend's seat before he could sit back down. "I am nobody's second choice, thank you very much, Cap. Speaking of names," I said, crossing my legs and twisting in the seat to look back at the still standing friend. "I never did catch yours, doll."

"James Barnes," he held his hand out to reintroduce himself, and I shook it with a small smile. "But if you're going to insist that I call you Jo, then I'm going to insist that you call me-"

"Bucky," I finished for him. "Steve's told me a lot about you."

"Only good things, I hope." He cast a pointed look at Steve before taking the available seat on my right. "How do you know Steve, anyway? What's a woman like you doing hanging around with the army?"

I tapped the bar and ordered a Commando Cocktail. "I met Steve before the procedure. I bumped into him- well," I chuckled, and glanced at Steve, "he bumped into me- on his way to enlist. For the sixth time, might I add." My drink arrived and I sipped it, loving the way the rum in it dulled the ache pounding throughout my entire body. "And what exactly do you mean by a woman like me?"

"You work with Howard Stark," he explained, "so you're obviously smart, and have a bit of money. And beautiful, to top it off. That's what I mean by a woman like you."

Instead of replying, I gave his knee a quick pat and stood from the stool, finishing off my drink. "I'll see you in the morning, Steve. It was nice to finally meet you, Bucky." With that, I dropped a twenty dollar bill on the bar. "For the Commandos' tab," I winked and left the bar to find Howard and work on the serum.

* * *

A few days passed by without anything noteworthy happening, and I was getting antsy due to my lack of progress with the formula. Howard could see that I was about to rip my hair out from being so stressed, and decided that I needed some time out of the lab. "C'mon, Susie," he instructed, pulling me away from the assorted chemicals laid out on the table. "Peggy and Steve are waiting on us!"

"Just five minutes, I almost-"

"No!" he shouted, pushing me out of the tent. "You've done enough today. We're taking this rare downtime and spending it wisely. Understood?" It was useless to argue with him when he got like this, so I reluctantly followed after him. At the barrier of the camp stood Peggy and Steve, smiling at me as I walked closer. "One second," Howard said before entering a tent, coming back out a second later with one of the cameras used to produce shots of Steve and the other soldiers in action.

"What are you up to, Huxley?" I asked cautiously, but he winked instead of replying.

"Hey kid," he stopped a passing soldier and handed him the camera. "Do us a favor and snap our photo, will you?" The kid nodded and Howard came over to join us for the picture.

Peggy held my hand, lacing our fingers together, and pulled me against her side with a quick wink in my direction. Steve and Howard stood behind us, Steve's right arm tossed casually over Peggy's shoulder. Howard wrapped his left arm around my waist with his right elbow resting on Steve's shoulder. Right when the camera flashed Howard leaned in and kissed my temple, making me laugh. "Thanks, now I'm going to look stupid in the picture."

"Nonsense," Howard disagreed before moving to take the photo from the soldier and send him on his way. "Now come on, this was just part one of your birthday special."

"_Right_," I drawled, crossing one arm over my stomach and tapping the other against my cheek. "Birthday special…"

Peggy gave me a disapproving look, shaking her head. "You forgot, didn't you?"

"I most certainly did not."

Howard laughed as he hopped the small barrier of the base and walked off into the woods. "You're a terrible liar, Susie."

The four of us made our way through the trees until we came up to a small clearing, and I rolled my eyes at what was set up. "Really? You guys made me a picnic for my birthday?"

Steve hugged me, a small chuckle rumbling through his chest. "Thank you works too."

I patted his back before pulling back, Peggy hugging me immediately after. "Just shut up and be grateful."

Howard was sitting with his back against a tree, busying himself with opening a bottle of bourbon, when he noticed that the other two were hugging me. "Right. Happy birthday or whatever."

"Idiot," I laughed and moved to sit next to him on the little blanket. Steve took the bottle and opened it with ease before going to hand it back to Howard, but I snatched it out of his hands and took a swig. "Best present ever." I peeked inside the little basket and pulled an apple out, taking a bite before laying down with my head on Howard's leg.

We made idle chit-chat while we ate, and quieted down afterwards. Peggy watched over Steve's shoulder as he sketched in his notebook that he'd tucked into the basket, and I closed my eyes when Howard ran his fingers absent-mindedly through my loose hair, humming along to the song stuck in my head- 'At Last' by Mack Gordon.

I don't know how long the four of us sat there, ignoring the outside world. What I do know is that snuggled against Howard, absorbing his warmth into my ever-cooling body, humming my favorite song with Peggy and Steve nearby to celebrate my twenty-sixth birthday- that simple little moment was the happiest moment I would ever experience in the entirety of my life.


	8. New Toys

**Chapter Eight: New Toys**

As much as we might have liked it to, our day spent in the hidden clearing couldn't last forever.

The next morning, Howard and I were given the task of trying to figure out just how the HYDRA weapons Steve and the rest of the 107th had brought back worked. According to Steve, they fired what he guessed was blue energy.

"Emission signal is unusual," Howard remarked, using the controls to make the small crane on the other side of the glass pull a tiny blue ball out from inside the gun. "Alpha and beta rays neutral. Though I doubt Rogers picked up on that," he glanced at me and I shrugged.

"We can't all be geniuses, Hux."

"No, I guess not." Turning back to the blue ball, he looked it over with a critical eye. "Seems harmless enough. Hard to see what all the fuss is about." He moved the left crane in closer, and the second it connected with the blue ball, an explosion sent the both of us straight into the brick back wall of the lab. "Write that down," Howard coughed out as he pushed himself off the ground.

* * *

After telling Howard off about how I wasn't his secretary and he could write his own damn notes, we went off to our appointment with Steve to show him all the new weapons we'd been working on.

On our way there, we were intercepted by the man himself. "Ah, Steve! Just the guy we were looking for," I called down the hallway and he stopped to look back and wait for Howard and I to catch up. He looked miffed, so I asked, "Hey, why the scrunchy face, doll?"

"Scrunchy?" he asked, touching his forehead.

"Scrunchy," Howard agreed with a nod as we continued towards the meeting room. "The question is why."

Steve lowered his hand as we walked and explained that Peggy had just caught him kissing some blonde girl- to which Howard and I shared a look when he admitted he didn't even know her name- and accused him of still not knowing anything about women when he asked about her fondue-ing with Howard and I.

"Why the hell would you bring that up?" I asked, knitting my eyebrows together. "Of course we eat fondue together, it's delicious."

"_Eat_?" Steve asked as we entered the room we'd been heading for, and that was when it hit me.

I was laughing so hard I was crying as Howard explained that fondue was "just bread and cheese, my friend".

"Really?" Steve sounded shocked. "But I thought-"

I cut in to save him from further embarrassment, talking through my laughter. "Steve, just- just don't do that anymore. You'll hurt yourself."

"Trust me pal," Howard clapped his shoulder before moving in front of him to look over everything spread out over several tables. "The moment you think you know what's going on inside a woman's head, that's the moment your goose is well and truly cooked."

"He's speaking from experience," I added as my laughter slowly subsided into breathy giggles.

Howard acted as if I hadn't spoken. "Me, I concentrate on work, which at the moment is about making sure you and your men do not get killed." He motioned towards one of the pieces of armor he'd designed and explained how it worked. "Carbon polymer. Should withstand your average German bayonet. Although, HYDRA's not gonna attack you with a pocket knife. I hear you're kind of attached," he hit Steve's shield as we continued on through the room.

"It's handier than you might think," Steve answered.

"Well, I took the liberty-"

"_We _took the liberty," I corrected and Howard rolled his eyes.

"-of coming up with some options. This one's fun," he gestured towards his favorite shield. One he designed, of course. I looked around for the one I'd made, and pursed my lips when I saw that Howard had hidden it under the table. Cheater. "She's been fitted with electrical relays that allow you to-"

Steve cut him off by snatching my shield out from under the table and holding it up. "What about this one?"

"No- no that's just a prototype," Howard covered quickly, waving his hand.

"Hey!" I exclaimed defensively. "That's cheating, you dirty bastard! No discrediting the shields, we agreed!"

Steve waved it around a little. "What's it made of?"

"Vibranium," I answered proudly and ran a hand over the smooth surface. "It's stronger than steel, and only a third of the weight. She's completely vibration absorbent- HYDRA could fire at you with a tank and you wouldn't feel a thing behind this baby."

"How come it's not standard issue?"

I sighed miserably and shook my head. "Unfortunately, it's the rarest metal on earth. What you're holding is all we've been able to dig up."

Peggy stepped into the room and I immediately took a step back from Steve. Knowing her, she would probably shoot him. She may have not admitted it to me- or even herself- yet, but she was clearly infatuated with Steve. "Are you two quite finished? I'm sure the Captain has some unfinished business."

Smiling happily down at his new shield, Steve nodded at Peggy. "What do you think?"

She looked him over for a minute before pulling a gun off the nearest table and firing four quick shots in his direction. I swear I'm psychic.

I wanted to yell at her for firing at my baby, but the look on her face shut me right up. An angry Peggy is a deadly Peggy. "Yes, I think it works," she grinned sarcastically before dropping the gun back on the table and marching off in the opposite direction.

Howard and Steve were staring stupidly after her, and I scoffed, "Men," before walking over to stand in front of them and holding up a hand to Howard. "I win. Pay up."

He looked down at me with a small scowl before begrudgingly slapping a ten dollar bill in my waiting hand- the agreed upon prize for whoever's shield won. Steve then handed me a sketch from his notebook that Howard quickly grabbed. "I had some ideas for the uniform," he explained as I stood on the tips of my toes to join Howard in looking it over.

"Yeah, whatever you want pal."

"We'll make it happen," I agreed before dropping back on the balls of my feet as I remembered that I had something else for him. "Hey, Cap. You wanna see something spiffy?"

I took him outside to the main entrance of the base, where I'd left his present. "There she is," I motioned towards the motorcycle. "A 1942 Harley-Davidson WLA Liberator." He walked over to admire it, and I crossed my arms with a knowing smirk. "I figured it was fitting transport for Captain America. Look, I even painted a star on it for you!" As I spoke, Steve knelt down next to the bike and ran his hand down the star I'd mentioned. "So do you love it or what?"

He looked like a little boy at Christmas. "It's perfect!"

"Yeah, I know," I sighed approvingly and shifted my hands to my hips. "I'm the best."

He shook his head, dismissing my arrogance with ease. "Thank you, Jo."

"Anytime, baby doll."

* * *

Steve went on more and more missions with Bucky and the Howling Commandos, and I worked on the serum while Howard spent most of his time trying to develop weapons like the ones from HYDRA. I was down to the last page of Erskine's notes when it happened.

This headache hit me worse than any of the others had before, and it came on so suddenly I almost collapsed right there. "No, no, no," I whispered to myself, leaning forward against the table I'd been working over. "Not now, Jo. You're almost done."

It took all my strength to push off the table and stumble out of the tent. "Howard," I rasped, looking around frantically. My body was feeling heavier by the second, and I knew I had a very limited window before falling unconscious. "Howard!" I called out again, louder this time.

Soldiers turned to watch as I blundered about the base, looking for the only person who would know what to do. "Are you okay?" one of the soldiers reached out to help me, but I shoved his outstretched arms away from me.

"Somebody find me Howard Stark!" I shouted as loudly as I could before crashing into one of the comm centers, causing the radios to clatter loudly against the ground.


	9. Desperate Times

**Chapter Nine: Desperate Times**

Peggy came running out from one of the nearby tents and dropped next to me, trying to pull me into a sitting position as my vision blurred. "Jo? Jo, can you hear me?" I nodded slowly, and she let out a relieved breath. "Okay, stay with me. You," she pointed to one of the men staring at the spectacle, "go find Stark _now._"

He was off in an instant, and Peggy turned back to pulling me off the ground. "Stay with me, Jo. Eyes open, okay? Do you still hear me?" I nodded again. "Good. I'm going to say three words, and I want you to repeat them back to me. Can you do that?" Nod. "Okay. Clean, heat, dense. Repeat them now."

I opened my mouth to repeat them, but found myself unable to do so. "What…?" I muttered, holding my head in between my hands.

I didn't even notice that Howard had kneeled next to me until he pulled me out of Peggy's arms and into his. "You good, Susie?"

'Just fucking dandy, dumbass' is what I tried to say, but it came out as a garbled mess before turning into a pained moan.

"Peggy, help me get her back into her tent," Howard instructed as he swept me up into his arms. Peggy stood and started telling everyone to return to what they were doing before, that I was going to be fine, I was just overworked- whatever bullshit she could spit out to make them leave us alone- as Howard carried me back to the tent I had come spilling out of a few moments- minutes, hours?- ago. "Don't you worry your pretty little head, Susie. I'm not letting something as silly as radiation take you from me." He smiled down at me, but even through my blurred vision I could see that his jaw was tight and the little wrinkles formed in between his eyebrows to show that he was stressing over just how he planned on getting me out of this.

He cleared off a table quickly by shoving everything to the floor and laid me across it. Peggy came in, demanding answers. "What the hell is happening, Stark? I thought you said that the two of you were working on a cure!"

"We were!" he shouted back, gripping his hair in one hand before turning away from me to shuffle through the progress I'd made on Erskine's research. "I didn't think she'd get this bad this quickly. I thought I had more time, I thought… _Dammit!_" he slammed the papers down on the desk. "She didn't finish deciphering Erskine's notes."

"Well what does that mean?" Peggy moved closer to me, and pushed the hair out of my eyes. "She's burning up, Howard." Really? I felt fucking _freezing_.

He shook his head and moved to the table with the chemicals I had been mixing, trying to recreate the serum. "It means we're just going to have to go with what we have."

"What?" she snapped, moving to stand in front of me when Howard stepped closer with a syringe full of the dull blue liquid. "Are you _insane_?! You're not injecting her with an incomplete serum! Who knows what that could do to her?"

"Well we both know what'll happen if we don't do anything! So I say we risk it," he tried to push past her, but she gripped his upper arms to keep him back.

"Don't be stupid, Stark. I know you love her, but you-"

He pulled back out of her grip and pointed the syringe towards her. "Peggy, I like you, but if you try to stop me from saving Jo, I am not afraid to hurt you."

There was a beat of silence before Peggy reluctantly stepped to the side and Howard rushed to my side.

"Don't worry, baby girl," he tried to sooth me as he straightened my arm out to inject the serum. I wanted to scream at him that he was being an idiot, that the formula wasn't ready, but I couldn't even twitch my fingers anymore. "I know you're not a fan of following rules, not even ours, but I am. And one of those rules is for us to do whatever it takes to protect each other." He pushed the needle into my elbow, and I watched through clouded eyes as the blue liquid disappeared into my veins. "I am going to protect you, Susie."

In an instant, my body went from feeling like I was drowning in the Arctic Circle to feeling like I had decided to dive straight into a bubbling volcano. I let out an ear-piercing scream as my back arced off the table, and Peggy was by my side immediately to clamp her hand down over my mouth.

"Move your hand," Howard ordered, and before she could argue he explained further. "The second part of the procedure is oral, I need you to move your hand so she can swallow it."

When her hand was gone, my mouth was immediately filled with a bitter taste and I reflexively tried to spit it out. Howard's hand replaced Peggy's over my lips as he sat me up to prevent me from choking on the vile mixture, and his other closed my nose to force me to swallow it. After he was sure it had gone down my throat, he laid me back down and let me breathe again.

The pain was unbearable. Fire raced through my veins, and I clenched my teeth together to bite back the screams. In the back of my mind I wandered how Steve had managed to live through it, and the only possible conclusion I could come up with was that he was a stronger person than me.

"What do we do about the Vita-Rays? The machine was destroyed." Peggy questioned, and Howard quickly explained that we had been hoping the radiation that was already in my systems would be enough. "You were _hoping_?" she scoffed, and covered her face with her hands. "You two… What happens if the serum doesn't have the radiation to boost it?"

Howard didn't answer. The truth was, we didn't exactly know what would happen.

It seemed like hours until the fire subsided into a dull burning sensation, and I let a deep breath out through my nose. "You with us, Jo?" Howard asked, and I opened my eyes to see him staring down at me. "Come on, you gotta give me something to work with here. How do you feel?"

Peggy and Howard watched carefully as I slowly sat up, pressing my hands against the table to keep myself steady. It took me a minute to find my voice before I could answer. "Better. I think." I swung my legs over the side of the table and stretched them out before moving to stand. "I'm not dead," I elaborated, pushing my hands out in front of me to stretch my arm and back muscles, "so there's that at least."

Howard stepped forward and looked me over. "Yeah, there's that," he agreed with a small smile.

"So, what?" Peggy asked, looking very thoroughly confused by the whole situation. "Is she like Steve now?"

I shook my head, choosing to explain for myself. "No, that shouldn't happen. I don't think. Most likely not," I rambled. "Probably."

"Well which is it?" she insisted. "Because if you are, Phillips and the Senator are going to want to know about it."

I snorted, "Please. What those two want are the least of my concerns right now." I was in a remarkably good mood, considering I was dying only minutes ago.

"We can run some tests, I suppose," Howard suggested, still looking me over. "You don't look that much different. Definitely not to the degree Steve changed."

I looked myself over, and realized he was right. While parts of me- like my arms and legs- looked somewhat more toned, I wasn't suddenly a hunk like Steve had been. "Well that's understandable," I shrugged. "Even with the Vita-Rays that were already in my system, I didn't get blasted with them like he did. Mine was more of an indirect exposure."

The tent flap flew open, and we all turned to see Phillips marching in. Before any of us could say anything, he cut straight to the point, eyes on me. "What. Happened."

Howard and I looked at each other, having a silent debate, before I sighed and turned back to the Colonel. "This might take a while."

* * *

It took close to an hour to explain from the beginning exactly what had happened, starting with my exposure to the Vita-Rays, to Phillips, and after I had, the tent was uncomfortably quiet.

"So what you're telling me," he paced slowly back and forth, hands held out in front of him, "is that you're- what? A super soldier, like Rogers?"

"Not exactly," I shook my head. "Like I told Peggy and Howard, when we injected Steve with the formula, we also blasted him with Vita-Rays. So on top of having a lesser version of the serum, I had a limited amount of radiation." I could tell he was barely following, so I sighed and gave him a more broad answer. "No, I am not a super soldier. The serum kept the radiation from killing me, but apart from that, I have no idea of the effects."

He nodded and stopped his pacing. "We're going to have to conduct tests to find out just how much you've changed," he said, not leaving any room for argument. "Whatever tests Erskine had set up for Rogers. That's what you'll do. Agent Carter and Mr. Stark can conduct them. Understood?"

The three of us agreed, and the Colonel left the tent. "Well then," Howard clapped his hands together with an excited smile. He was enjoying this way too much. "Let's go find out what super powers you have, Susie."


	10. Teacher

**Chapter Ten: Teacher**

From the tests Howard, Peggy and I conducted, we were able to work out that while I was nowhere near as advanced as Steve, I had gained quite a bit of physical prowess. I was stronger, faster, and much less clumsy than I had been before. On top of that, the radiation seemed to be boosting my health instead of killing it, and I healed at an accelerated rate from any cuts or bruises that formed during the exercises.

While the scientist in me wanted to continue running these tests for days, the most significant upgrade to me was the fact- as far as anybody could tell- I wasn't dying. Learning that your lifespan has significantly increased does a hell of a lot for a girl's esteem, let me tell you. Especially since it was a lot harder for me to even get notably injured.

Which is why, when Steve and Bucky returned from their latest raid on a HYDRA facility, Howling Commandos in tow, I skipped right over to the tall blond and fell into step with him, a large smile plastered to my face. "So, how was it?" I started, linking my hands behind my back. "Did you take out lots of baddies? Finally rid us all of Little Red's miserable existence?"

"Jo," Steve held a hand up, shaking his head in a scolding fashion. "Please." A quick peek at his face revealed the little grin he was fighting off, and I knew he wasn't actually frustrated with me. Perfect.

"Alright, alright," I conceded. "Don't answer your best friend's questions. I'm hurt though, Little Guy."

Bucky leaned in front of Steve to meet my eyes, raising his hand slightly. "Actually, the position of best friend has already been filled. For a while. Our whole lives, really."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes. "Stevie just didn't know me back then. I'm everybody's best friend, once they meet me."

Steve patted the top of my head and chuckled before heading off to give his mission report to Colonel Phillips, the rest of his friends in tow. Before they could all enter the tent, I grabbed the back of Bucky's shirt and pulled him away. He looked a little freaked out, and I mentally slapped myself. Note to self: don't sneak up on former prisoners of war.

Too late now, though.

"Come on," I whispered and he relaxed at the sound of my voice, realizing I wasn't a threat.

I switched my grip from the back of his shirt to his wrist, and pulled him towards the direction of the clearing we'd had our picnic in the week before. "Where are we off to, Blondie?"

"The forest. I need to talk to you."

"As much as I would usually love for a pretty girl to drag me off to a secluded area," he chuckled, "Steve's gonna kick my ass when he finds out I'm skipping that debriefing."

"I already cleared this with Phillips," I lied, shrugging. "You have a new assignment."

"That involves us being alone in the forest?"

I looked over my shoulder to glare at him as we reached the edge of the camp. "Shut the hell up and follow me, Bucky."

He didn't say anything else until we were in the middle of the clearing, and I instructed him to stand facing the direction of the camp and cover his eyes. "Uh, why? Are you going to strip or something?"

"Yes."

He definitely was not expecting that. "Um- you… Why are- I thought you… Okay, I'm confused."

I raised an eyebrow and waved my finger in a little circle, signaling for him to turn around. He did, and I moved behind the tree that had my outfit hidden behind it in a little bag. "I thought you were supposed to be Mr. Smooth?" I said just loud enough for Bucky to hear me, and smiled when he laughed.

"I thought you were supposed to dating Howard Stark."

I sighed dramatically, pulling my flats off to exchange them for red knee-high boots. "Why does everybody think that? Howard and I are just friends!"

"Probably because people don't normally sleep with their friends."

"They don't?" I asked in mock horror. "Gosh golly. Guess that means we can't sleep together."

"Well, we never actually classified ourselves as friends-"

"Shut up," I cut him off and stepped out from behind the tree, pulling at my gloves. I would have to get used to wearing these. "You can turn around now."

When he turned back to face me, his eyebrows almost immediately shot up to his hairline. "What are you wearing?"

I looked down at myself, examining the outfit Howard and Peggy had designed for me after I'd convinced them to go along with my plans. It was mostly black, except the blue gloves and red boots. After a few days of pushing my abilities, I had the fantastic idea of helping Steve take out HYDRA. Of course, not everybody thought it was a fantastic idea…

* * *

"_No," Peggy and Howard simultaneously shot me down._

"_Oh, c'mon!" I had shouted, practically jumping up and down in my tantrum. "I could really help! I mean, I can barely get hurt, and I'm stronger than every guy out there. Except Steve, I guess… But we would be fighting together, so it doesn't matter!"_

"_Jo, darling." Dammit. Whenever Peggy called me that, it meant she was about to try and use her stupid logic against me. "It was hard enough for me to get to where I am in the army. Do you really think they'll let another woman in as anything more than you already are? They would never let you actually in the battle, especially not anywhere near Steve and the Commandos."_

_Howard nodded. "As much as I hate to admit it, Peggy's right, Susie. Maybe if Phillips didn't hate you, it'd be a different story…"_

"_Fuck Phillips!" I declared, throwing my arms in the air before crossing them over my chest. I was completely aware that I was being childish, but I always was when I wanted something. "I can go over his head with the Senator. He would go crazy for another Captain America. Hell, me being a woman may even be better. They could have Captain America, and- and…" I thought about a female equivalent for a moment, "-Liberty, fuck if I know. The name isn't my job. The point is, I can make a difference out there. A much bigger difference than being cooped up in a lab all day."_

_Howard was running his hands down his face, tired of arguing, but Peggy seemed like she was just getting started._

* * *

It had gone on like that for a while, but I had eventually worn them both down. As always. I smirked as I remembered, then realized I hadn't answered Bucky's question yet.

"This is my uniform," I explained, holding my left foot out and twirling it a bit, beaming. I thought it was a great design. "See, Bucky. I didn't drag you out here to give you a fashion show. I actually need your help with something." I could tell just by the expression on his face that he was hooked with curiosity, and dropped down to sit in the grass, crossing my legs and patting the spot in front of me. "Come on, I'll explain everything."

And I did. I told him about the radiation, the pain I went through, recreating the serum, Howard and Peggy forcing it into me when I almost died, and the after effects of the serum.

By the time I was finished explaining, it was much later in the day and I silently thanked Peggy for agreeing to keep Steve busy so he wouldn't come looking for us. Bucky had moved to lay down halfway through the story, lacing his fingers together and resting the back of his hands against his forehead. "So, what?" he asked, eyebrows knitted together. "You're like Steve now? A super soldier?"

I had my knees tucked against my chest with my cheek pressed to my knee, pulling at the fingertips of my gloves. "Basically. I don't have his god-like strength, but I'm stronger than the average human." He nodded against his hands, and I was glad he understood what I was trying to explain. He was a lot smarter than Phillips, apparently. Or he was just a good liar.

"Who all knows?"

"Howard, Peggy, Phillips and you."

He sat up, looking at me with confusion. "You haven't told Steve?" I shook my head. "Wow. I kinda figured he would be one of the first people you told. Before me, at least."

I snorted, picking my head up and spreading my legs out. "Are you kidding? He's probably the last person I'm going to tell about all of this."

"Why?" he scoffed. I couldn't tell if he was more confused or offended about why I didn't exactly want Steve to know before everything else was settled.

"Are you kidding?" I asked. "Do you really think that Steve would agree to me heading out into battle with the rest of you guys?"

Bucky waved his hands in front of him, shaking his head. "Woah, woah. Slow your roll, Blondie. Who said anything about you fighting with us?" I narrowed my eyes, showing him my irritation. I'd already had this argument. "Look, it's not like I'm against you heading out there because you're a lady or whatever. You're a scientist, and an engineer."

"And a doctor," I added.

"But you're not a soldier."

I huffed and dropped onto my back, spreading my hands out over my head. Staring at the sky as it shifted from blue to a dark orange, I explained further. "I thought you would be more open-minded than Steve. That's why I told you before him. I know I'm not a soldier. But neither were you, not at first. Everyone has to be taught. I want you to teach me."

His uniform ruffled loudly along the grass as he stood, and moved to look down at me. "Why me?"

My nose twitched when I pursed my lips- my telltale sign that I was considering something. "You're Steve's best friend. That tells me all I need to know about your character. You've obviously been through a lot- I won't ask you for details- but the fact that you're still fighting is impressive. And I'm not easily impressed."

"I'm touched," he smirked and I kicked his ankle, even though I was grinning at his joke.

"Shut up. Seriously. I'd appreciate it if you would help me out here."

He held his hand out, and I grabbed it for him to lift me off the ground. "Alright," he agreed, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "I'll train you, on the condition that you don't expect me to go easy on you."

"I'd be disappointed if you did, baby doll."


	11. One of Us

**Chapter Eleven: One Of Us**

Bucky and I would sneak away to the clearing any chance we got to train. At first he kicked my ass repeatedly, simply because he had experience and I was used to spending my days sitting at a desk, or standing over a patient. As we progressed though, my body seemed to know what to do before my mind even had the time to process it. It only took a week of sparring for me to throw Bucky into a tree.

It took a bit of convincing after that for him to continue training me, but my persuasion skills won out over his bruises in the end. Eventually, he even convinced the other Howling Commandos to help out.

Gabe seemed the most willing to help out, saying he understood what it was like to be different than the rest of the group. Jim and Jacques agreed wholeheartedly with that. Dum Dum seemed the most apprehensive, which struck me as odd. "What, afraid to get your ass thoroughly kicked by a girl?" I asked, which set him right off.

Training with them was amazing. Not only was I learning more than I had originally anticipated, but I came to consider them as a part of my ever-growing family.

We went on like this for a little over three weeks, but sooner than I would have wished Bucky told me that there was a lead on Dr. Zola, and he would be heading out with Steve along with the rest of the Commandos to track him down and take him out. "I'm coming, right?" I asked expectantly, not liking the look on his face.

"Not this time, Blondie."

"Oh, come _on_!" I complained, forcing my feet to stay on the ground. Throwing a temper tantrum wasn't going to do anything to help my case if he didn't think I was ready for a real mission. "You know better than anyone that I'm beyond ready for this, and I'm sure the other Commandos would agree."

"The point isn't whether you're physically prepared or not," he clarified. "The point is that it's a stealth mission for just the Howling Commandos. Besides," he pointed an accusing finger at me, "you still haven't told Steve about our little training sessions!"

I groaned, pushing the loose hair back out of my face. "Okay, okay. If I convince Steve, can I come?"

Bucky hesitated before shrugging. "I guess. He's leading the mission. If you really want to come that badly, you'll have to convince the rest of the guys that you're ready."

"I can do that!" I agreed quickly, beaming at him. "Trust me on this, baby doll, you guys will have nothing to worry about with me around." I jumped forward to hug him tightly for a second before running from the clearing to dress out in my uniform. Might as well look the part when I talked to Steve about heading out with everyone.

As I had expected, convincing the Howling Commandos had been a breeze. Dum Dum, who was slowly but surely becoming my favorite of the band, had even gone so far as to say that if Steve turned me down he would find a way to sneak me out onto missions with them.

After convincing even Phillips that it was a good idea, backed up by the entirety of my little group of misfits, it was time to face the Captain. Gabe was the first to offer coming with me, but before the others even had a chance to jump in agreeing that they would all be happy to tag along and knock some sense into the Star Spangled Man, I had turned them all down.

"Thanks, guys, but this is going to be a long discussion. One I think Cap deserves to hear from me."

They all begrudgingly agreed that it would probably be better for me to go alone, which was exactly what I did after thanking them all one more time.

This was how I found myself standing in front of Steve, his eyebrow raised as he looked over my uniform. "Uh, Jo? What are you wearing?"

"You sound like Bucky," I laughed lightly. "This is my uniform. Howard and Peggy designed it. Do you like it? It's supposed to match both yours and the Commandos."

The only part of that he responded to was the last bit. "Why?"

"Well obviously so that when we go storming up to Zola he doesn't have a reason to laugh at us before we kick his ass," I scoffed, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"Why would you come with us?" He seemed to only be getting more and more confused the longer I went on. The fact that he hadn't outright shot me down was encouraging, though.

Letting out a large puff of air that made my bangs ruffle a bit, I hopped up to sit on one of the metal tables in the makeshift lab I had found Steve in and patted the spot next to me, signaling him to join me. After he did, I narrowed my eyes at the wall for a moment, trying to decide the best way to go about this. "Well, you already know that I was sick." I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye, and took that as the okay to continue. "Well, I'm not sick anymore. I'm actually better than ever before."

* * *

When my explanation was finished, I had expected confusion, betrayal, or even anger.

What I had not expected was for Steve to yank me into a bone-crushing hug. "I'm so glad you're okay," he pulled back, smiling widely. "It was obvious to everyone how sick you were, but I had no idea it had gotten so bad."

I shrugged, still a bit taken back by his reaction. "Nobody did, really. Not even me, until that last attack. But, you're kind of ignoring the major change here, Steve. You know, the whole joining your ragtag group of soldiers."

He waved a hand dismissively. "Of course you're coming with us."

That was even more surprising than the hug. "Wait, you're not going to try to make me stay behind? Everybody was so sure you'd be against it…" I mumbled the last bit, more to myself, but he obviously heard it.

"Why would everybody think that?"

I chuckled, and shook my head. "Seriously, kid? You're the vision of a perfect gentleman. We all assumed that you wouldn't want somebody without any battle experience whatsoever to suddenly jump in and join you on your escapades. Especially not a woman."

"Believe me," he smirked playfully, "if I ever did think that way, Peggy knocked it out of me back at boot camp."

"Really? I thought she knocked it out of Hodge." We both laughed at that, remembering Steve's first impression of the woman.

With the final member (surprisingly easily) convinced of me becoming a member of the Howling Commandos, Steve and I went to meet up with the rest of the guys to be briefed about how exactly we would be going after Zola.


	12. Loss

**Chapter Twelve: Loss**

After getting the rest of my gear from Peggy and a stern 'come-back-or-else' from Howard, I had set off with the Howling Commandos. In a few short hours, we reached the ridge of a mountain that I was not happy with at all. Cold was never my thing, even more so now that it reminded me of being sick with the radiation poisoning.

Montgomery was looking almost religiously through his binoculars for the train that would be carrying our target. Jim and Gabe were listening to a German radio transmission, attempting to decipher it as quickly as possible to see if it would be any help. Jacques was looking over his guns for the millionth time. Dum Dum was standing at the very edge of the ridge, looking out over all the snow.

Finally, Steve and I were standing side by side in the front of the group, Bucky stepping away from his former spot next to the radio to stand at Steve's left. "Remember when I made you ride the cyclone at Coney Island?" he asked.

"Yeah, and I threw up," Steve smiled bitterly. It seemed to be a half-decent, half-terrible memory for him.

"This isn't payback, is it?"

Bucky was eyeing the zipline we would be darting across momentarily with a wary look on his face. "Now, why would I do that?" Steve asked, looking over the line before smirking at Bucky. I couldn't help but shake my head at his playfulness. I was glad that he had a good sense of humor, it made sitting here waiting that much more bearable.

"We were right," Gabe spoke up, and all three of us turned back to face us. "Dr. Zola's on the train. HYDRA dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he's going, they must need him bad."

Without needing to announce it, we all knew that it was time for us all to gear up. Steve moved to stand in the front of us, Bucky behind him, me third and the rest of the guys stood in no certain order behind me. As I wrapped the safety belt as securely as possible around my waist, Montgomery finally moved his binoculars. "Let's get it moving, because that thing is moving like the devil."

"We only got about a ten second window," Steve informed us all, clasping his harness to the line. "You miss that window, we're bugs on a windshield."

I chuckled, tapping my heels nervously against the ice. "What a first mission. We couldn't have waited for Zola to work his way to a tropical beach?"

Montgomery smiled knowingly at me- he'd confessed earlier that he didn't like the cold much either. "Mind the gap."

"Will do, Monty."

As the train roared closer, the rest of the men behind me finished strapping in. "Better get moving, bugs!" Dum Dum laughed, and Jacques shouted something in French.

I was going to ask for a translation from Gabe, but realized as soon as Steve pushed off from the ledge that one wouldn't be necessary. Bucky went next, and before I was completely ready I had forced myself to jump. The ride was over in a matter of seconds, but I was biting back a scream the entire time. Steve, Bucky and I landed roughly at the same time, standing quickly to find a point on the top of the train we could enter from.

Originally, I was supposed to stay back with the rest of the Commandos as backup, but after a lot of arguing with the Colonel, it was agreed that I was to stay with the two boys from Philadelphia.

Later than I might have liked, the three of us were inside the train, and I closed the door as quickly as I could behind me. The three of us wordlessly crept towards the next cab, finding that it was as empty as the one we'd entered. With a quick glance back, Steve stepped through the door only to have it slam shut behind him, separating him from Bucky and I.

"Oh, shit," I breathed, whipping back around to see three HYDRA agents coming after us with those weird glowing guns. Bucky quickly stepped in front of me, firing off some type of submachine gun at two of them. The third was headed my way, and I did what any highly trained super soldier would have done in that situation.

I punched him in the nose.

He stumbled back, dazed long enough for Bucky to turn his weapon on him and drop him along with the other two agents. Before I could compliment his shooting skills, more HYDRA men were storming into the room. Bucky and I took cover on opposite sides of the train, ducking behind some metal boxes.

When I glanced up and over the top of my box there was only one guy on my side of the train, and a two quick bullets to the brain from the pistol Howard had thankfully gifted me took care of him. I wouldn't realize until much later that night that he was he first person I ever killed.

I looked over to Bucky to see if he was doing as well as I hoped he was, but saw that apparently his gun had jammed. "Bucky," I whispered just loud enough to get his attenton, and tossed him my own gun when he looked up at me. He mouthed his thanks before continuing to fire on the endless stream of enemies. A quick peek through the window on the door told me that Steve was still on the other side, attempting to get in and help us.

Only seconds later, the door was opened and he nodded to me before replacing the pistol I'd given up to Bucky. When I caught it, Bucky spared a quick look our way to see what it was I had caught, and smiled his appreciation to the Captain.

A quick hand signal from Steve, and we all silently agreed before jumping over the top of our boxes as he rammed into one of the containers that split the room in half, knocking it into the HYDRA men in the room.

Once we were sure the room was empty, Bucky stepped forward with his gun hand on his hip. "I had him on the ropes."

"Not without my gun you wouldn't have," I snickered, and he glared at me while I winked at him.

"I know you did," Steve agreed patronizingly, patting his friend on the shoulder before smiling at me. "Not bad for a first timer."

"Not bad for a little guy," I retorted, causing him to look over himself before leveling his quizzical gaze on me. "You know what I mean."

The sound of something powering up behind us caused all three of us to turn around, only to see one of the _biggest, scariest motherfucking guns I have ever seen._

"Get down!" Steve shouted, pulling Bucky and I behind him to hold his shield in front of all of us. The blast sent us all flying back, and a violent chill flooded into the room.

Bucky had landed on top of me, and I groaned as I rolled him off to the side. I was about to mumble a snarky comment about his weight, but froze when I saw why the room was suddenly so cold. A huge hole had been ripped into the side of the train, and Montgomery's warning of "Mind the gap" suddenly made a reappearance in the back of my mind. I didn't see Steve, and panic flooded through me as the words, "Fire again!" resonated over the intercom.

"Steve?" my voice trembled, and I quickly pinched myself- though I could barely feel it through all the padding that covered me. I wasn't answered, but I was relieved when I saw the man I was searching for pushing off the wall opposite to the giant hole. Bucky, who had already stood back up from his spot on the floor, snatched up Steve's shield and started firing at the man with the outrageously frightening gun while I took the opportunity to run over to Steve, helping him stand up as I scanned him for any noticeable injuries. "You all good, kid?"

He nodded and mumbled, "Thanks."

Another deafening blast, and before Steve or I could react, Bucky was no longer in sight. Steve's helmet dropped to the ground when he grabbed his shield and hurled it into the man holding the gun, knocking him back into the room he'd come out from. I was already at the edge of the hole, clinging to it for dear life as I saw Bucky was doing much of the same, except _outside_ of the impossibly fast train.

"Hold on, Buck," I called out before forcing my foot over the edge to step onto the metal flapping in the wind like it was no more than a piece of paper. Steve appeared behind me, desperately calling out his friend's name as if that was enough to save him. "Okay," I whispered to myself as I inched closer to Bucky, the wind causing my hair to fall out of its holder and whip around me furiously. "I got you, baby doll," I said louder so Bucky would hear me, hopefully soothing the panic I saw rising in his eyes.

When one of his hands slipped from the railing, a violent shudder ripped through my body, causing me to clutch the railing I was holding onto even tighter. "Hang on," Steve yelled from behind me, and I would have rolled my eyes at him if I wasn't so deathly terrified for not only my life, but one of my friend's lives as well.

"Come on, baby doll. Take my hand," I instructed, my voice stronger than I'd anticipated as I dropped my left hand to stretch out towards Bucky. He swung his right hand out to meet mine, our fingers barely brushing against each other's before his rail made a nasty snapping noise. "_NO!" _Steve and I cried at the same time as Bucky dropped screaming from the side of the train.

I clutched the railing I was holding on to with every bit of strength I had in me, my head reeling as freezing tears pooled in the corners of my eyes. I didn't think I could move, and after a moment Steve reached out to pull me back inside of the train. Before he could protest, I had my arms wrapped tightly around him, letting out the tears I knew he shared with me at the loss of my friend- somebody I knew Steve thought of as his own brother.

We didn't move for what seemed like years, clinging to each other, subconsciously making sure the other didn't fall, that we were both there- real and alive. Eventually, Jim came in to tell us that Gabe had Zola apprehended. Thankfully, he didn't ask why we were hugging, or crying, or where Bucky was. In that moment, I was ferociously grateful that Jim had common sense enough to know that neither of us would be saying anything for a while.


	13. Distractions

**Chapter Thirteen: Distractions**

Sitting in a debriefing room with Phillips and having to explain how Bucky had died was- I was positive at the time- the worst thing I would ever have to go through, besides his death itself. My hands shook uncontrollably under the table, out of anger instead of sadness. I'd grieved the entire ride back to the base, but the incessant apologizing from everyone was driving me insane. I didn't want them to apologize to me. It was my fault he had fallen, I didn't need to be apologized to. I needed to apologize to them, to _him_.

But I couldn't very well do that now, could I?

I vaguely remembered Erskine explaining that the serum amplified everything a person was, and I found myself wondering if that was why I was having such violent feelings towards Bucky's death.

Phillips saying that someone was going to interrogate Zola shook me from my thoughts, and I stood hastily. "Let me at the bastard," I half-asked, half-demanded. "I'll get whatever we need out of him."

"Sit down, Moore. I'm doing it myself."

If I wasn't so angry I would have argued. Instead, I stormed out of the room and wandered aimlessly throughout the camp. My fists were still shaking so harshly they were almost vibrating, and my first thought was to find Bucky and spar with him. The thought that it would never happen again had me laughing out loud, which in turn caused more than one head to turn my way. "What?" I snapped at a few of them, and the men immediately turned away.

I saw Steve heading off base, and followed after him. I followed him all the way through London to the bar I'd originally met Bucky in, now destroyed by the bombs Hitler had commanded be dropped here. Strangely, the German dictator seemed like nothing more than a spoiled child when I compared him to Schmidt.

Steve didn't seem to notice that I had followed him until he grabbed a bottle of brandy from behind the counter and dropped into a chair at the last standing table in the place, when I pulled a chair off the ground to sit next to him. We didn't speak at first, instead just passing the alcohol back and forth. It was disappointing when neither of us seemed even the slightest bit buzzed halfway through the bottle.

"I thought this stuff was supposed to be strong," he spoke first, waving the bottle a bit.

I shrugged, leaning back in the wooden chair. "Side effect of the serum. No more drunken nights." He nodded his understanding, and we were quiet again for a few moments. This time, I disturbed the uncomfortable silence, speaking softly as if talking too loudly would shatter our fragile reality. "I'm sorry I didn't save him."

He switched his gaze from the bottle to meet mine, before shaking his head. "It wasn't your fault."

"Really?" I chuckled darkly, snatching the bottle from his hand to uselessly gulp it down. "How do you figure that?"

"I was in charge of the mission. It was my job to protect you two, and I couldn't do that. It's more my fault than anyone else's."

"Fuck that," I growled, and he only seemed mildly surprised by my language. He was pretty accustomed to hearing me curse after knowing me for so long. "Your job was to get Zola, and we did that. You can't blame yourself for what happened to Bucky."

"Then why can you?" he asked, and I fell silent again. How was I supposed to answer that? "I'm not gonna stop until all of HYDRA is either dead or captured."

A pang of guilt shot through my heart at his words, and I found myself wanting to cry again, but forced the tears back. "I'm sorry, Steve."

"For what?"

Instead of answering him directly, I brought my knees up to my chest- my natural storytelling position. "Do you remember the first time you met Abe?" After clarifying that I meant Dr. Erskine, he nodded. "Do you remember what he asked you about Nazis?"

"He asked me if I wanted to kill them."

"And what did you say?"

He paused for a moment- due to fear of remembering or answering I wasn't sure- before repeating his words from that day. "I don't want to kill anybody. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from."

I nodded, a sad smile playing on my lips. "I'm sorry for what this war has done to you. You deserved better." I hesitated a moment, before adding, "Maybe we made a mistake."

"In choosing me?"

Steve was obviously upset, so I hurried to console his worries. "Yes and no." Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say… "What I mean is, you're so _good, _Steve. You're the best man I've ever met. But because Abe and I chose you for the program, we dragged you into all of this, and it's changed you. You were undoubtedly the best choice- the best man. I'm just not so sure anymore that what we needed was a pure heart."

He thought this over for a minute before replying. "I'm glad you chose me. Even though there have been more bad times than good, I would rather be where I am now, who I am now, with the people I'm with now, than where I was."

Movement on my left drew my attention to the half-standing archway, and I saw Peggy standing there, watching Steve longingly. I stood from my seat and kissed Steve's temple lightly. "I'm glad you think so," I whispered before leaving the bar to give Steve and Peggy time to themselves.

Back at camp, the stares had returned, which in turn brought back my bubbling anger.

Stomping into the tent I slept in, I quickly stripped off my gloves and tossed them onto the cot in the corner, tangling my fingers into my hair that I hadn't bothered to fix since the train. I was sure I looked like a madwoman, but I couldn't find it in myself to care at that point.

At some point, Howard came into the tent, but was thankfully silent. He just sat on the edge of the cot and leaned back on his hands, watching me pace the small space.

Why this mission? I asked myself repeatedly. Why did I have to insist on going with them? Maybe if I hadn't been there, if I hadn't seen it happen, it wouldn't hurt this much. Maybe if I hadn't gone, he wouldn't have fallen. Maybe I should have fallen instead.

"You know that isn't true," Howard spoke up quietly, and I realized that I had been talking out loud.

I sat next to Howard, and dropped my head into my hands. "What if it is, though?" I asked quietly. "Bucky was a good guy. A great guy, even. He didn't deserve what happened to him."

"You don't deserve it any more than he did."

My anger finally subsided into another wave of sadness, and my bottom lip quivered as I sucked in a shaky breath. "I don't want to cry anymore," I laughed bitterly, wiping my face free of any tears that may have escaped. "I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of getting hurt. I'm sick of this _fucking_ war," I spat.

Howard placed his hand on the top of my hanging head, and ran his hand soothingly through my hair like he used to do when I was younger and upset. "I know, Susie. We all are."

I cracked a little smile, and shifted my head to look at him through the blonde curtain that swept across my shoulders. "Don't go getting soft on me, Huxley. People might talk."

"Who isn't already talking about our apparently very explicit relationship?" he scoffed, pulling his hand back, and I was glad that he wasn't going to stop me from joking. It was easier to pretend nothing was wrong.

"Steve probably doesn't," I offered. "He's way too innocent."

"Please," Howard snorted, moving to lay back against my cot. "That's obviously all just an act. Nobody is actually that chivalrous."

"You just don't want to admit that he's a better man than you are."

"Oh, no, I can admit that," he disagreed with a cocky grin. "I may be more handsome, more intelligent, and have more money than him, but you're right. He's definitely the better man. I bet he's a virgin."

We went on for another few minutes, but the joking wasn't doing what I wanted it to- it wasn't distracting me. "Where is everybody?" I asked, and he raised an eyebrow when he realized that I wasn't going to make a witty remark in response to him claiming he was smarter than me.

"Apparently after that meeting with Phillips, everybody spread out to do their own thing."

Without another word, I had leaned over Howard, firmly pressing my lips against his. "Jo," he mumbled against my mouth, and I moved to press frantic kisses along his jawline.

"Distract me," I breathed into his neck, shuddering when his hands gripped my waist. "I don't want to think anymore. Distract me, Huxley."

I was immensely grateful for our complicated relationship that night.


	14. Stay

_Just a side note before you read this chapter- I'm sorry if Howard seems a bit OOC this chapter, but as you've seen throughout the story, he's a bit of a softy when it comes to Jo. Especially when she's in danger. I hope you don't think I took him to far, but I really wanted to show his desperation to keep her safe. Thanks, and enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Stay**

I woke up the next morning, still tangled with Howard on my tiny cot. I blinked sleepily before flicking his nose, giggling when it twitched. "Sleep," he mumbled, turning over to pull me tighter against his chest.

Now, normally I would have been more than willing to spend all day in bed with him, but the fact that anybody could walk in at any second, on top of the fact that Schmidt was still out there somewhere, fueled my desire to get up and out of bed. "Not today, darling." I kissed the space in between his eyebrows affectionately, causing him to smile, and pushed myself off of the bed to dress quickly in my standard green outfit. In the last few months, I had grown more accustomed to pants and vaguely wondered when the next time I would wear a dress was.

"Why can't we sleep?" Howard asked, slightly more coherent as he sat up in the bed.

"Because I'm off to kill Little Red," I said nonchalantly, as if I was talking about doing nothing more than going for a stroll in the afternoon. Truthfully, I knew it wouldn't be that simple. Also truthfully, I knew I didn't care how difficult it would be. It was going to get done. "And before I can do that, I'm going to have to meet with the rest of our little gang to discuss strategy."

He nodded as he stood from the bed, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head against my shoulder while I worked on pulling my hair back into a semi-presentable bun. "Alright. You'll be careful, right?"

"Careful doesn't win wars, Hux."

"Promise," he stressed, tightening his grip.

I sighed and turned to press a quick kiss to his hair. "I promise."

Howard smiled and pressed his lips to mine before finally releasing me. "I'm going to get dressed in my tent and I'll meet you at the briefing room."

After agreeing to meet him there, we both exited my tent- him headed towards his own as I headed to the main encampment, both of us ignoring the poorly hidden stares and whispers. We were both used to them, and I for one was too determined to care about rumors this morning.

When I walked into the briefing room, I saw that almost everybody was already in there, except Howard. I sat on Steve's left, and we shared a brief smile before I turned to the papers laid on the desk. They were notes about the invasion plan, and I was glad that I wasn't the only person ready to end this.

"Schmidt belongs in a bug house," Phillips sighed, looking over the world map pinned to the wall at the opposite end of the table. "He thinks he's a god and he's willing to blow up half the world to prove it, starting with the USA."

Apparently the meeting had already started without Howard and I.

A familiar voice answered before anyone else, and I didn't have to look up to know that Howard had already dressed and was joining us. "Schmidt's working with powers beyond our capabilities," he said, sitting at the last available seat to the right of mine. "He gets across the Atlantic, he will wipe out the entire Eastern Seaboard in an hour."

Everyone looked around at everyone else, and Steve dropped his file on the table, a calculating look on his face. I knew that face, and I knew that whatever he was thinking, I was going to involve myself in.

"How much time we got?" Gabe asked from his seat next to Jacques, across the table from me.

"According to my new best friend," Phillips looked up from the papers that had somehow appeared in his hands, "under 24 hours."

"Where is he now?" Montgomery asked from Howard's right side.

Phillips lifted a grainy photograph of mountains from the table and pointed to a small speck on it. "HYDRA's last operational base is here. In the Alps, five hundred feet below the surface."

Jim spoke up now, glancing at the photograph before turning to look at everybody seated around the table. "So what are we supposed to do? I mean, it's not like we can just knock on the front door."

"Why not?" All eyes were simultaneously on Steve, and his own lifted from the table to meet the stares with a level gaze. "That's exactly what we're gonna do."

"I knew that look meant something," I sighed, and he shifted his gaze to mine. "Well," I shrugged, "why the hell not? Nobody can turn down a pretty face like this." I gestured to myself, and the group collectively sighed. "Ouch," I mumbled. "Harsh."

One by one, everybody agreed that there wasn't a better alternative that wouldn't take too long to plan out, and so it was decided that we were going to stroll right up to Little Red's door, like a group of freaking Girl Scouts.

We all separated to change into our respective uniforms, Peggy following after Steve and Howard trailing behind me. Inside of my own tent, I ignored the fact that Howard was watching me and changed from the standard issue army outfit and into my own custom uniform. "Your promise still holds up for this mission," he said, and I flashed him a reassuring smile before turning back to strapping a pistol against my right thigh.

"I know. I will be careful, but that doesn't make where I'm going any less dangerous."

It was only quiet for a brief second before he suddenly asked me, "Stay."

I sighed, shaking my head. "I knew you were going to ask that." I stopped arming myself to turn fully towards him, hands on my hips. "I can't just abandon Steve, or the Commandos. I'm going."

"You belong in a lab, not on the battlefield," he argued.

"I'm just as capable as the rest of the guys out there risking their lives," I countered, and he groaned.

"They have experience! You've gone on one mission."

"One _successful_ mission."

"It doesn't matter, Jo!" he shouted, stepping closer to me. "You can't take this guy on. Trust me, while you were sneaking off to your training seminars, I was here studying the HYDRA weaponry. I don't know what the hell these guys are using to power their weapons, but it's something that we can't even hope to counter. You can't take this guy on!"

"Maybe I can't. But that doesn't mean that I can just leave everyone else to handle it for me!"

"It's not your job!"

"But it _is_ my responsibility!" I yelled, and he shut up, confusion plain across his features. "Everybody here is doing their damnedest to win this war, and I have _no right_ to do any less. I can make a bigger difference out there than I could ever make staying here, and you know that. You're just being selfish trying to keep me here."

"Who gives a shit if I'm being selfish?" he scoffed.

"I do! Fuck that, the whole damned world gives a shit, Howard! You can't keep me here just because you're afraid of what might happen to me."

"Dammit," he growled clenching and unclenching his fists shut, like he wasn't quite sure what to do with his hands. "Damn it all, Jo. I can't- you just… Fuck," he finally hissed harshly. "I can't lose you, okay? If you want me to talk about my stupid feelings, I will. I love you, Jo. You're my best friend, and if being selfish keeps you alive, I will be selfish. Screw Schmidt, screw HYDRA, screw everybody else. I need you. Here. Alive."

It threw me off a bit when he said he loved me. I knew he did, we'd said it before. He didn't have to say it for me to know it. We just didn't say it often. "You know I love you muchly, Huxley," I said quietly, hoping our little joke would break the tension a bit. I was relieved to see it did when he let out an airy laugh.

"I love you muchlier, Susie."

I stepped forward and hugged him, just like I had when he was afraid I was going to die from the radiation. It dawned on me then that I had jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire by taking the super soldier serum. I had exchanged dying a slow, painful death from the inside out to dying yet another possible slow, painful death- this time at the hands of Johann Schmidt.

"I'm not going to die," I promised Howard, hugging him as tightly as I could. "I'm coming back to you. I promise."

"If you don't, I'm totally firing you."

I chuckled against his shoulder and nodded. "I can agree to that." He pulled back a bit from the hug, and I kissed him on the cheek. "Don't you worry your pretty little head about me, Hux. The minute I'm off that plane, I'm coming to see you. Promise."

He held out his pinky, and I made my best serious face as our fingers twined together. "Promise."


	15. Infiltration

**Chapter Fifteen: Infiltration**

Steve and I rode through the forest on his motorcycle, hurrying towards the HYDRA base we knew Schmidt was hiding at. According to Zola, he would be leaving within the hour, so we didn't have any time to waste.

HYDRA agents rode in behind us on their own motorcycles, but they were quickly taken out by the gadgets I had installed into his custom bike, such as- my personal favorite- a flamethrower. I was going to be sad to see this baby go. The closer we got to the base, the more HYDRA goons showed up and the more buttons Steve activated to keep them at bay.

Once inside the camp, we both had to jump off, leaving the bike to roll straight up to the front door and explode. There was no time for goodbyes to one of my favorite inventions of all time, because the second Steve and I touched the ground we were surrounded by dozens of men.

While Steve used his preferred method of kicking ass with his shield, I quickly released the pistol from my thigh and began firing. When somebody got too close, I would switch into the hand-to-hand combat I had learned from Jim.

Our back-to-back tactic worked flawlessly until two assholes came at us with flamethrowers, and I found myself wishing we had stayed on the motorcycle just a bit longer. Pretty soon, the flames died down and we saw that they had been replaced by even more opponents- too many for me to count. "Perfect," I mumbled, and four of the men stepped forward to apprehend Steve and I, two holding each of us.

We were led through the base into a large room that seemed to be made almost completely out of metal, and inside I saw Schmidt for the first time in person.

"Arrogance may not be a uniquely American trait," he taunted as he stepped forward from the shadows, "but I must say, you do it better than anyone." Steve remained silent, and I followed his lead. This was his operation, I was just here to help kick ass when deemed necessary. That and the fact that I refused to let him come without me. "But there are limits to what even you can do, Captain. Or did Erskine tell you otherwise?" I resisted breaking free to punch him in the face at the mention of my friend, but couldn't help the little twitch in my right arm.

It was then that he seemed to notice my presence beside Steve, and a mischievous smirk tugged at his lips. "Dr. Joanne Moore!" he said with enthusiasm so fake I almost cringed. I guess I should have been surprised he knew who I was, but ever since I started working with Howard, I was pretty used to not having a hidden identity. "Whatever are you doing here?"

I shrugged the best I could with two idiots holding my arms tightly behind my back, beaming innocently at the red-faced man. "Oh, you know. Just selling cookies. The shortbread are my favorites." He didn't seem to think I was very funny. How rude- I happen to be hilarious. I could tell Steve wanted me to shut up though, so I didn't bother to tell him the real reason.

"Dr. Erskine told me you were insane," Steve cut in, pulling Schmidt's attention back to him.

He looked almost… disappointed? "Ah. He resented my genius and tried to deny me what was rightfully mine, but he gave you everything. So… what made you so special?"

"Everything," I answered for him. "He's everything you aren't and more, Little Red." He scowled at the nickname, and before I could even blink he backhanded me across the face and punched Steve in the gut, sending both of us to our knees in front of him.

"I can do this all day," Steve panted from the lack of air in his lungs.

Schmidt nodded his head patronizingly. "Oh, of course you can. Of course. But," he pulled one of the HYDRA pistols from his back pocket and aimed it at my head, "I do not believe she could."

The sound of metal embedding into rock caught everyone's attention, and we all turned to see hooks now linked above the window on our left. Steve and I knew the signal to mean reinforcements were here, both of us standing and flipping the HYDRA guards in front of us. Schmidt fired his gun, blasting a guard in front of Steve, and he immediately disintegrated.

The Howling Commandos shattered the glass of the window as they broke their way into the base, guns blazing, and I knocked out the two men who had been holding me before turning back to where Schmidt had been standing moments ago. "Little Red's on the run!" I shouted loud enough for everybody to hear before snatching Steve's shield from the floor and running up to meet him at the door. "Don't you dare leave my baby behind," I said harshly before handing him the shield.

"Thanks," he nodded, ignoring the bite in my tone, and the two of us took of down the hallway Schmidt had escaped through.

Sprinting through the base, we chased after Schmidt as quickly as we could. Somewhere along the way, he had managed to pick up one of the HYDRA guns and was firing back at us with it. Because of this, I had to stay behind Steve so I wouldn't disappear into dust before we caught up to him. A pair of doors started to shut behind him, and Steve launched his shield just in time to snag the doors open.

Before we could continue the chase, another man with a flamethrower was facing us. Steve pulled me back into a crevice in the wall, flames heating up the hallway. "Why is it always fucking flamethrowers?" I complained, and Steve managed to chuckle in the middle of all the chaos.

Without any warning, the flamethrower guy burst into flame himself, and Steve and I peeked around the corner to see Peggy along with a surge of our guys following after her. "You are a doll, Peggy!" I announced with glee, before shoving Steve forward. He stepped towards the brunette, ignoring the soldiers that ran past us.

"You're late," he told her, and I lifted my hand to cover my grin as he repeated her words from when he'd returned from his first successful mission. Seriously, these two were perfect together.

Thankfully, I didn't have to interrupt their moment. "Weren't you about to, uh?" Peggy asked, even though she looked about ready to jump his bones.

"Right!" Steve shouted, and I slowed down enough to wink at her and throw her a thumbs up before running after Steve.

He dislodged his shield from the door, and we both just barely managed to slip through before it shut behind us. By the time we made our way into the hangar Schmidt had run off to, fire was already shooting from the engines as he moved to take off in the weirdest looking aircraft I had ever seen. "Never a dull moment, huh, Cap?" I slapped Steve's shoulder before gesturing towards the army we would have to fight through to stop Schmidt, and he shook his head.

"Couldn't agree more, Jo."

We swept through the cluster of both HYDRA and US Army soldiers, headed straight for the aircraft that Schmidt would be using to cross the Atlantic. At some point my guns had run out of ammo, and I was down to simply shoving people out of my way, keeping one eye on Steve the entire time to make sure we both made it to the plane.

The only reason we were able to get anywhere near that craft was due to the serum pumping in our veins. I knew neither of us had ever run that quickly in our lives, and for the first time since I'd taken the formula, I could hear my heart throbbing in my ears. It wasn't good enough though, and pretty soon the plane was rolling further and further away from us.

"Get in!" I heard Phillips shout, and Steve and I both whipped around to see him driving a black car along with Peggy in the back seat. Without hesitation, the two of us had leaped over the door and were inside of the speeding vehicle, headed towards Schmidt.

As the doors to the hangar opened, Phillips pressed what must have been an overdrive button, because once again my hair was ripped out of the confines of a bun and I had to hold it still over my shoulder as we closed in on the aircraft. "Keep it steady!" Steve instructed as the two of us stood in our seats, ready to jump onto the plane.

"Wait!" Peggy grabbed his wrist, and we both looked back at her. When she stood in her own chair to kiss Steve, I averted my gaze to Phillips, who was shaking his head with a little smile.

"About damn time!" I shouted, laughing when they pulled apart, beaming at one another. Peggy rolled her eyes at me, but I knew she was glad she had done it too.

"Shut up, Jo. Go get him," Peggy instructed the both of us, and I slapped Steve on the back as he looked over at Phillips, who was still shaking his head.

"I'm not kissing you!"

"Not even me?" I questioned, but before he could reply I leaned down and pecked his cheek. "See you around, Colonel."

With that, I followed Steve's lead around to the front of the car, grasping the windshield as the motors on the back of the plane scratched the hood of the car. Just before it completely lifted off, Steve and I leaped at the bottom left wheel.

After making sure we were both still alive and not hurtling towards the earth, I glanced back to see that Phillips had managed to keep the car on the ledge and that he and Peggy were safe. With one less thing to worry about, Steve and I climbed inside of the aircraft as soon as the panels for the landing gear opened to pull the wheels back inside.

Once the panels closed, it was eerily quiet without the wind swirling around us anymore. Steve and I climbed onto a platform and simultaneously looked each other over, assuring ourselves that we'd both made it on alive, before taking the chance to look at our surroundings.

What we saw was devastating. There were dozens of nuclear bombs, all labeled with major cities such as Boston and Chicago. Sitting over the release hatch was the biggest of the bunch, 'NEW YORK' painted in a glaring white on the tip of it. "Oh, no," Steve whispered, only for me to press a hand over his mouth at the sound of footsteps above us. I pointed towards the ceiling, pulling my hand away when he nodded that he understood. We both moved to hiding places as the HYDRA agents marched down to our little walkway, jumping up and taking out two of them at the same time when they were close enough. The remaining three turned on us, one going at Steve with a pocket knife. In the back of my mind I recalled Howard saying that HYDRA wasn't going to attack Steve with a butter knife, and laughed internally at the memory.

They were taken out quickly enough, but more filed into the room shortly after, headed straight for the bombs. At this point, I realized that they weren't normal bombs. There were places on the back of them for a pilot to sit- kamikaze style, then. These HYDRA guys were nuts.

Before one of them could climb inside of the warhead labeled Chicago, I stepped in front of the release hatch and dropped it, the pilot dropping into the air shortly after with a small scream of surprise. Steve picked up the other man he'd been fighting and threw him through the open hatch to join his friend before I pulled the lever to shut it again.

Too late, we noticed that the one labeled New York was already being piloted, and Steve rushed after the man to pull him out.

"Steve, no!" I shouted, but it had already dropped into the sky, him along with it. I jumped over the railing of the walkway I'd been standing on to look down through the hatch, but couldn't see anything below me except clouds.

That's when I noticed Steve had dropped his shield, and picked it up before hurrying back from the hole in the floor. I was looking around at all the bodies on the floor, trying to decide what my next move was when a loud crash sounded on my left. Jumping back, I saw that Steve had somehow managed to take control of the bomb and had piloted it back inside the aircraft.

"Well hot damn, kid!" I laughed, stepping forward to hold his shield out to him. "I'm sure glad I'm on your side."

He took the shield gratefully and ruffled my already ruined hair before hugging me around the shoulders. "I'm glad you're on my side too. It'd be a shame to have to hurt you."

"Like you could," I joked, knowing full well that he could snap me like a twig whenever he pleased, as we pulled apart and made our way towards the main cabin.


	16. Sacrifice

**Chapter Sixteen: Sacrifice**

Steve went in first, and I followed behind him as silently as possible. We knew it had to be where Schmidt was, but I didn't see him anywhere.

In the middle of the room was something that glowed blue, and it instantly reminded me of the weapons HYDRA had been using against us. Curiosity won out over my common sense, and I stepped in front of Steve to stare down at the blue light. "What the hell…?"

The familiar sound of energy powering up startled me out of my reverie, and Steve jumped in front of me just in time to block the blast Schmidt had fired at us. "You don't give up, do you?" he called out.

"Nope!" Steve and I responded at the same time, though mine was more taunting than his. He rushed Schmidt, and I immediately backed up towards the main controls. As long as he had that weapon, I wasn't any match for Little Red.

The two men fought behind me, and I focused on trying to figure out how to turn this thing around. "Jo, move!" Steve yelled from behind me, and I dropped out of the seat and rolled to the right just before he slammed Schmidt into it. This caused the chair to press into the controls, and the aircraft began to drop out of the sky. Plummeting towards the earth caused a sense of anti-gravity in the cabin, and the three of us hit the ceiling.

Steve and Schmidt continued to struggle, and I was frantically searching for something I could use to pull myself back down and try to right the plane. "Foolish girl," Schmidt spat at me, shoving me into one of the side walls before taking over the controls himself and switching the aircraft into autopilot. As soon as we were flying straight again, Steve and I dropped to the floor due to gravity kicking back in.

I dragged myself across the grated floor to curl up behind some rectangular metal box, breathing deeply. Somewhere along the way I had started to ignore that I wasn't as strong as Steve, and all of this being thrown about was really starting to wear me down.

"You could have the power of the gods!" Schmidt yelled, and I saw Steve running across a platform above me. A blue bullet embedded itself into the wall on my right, and I forced myself to keep quiet so he wouldn't find me. "Yet you wear a flag on your chest, and think you fight a battle of nations! I have seen the future, Captain!" Another shot. "There are no flags!"

"Not my future," Steve answered angrily before rushing off again. Steeling my nerves, I risked glancing back up and over the box I was behind to see where the two men were.

Steve threw his shield at Schmidt, causing him to fly back into the pilot seat once again as electricity surged around it. The blue light in the middle of the room shifted, and the top part of the machine opened up, allowing a shrill screeching sound to resonate throughout the room and engulf everything in its eerie glow. "What have you done?!" Schmidt demanded, storming forward and snatching the source of the glow- a blue palm sized cube- from inside the contraption and staring at it almost reverently.

The cube continued to emit screams and beams of light, and I stood fully from my place behind the box now, moving forward slowly to get a better look at the mysterious object. The following events would not have been believable if I hadn't seen them myself.

The ceiling above us transformed into the most captivating image I'd ever seen. It was as if the galaxy itself was inside of the aircraft with us. The only thing capable of drawing my attention away from the stars was Schmidt's horrified screams.

When I averted my gaze to see what was causing him to sound so distressed, I saw that the cube in his hand had burst into brilliant blue and pink flames, and was slowly creeping over his entire being. My arms flew to cover my face as the cube became too bright to look at directly, and Schmidt's screaming became steadily more intense.

One swift second later, all screams died off and I peeked out from behind my gloved hands to see the cube drop to the floor where Schmidt had been standing moments ago, before burning straight through the metal and dropping to the earth below. I stepped forward at the same time as Steve, and he knelt down to pick up his scarred shield before turning back to face me.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and I nodded even though I felt like shit.

"Are you?" He nodded, and we both accepted that the other was lying without question.

We moved towards the control panel, Steve taking the seat and looking it over as I searched for a radio to use. In my search I saw the navigation system labeled 'ZIEL', and noted where exactly we were headed with all of those nukes in the back. "Hey, kid?" Steve looked away from the controls to me, and I pointed at the system.

When our eyes met again, we wore matching expressions of fear. "We can't let this thing get to New York," Steve said, and I easily heard the regret in his voice.

"I know," I agreed. We watched each other for another moment, understanding passing between the two of us. Turning away, I found the radio I had been searching for and picked up the receiver, sending a quick prayer out to the universe that I wouldn't be connected to HYDRA. "Come in, this is Joanne Moore. Does anybody hear me?"

"Jo, what is your loca-" Jim's voice started, but was promptly cut off by Peggy.

"Jo, is that you? Is Steve with you? Are you all right?"

Steve immediately grabbed the transceiver from me, and moved to stand while I took over the controls. "Peggy!" he said quickly, and I watched sadly as his face shifted from a relieved smile to a disappointed frown. "Schmidt's dead."

"What about the plane?" she asked.

Steve met my gaze for a moment, and I nodded. No point lying to her at this point. "That's a little tougher to explain," he said after a moment.

"Give me your coordinates, I'll find you a safe landing site."

I gripped the steering wheel tighter as he admitted our intentions to Peggy. "There's not gonna be a safe landing. Jo is gonna try to force it down."

Peggy stumbled over her next words, and I knew that she wasn't ready to accept this. Neither was I, but the clear decision had been made. Steve and I weren't worth the lives this craft threatened if we allowed it anywhere near people. "I-I'll go get Howard on the line. He'll know what to do."

"There's no time," Steve said, attempting to control the trembling in his hands and voice. "This thing is moving fast, and it's heading for New York." He took a deep breath and I released one hand from steering to grip his free one, and he squeezed back just as tightly. "We're putting her in the water."

"Please don't do this." Peggy's voice was still calm, and I was glad for all of her training in that moment. She would get over this. "We still have time. We can work this out." In a quieter voice, I heard her ask somebody to go find Howard, and I bit down harshly on the inside of my cheek.

Part of me hoped I could talk to him, but the other, more selfish part of me hoped I wouldn't have to say goodbye to him. "Right now we're in the middle of nowhere," Steve argued. "If we wait any longer, a lot of people are gonna die. Peggy…" Steve squeezed my hand again, silently asking for my permission, and I nodded once more. "This is our choice."

He released my hand to reach into his pocket and pull out the compass he'd carried with him on all of his missions, the picture of Peggy glued to the inside, and I pulled my own memento out of my left boot. We placed them side by side against the dashboard, and he chuckled softly at mine.

It was the photo we'd taken on my birthday, before we'd set out to have our picnic in the clearing. The sight of Howard pressing a kiss to my temple while I laughed finally broke me down, and tears started slipping down my cheeks against my will. Steve wrapped his free arm around my shoulders, and I knew that we had to go down now, before it was too late. "Ready, kid?" I asked, though it came out as a whisper.

"As I'll ever be, Blondie." I laughed breathlessly at Bucky's nickname for me, and he pulled the receiver up closer to the both of us. "Peggy?"

"I'm here," she breathed, and I knew that she had broken down too. Nobody ever expected things to happen this way.

"I'm gonna need a raincheck on that dance," he said, and for a brief moment I was upset nobody had told me about said dance.

"All right," she agreed, and I imagined her in the red dress and heels I had dressed her up in weeks ago for our night at the bar. "A week- next Saturday, at the Stork Club.

Steve smiled sadly, and I began to lower the craft towards the clouds below us. "You got it."

"Eight o'clock on the dot, don't you dare be late. Understood?"

Instead of answering, he said, "You know, I still don't know how to dance."

I heard her light laugh over the speaker and smiled. I always liked Peggy's laugh. "I'll show you how, just be there."

"We'll have the band play something slow," Steve suggested. "I'd hate to step on your feet."

As we broke through the clouds and the icy waters below became visible, I heard a voice I'd been half-dreading yelling through the speaker. "Jo! Peggy, give me that. Jo?"

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, trying to hide the fact that I'd been crying. "Hey, Huxley."

"Hey, no crying, baby girl." I should have known he would notice anyway. "We don't cry in front of each other, remember?"

"It just isn't done," I agreed with a small chuckle, which he shared with me.

"Exactly. Of course you would choose ignore our rules, even now."

"You know me, Hux. I've never been one for following the rules."

It was quiet for a moment, and I resisted the urge to close my eyes at how rapidly we were approaching the ocean. We only had seconds left. "Do me a favor, and don't fire me for this."

"Of course not," he agreed easily, though I could hear his voice becoming thick with tears. "This isn't your fault. This was all that bastard Schmidt, you hear me? None of this is on you."

I forced back a sob, and Steve scooted me over in the seat to join me, his hands wrapping over mine on the steering wheel. "I love you muchly, Huxley."

"I love you much-"

* * *

My eyes snapped open, and at first all I saw was white. I shifted my gaze around the room, and was met with mint green walls, a dirty brown carpet, and yellow curtains resting against a brightly lit window.

I sat up in the little bed I had been lying on, and looked down to see myself clothed in a white SSR t-shirt with black sweatpants. Looking around the silent room, I guessed that it was a hospital of some kind, and I was thoroughly, _utterly_ confused.

Images flashed through my mind- Steve holding my hand, tears wetting my cheeks, plummeting into the ice. Waving a hand in front of my face, I pushed the memories out of my mind and stood, circling slowly as I examined the room. The sound of the door opening startled me, causing me to jump a bit.

"Good morning, Dr. Moore," a woman dressed in the standard US Army nursing outfit stepped in, smiling at me softly. "Well, good afternoon, rather."

"Where am I?" I questioned, taking a step back from the woman. "Where's Steve?"

"Captain Rogers is resting in his own room. You're in a recovery facility in New York."

I shook my head, and looked around the room again. "No, no that isn't right. We went down. I brought the plane down." The images threatened to float back to the front of my mind, and I forced them back down.

"_The minute I'm off that plane, I'm coming to see you. Promise."_

"Where's Howard?" I snapped, and the woman blanched, opening her mouth and closing it again.

She thought for a minute before answering. "I-I'm not completely sure, Dr. Moore."

I narrowed my eyes, and stepped closer to her. "What do you mean you're not sure? Where is he? I promised to see him. Take me to him, now!"

"Alright, calm down, Dr. Moore. I'll go see what I can do." She stepped away from me, and placed her right hand on the door to leave.

The flashing red light in her left hand caught my attention, and my first thought was _HYDRA. _Before she could push down on the handle, I forced her back against the wall, my forearm pressing against her throat. "You're not going anywhere until you tell me where I am." The door swung open, two men in black uniforms stepping in, and I tensed to fight them off. Pulling the woman in front of me with one arm twisted behind her back, I silently dared them to try and fight me.

Nobody made a move for a moment, so I decided to ask again. "Where is Howard Stark?"

The two men looked at each other, and I knew I wasn't going to get any answers from them- not truthful ones, anyway. I shoved the woman forward and she stumbled into the two men, the three of them falling back out of the room. Before they could get off the ground, I slammed the door shut and pulled the desk against the wall in front of it to slow them down.

Then I grabbed the metal chair that had been positioned in front of the desk, and took a deep breath before propelling the chair through the window, causing it to shatter into a million tiny shards.

I jumped through the window, and found myself in another larger, darker room instead of outside. "Captain Rogers, wait!" I heard a woman yell, and whipped around to catch a glimpse of a blond man sprinting from the room. Steve? Without a moment of hesitation, I sprinted past the woman saying something about a Code Thirteen and chased after the only other person I knew I could trust.

"Steve?" I shouted after him as I entered a hallway filled with men and women in suits.

"I repeat, all agents. Code Thirteen!" I caught the same blond man sprinting down the left side of the hallway and hurried after him, the men and women who had previously been lounging against the wall following after both of us.

"Steve!" I shouted again, praying to any deity that might be out there that this really was who I needed it to be.

Once outside, I froze at what I saw in front of me. Buildings that touched the clouds, strangely shaped automobiles, giant screens with flickering images. Amidst all the hustle and bustle, I almost forgot that I was looking for Steve until I saw him running in the middle of the street. I went after him immediately, ignoring the wet slapping of my bare feet against the cold ground.

Standing in the middle of the closed off, surrounding buildings, I finally caught up to the man I'd been chasing. "Steve!"

He turned back to face me, his confusion transitioning from recognition to relief. "You're okay!"

I threw my arms around him in a quick hug, thanking the universe that I wasn't completely alone in this strange place. When I pulled back, I saw that we were surrounded by small, black cars. Steve and I separated, moving to stand at each other's sides and tensing for a fight. "At ease, soldier!"

We both turned to see a man dressed in all black and an eyepatch covering his left eye smile faintly at us before stepping closer. I instinctively stepped closer to Steve and clenched my hands into fists, which the man noticed and stopped walking about a foot in front of us. "Look, I'm sorry about that little show back there, but we thought it best to break it to you slowly."

"Break _what_?" I asked, and the black man looked down at me, which made me slightly uncomfortable.

"You two have been asleep. For almost seventy years."

My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach, and I started to pant as I took in my surroundings again. _Ice, crashing, can't breathe, where's Steve? _Unwanted thoughts came rushing back, and I found myself clutching Steve's forearm to keep myself balanced. Look up to him, I saw that he was just as panicked a I was.

"_I'm coming back to you."_

"_I'll be waiting."_

"You gonna be okay?" the unknown man asked, and I couldn't help but think what a stupid question that was.

Steve nodded slowly. "Yeah, yeah, I just…" He looked down to me before saying the next part, grief swimming in in clear blue eyes. "…I had a date."


	17. Back In The Game

**Chapter Seventeen: Back In The Game**

I had taken to going into a secluded gym with Steve during my free time. The style was similar to the time period we were both used to, and it was easy to pretend that we hadn't missed a lifetime when we came here. I would switch back and forth between reading the reports from the time we had missed and practicing everything my friends from the war had taught me, intent on keeping in shape. Not that it was really all that difficult for people like me and Steve.

The only file I hadn't read so far was Howard's. I knew that even if he was still alive, he would be in his nineties by now, and I couldn't bring myself to think of what I would do if he wasn't.

I was shaken from my thoughts by Steve's punching bag flying across the room, the fourth one he'd broken just tonight. I never asked him about it, or got angry with him when we had to pay the gym owner for replacements. I knew he was remembering, because I remembered too.

As he stood there panting, he glanced in my direction and I shrugged before setting down the textbook I had been reading about US History. "I got this one, Cap." He stood in place, glaring daggers into the floor as I moved behind him and picked up another punching bag he had lined up for the night, holding it in place while he fastened it to the chains that would suspend it from the ceiling. "Want me to spot you?"

He nodded silently, and I moved to the opposite side of the bag to brace myself against it. He had only hit it a few times when a familiar voice announced a new visitor, and I bit back a groan. The man who had originally brought Steve and I into SHIELD, Director Fury, came into the room. "Trouble sleeping?"

"I slept for seventy years, sir," Steve answered before returning his attention to the bag. "I think I've had my fill."

"Then you should be out. Celebrating, seeing the world."

"_Celebrating_?" I scoffed, stepping back from the battered equipment to glare at the Director. In the short time I'd known the man, I had grown to really, _really_ dislike him. "Steve and I just went through hell and back, pretty much _literally_, and you think we should celebrate that?"

"The world hasn't ended, Dr. Moore. It's simply changed."

"_Our _world ended," I gestured between Steve and I. "It ended the second we crashed into that ice. When we went under, the world was at war. We wake up, everyone says we won. But nobody told us what we lost. Nobody understands what we lost."

As Fury and I had one of our increasingly common death-glare matches, Steve moved to unwrap his hands. "We have made some mistakes along the way," Fury admitted. "Some very recently."

"Are you here with a mission, sir?" Steve asked, and I finally looked away from Fury when I remembered Steve saying that to Colonel Phillips what seemed like yesterday, but was actually tens of thousands of yesterdays ago.

Fury nodded, and moved to the left to keep both Steve and I in eyesight. "I am."

"Trying to get us back in the world?" Steve pushed, shoving his wrappings into a duffel bag as I moved to grab my textbook from the edge of the boxing ring.

"Trying to save it." I looked up to see him handing Steve a file before holding one out in my direction. I stepped forward to take it, and flipped it open. The very first page had me boiling in anger, and I slammed it back shut.

Steve glanced at me before opening his own file, understanding washing over his features when he saw what I despised seeing. "HYDRA's secret weapon."

"Howard Stark," I flinched, "fished that out of the ocean when he was looking for you two. He thought what we think. The Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That's something the world sorely needs."

The file was taken gently from my hands, and I looked up to see Steve staring worriedly at me. I mustered up a small smile to show him that I was okay, and he didn't push. He simply took my file, piling it on top of his, and handed them back to Fury. "Who took it from you?"

"He's called Loki," Fury explained, tucking the files underneath his arm before crossing his hands together in front of himself. "He's… not from around here. There's a lot we're gonna need to bring you two up to speed on, if you're in. The world has gotten even stranger than you already know."

Glancing back at me with a small grin, Steve said, "At this point, I doubt anything could really surprise us." I nodded my agreement, but Fury didn't seem to think so.

"Ten bucks says you're wrong." Steve moved to pick up one of his punching bags to bring back to his apartment, which was next door to mine. "There's a debriefing packet waiting for the both of you back at your apartments." I grabbed Steve's duffel bag for him, which earned me a grateful nod as we moved to leave the gym. The mood had been ruined when Fury came in, and I could tell Steve wanted out of there just as badly as I did at that point. "Is there anything either of you can tell us about the Tesseract that we ought to know now?"

We both paused for a brief moment, before continuing our way out of the gym. Without turning back, Steve mumbled, just loud enough for the man behind us to hear, "You should have left it in the ocean."

* * *

On our walk back to the apartment, we decided to stop at a little café for a quick bite to eat. "Can you believe we come back after seventy years, and have to deal with the same fucking problems?" I sighed, running my hands through my loose hair. Since I had woken up, I had taken to wearing it down instead of up, as it seemed to help me blend in more with today's society. One thing I was grateful for was that in this century, it was completely normal for women to wear simple, form-fitting clothes. And pants. I love pants.

"They're not exactly the same," Steve shrugged as he looked over the menu. "There's no HYDRA, no Schmidt."

"Right," I snapped angrily. "But there's also no Phillips, no Commandos, no…" I stopped, not wanting to bring up Peggy or Howard. Even though I hadn't gone that far, I could still see that Steve's mood had soured at the mention of our friends. "I'm sorry," I apologized and reached across the table to hold his hand in what I hoped was a comforting manner. "I didn't… I know you miss them too."

He nodded, but didn't speak again until the waitress came over and asked what we'd like. We both put in a simple order for a burger and fries, with just water to drink. Realizing that he wasn't going to say anything else to me for a while, I let my eyes drift around the night sky.

One of the most irritating things about this new time was how _bright_ everything was. There were so many lights that you were lucky to see just a couple stars, even in the middle of the night.

Another unnecessarily bright light flickered to life in the corner of my vision, and my heart clogged my throat when I turned to see what it was. The name 'STARK' was plastered in glowing blue letters across the top of one of the tallest buildings I'd seen yet, and I stumbled as I quickly pushed back out of my seat. "Jo?" Steve asked. When I didn't say anything, eyes glued to the name in the sky, he turned back to see what I was staring at.

I didn't wait around for him to tell me it was a bad idea, like he undoubtedly would. I just took off running down the sidewalk, ignoring the strange looks the men and women that littered the city gave me. The closer I got to the building, the harder it seemed to breathe as everything I'd read in the files ran through my mind.

Peggy was alive, and living in London. Jim and Montgomery were dead. Gabe, Jacques and Dum Dum were still active SHIELD members- they had helped Peggy and Howard found the organization shortly after Steve and I had crashed. Howard found the Tesseract at the bottom of the ocean during his search for Steve and I and kept it hidden inside of SHIELD until it was recently stolen by somebody named Loki.

But what had happened to my Huxley?

I came to a sudden stop outside of the building, staring up disbelievingly at just how insanely large it was. I'd never seen anything like it. Howard always did want to be the best, always wanted to be in the spotlight.

"Dr. Moore?" I looked down to see a man in a suit standing next to a ginger woman.

Nobody had recognized me except SHIELD agents so far- everybody having forgotten about Howard Stark's right hand woman sometime during the last seventy years- so I could only assume that this man worked for the organization that had pulled me out of the ice. "Who are you?"

"I'm Agent Coulson," he said with a smile on his face, confirming my theory of his involvement with SHIELD, and stepped forward to shake my hand. I accepted the gesture, eyeing the woman who had yet to introduce herself. "What are you doing out here?"

I looked up at the name on the building again before returning my curious gaze to Agent Coulson. "I was at a café nearby and saw the tower light up. I just… wanted to see it up close, I suppose."

He nodded knowingly for a moment, and the woman stepped forward. "Excuse me? Hi, I'm Pepper," she mimicked Agent Coulson by holding her hand out, which I shook. "So, you're Joanne Moore? Tony's told me a bit about you."

"I am, but I don't know anybody named Tony."

Her eyebrows raised a bit. "Really? I'm sorry, I just assumed… From what he's told me about your relationship with Howard, I just figured that SHIELD would have told you about him."

I winced a bit at the mention of Howard, but quickly smoothed out my features. "They gave me a file, but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet." I could tell she was going to go on, but I still wasn't comfortable talking about the past with anybody but Steve so I quickly dismissed myself. "I'm sorry, but I was with a friend and should really be getting back."

Before either of them could protest, I turned back the way I had come from, pulling my grey hood up to cover my hair and part of my face. I don't know if I had originally planned on going into the building or not, but it suddenly seemed like a very bad idea. Back at the café, I saw that Steve had already paid for the food I hadn't eaten and was leaning against the brick wall, waiting on me. "Did you see what you wanted to see?" he asked, pushing off the wall to walk with me back to the apartments. I shook my head, and was grateful for our unspoken agreement that we weren't going to push each other to talk about things if we didn't want to- especially the past. Our present.

I still couldn't wrap my head around any of it.


	18. Reassurance

**Chapter Eighteen: Reassurance**

I spent the night reading over the debriefing packet on my couch with a glass of scotch, scowling when I remembered I couldn't get drunk. After my almost-encounter with whatever had been inside of the Stark building earlier that evening, I was really hoping that I could just forget about it for a while. Plus, the drinking might have helped me sleep easier if my metabolism didn't burn through it so quickly.

No such luck for me.

Inside of the packet was information on everybody that would be helping to track down Loki and the Tesseract. The first page was over Steve, and I ran my fingers down the old black and white picture of him in his uniform. I vaguely wondered what they had down with our outfits. We had gone down in them, but we had woken up in different clothing and nobody ever explained what they had done with them.

Deciding I knew more about Steve than they could ever explain in so few pages, I skipped to the next participant- Dr. Bruce Banner. I read all about his incident with the gamma radiation bomb, and the failed attempt to recreate the super soldier serum. I felt an instant kinship with the man that I'd never met, knowing almost exactly how he felt since I had gone through much of the same myself. That was until I read about what the radiation did to him. For me, it had heightened the serum and made me more like Steve.

It turned him into an inhuman creature known as The Hulk.

I turned the page after that, ignoring the destruction he had caused the city of New York I had once been willing to die for.

Natasha Romanoff. Another woman, huh? That was one perk of this century. Women's rights were a lot closer to men's than they had been back in my day. That thought made me laugh. I sounded more and more like an old lady lately. This woman was an expert assassin, having been raised in a facility known as The Red Room, trained her entire life to be the perfect killer. Scary.

Her partner, Clint Barton, had been recruited into SHIELD a few years ago. His preferred weapon was a bow and arrow, which I thought was actually really cool. I thought that he was one of the people I looked forward to meeting, but was disappointed to find that he had been compromised and was working for Loki. When I read that Loki had used a 'blue-glowing staff' to turn him with a simple touch, I was reminded instantly of HYDRA and quickly changed the page. I still couldn't think about them without making my nightmares all the worse.

I decided it was time for bed halfway through Thor's file. I didn't even believe in the one common God, and now I was supposed to believe that there were literally planets out there filled with them? Then I remembered seeing the universe inside of Schmidt's aircraft, and decided that if the Tesseract could exist, why couldn't buff guys in capes?

Sighing heavily, I dropped the file onto my coffee table and stood from the couch, stretching. The digital clock- which was one of the new inventions that I found very handy- I had been gifted by SHIELD said it was well after three in the morning, and I frowned. I didn't realize I had been up that long, and I was being picked up along with Steve in just a few hours to go meet these other people I'd been reading about on something called a 'helicarrier'.

A knock at the door had me instantly on guard, but then I remembered that the only people who ever knocked on my door were Fury and Steve, and relaxed. "Coming," I called as I made my way through the tiny apartment to open the door, and was unsurprised to find Steve standing there in his t-shirt and sweatpants. "Hey, kid. Come on in."

He entered and looked around the little living room, even though he'd been inside of it almost as often as I'd been inside of his. Being the only two people on earth who could really understand what the other was going through had made us even closer than we had been during the war, and we spent more of our time together than apart. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"You know as well as I do that I haven't even been to bed yet," I answered, gesturing towards the alcohol sitting next to the file on my wooden table. "I was reading about our new friends."

He looked at me for a minute before sighing, turning to face the couch. Even though I knew exactly what had happened and why he was here, because it happened to one of us almost every night, he was still as embarrassed as always to admit it.

"Do you wanna sleep over here, Steve?" He nodded. "Alright. Help me pull out the couch then."

We quietly pulled the couch out into a bed, and I fixed it up with the sheets and pillows I always kept nearby for nights like these. Ever since we'd woken up, we'd both been having troubles with flashbacks and nightmares. It was a rare night when we weren't sleeping in the same apartment, either mine or his. Even though we usually slept in separate rooms, it was reassuring just to have the knowledge that somebody we trusted was nearby. "Thanks, Jo," Steve said after we had the couch all made up for him to sleep on.

"Anytime, doll," I smiled and reached up to kiss his cheek. "Wake me up if you need anything."

He agreed that he would come get me if he needed me, and I went into my bedroom to change into a tank top and yoga pants before crawling into bed. When sleep finally came for me, it was fitful as usual.

_"I have seen the future, Captain! There are no flags!"_

_"I-I'll get Howard on the line. He'll know what to do."_

_"This is our choice."_

_"Hey, no crying, baby girl."_

_"I love you muchly, Huxley."_

_"I love you much-"_

"Jo!" I shot out of bed, and swung my arm out to protect myself from the arm that was grabbing my shoulder. "Hey, calm down. It's Steve, it's just me." I shook my head, the terror subsiding, and I recognized that the man I'd attacked was my friend. "Better now?"

I took a few breaths before shaking my head, laughing bitterly. "Of course. Everything is just snazzy, Cap. Go back to bed."

He watched me with thinned lips, thinking for a moment, before nudging me in the side. "Come on. It's one of those nights." I didn't even try to disagree with him at this point. He'd become just as stubborn as Peggy had been lately, and arguing with him just ended up with both of us even more frustrated than earlier, and he still got what he wanted anyway. I moved over to the right side of the bed and he laid next to me.

Of course, he was still the perfect gentleman he'd always been. On nights when we couldn't handle being alone, we'd sleep together, but we never did more than hold hands. So, on this night when I couldn't shake my nightmares, head flooded with thoughts of coming out of one war only to jump straight into yet another, we laid side by side, his left hand gripping my right one. "Thanks, doll," I whispered in the dark room, and he squeezed my hand tightly in response.

Sleep was just a bit easier, then.


	19. Helicarrier

**Chapter Nineteen: Helicarrier**

The next morning, Steve and I talked about what little we knew of popular culture in the twenty-first century over cereal in my small kitchen as we waited for our escort from SHIELD to pick us up. "Have you heard this Taylor Swift girl's music?" I asked, scrunching my nose up. "Or this group of boys... What were they called? Something about directions. Music is…" I shook my head, and Steve answered for me.

"Different?"

I laughed as I finished off my Lucky Charms and moved to rise the bowl out in the sink. "That's putting it nicely. How very you."

A knock on the door cut our conversation short, and I was mildly surprised to see that our escort was somebody I didn't know. "Hello, Dr. Moore," the man in the suit greeted.

As I looked him over, it was clear to see that he was in fact a SHIELD agent. They all wore the same outfit, and many of the men wore sunglasses even indoors or at nighttime. It was odd, to say the least. "So, you're the guy taking us out to this boat, then?"

He nodded. "I am. Captain Rogers wasn't in his apartment, however. Do you know where he is?"

I pointed my thumb over my shoulder. "He's in my kitchen."

If he was surprised, he didn't voice it, instead just telling me that he'd be down in the car and we should join him as soon as possible. After agreeing to be down there in just a few minutes, I closed the door and went back to see Steve washing out his bowl. "Was that the SHIELD agent?" he asked, and I told him it was.

"He says to meet him down there as soon as possible."

Steve finished drying out his bowl and placed it in the cupboard before turning back to me. "Okay. I'll go get dressed and meet you down there."

* * *

After an uncomfortably quiet car ride, Steve and I boarded one of the smallest airplanes I'd ever seen. Sitting inside of said plane was the man I'd met outside of the Stark building the day before. "Agent Coulson, right?" I said, shaking his hand. Steve glanced at me, probably curious as to how I knew the man.

"I'm glad you remember me, Dr. Moore," he said with the same nervous smile he'd worn the day before. When he looked over to Steve, it widened even further. "Captain Rogers. A pleasure to meet you."

Steve shook the man's hand with a silent smile before the both of us moved to sit against the left wall of the plane. Agent Coulson sat in a chair across from us and typed a few things into a very flat looking computer, which I'd been informed was called a laptop. "We're about forty minutes out from home base, sir," the pilot said over his shoulder, and Coulson nodded.

He typed a few more things, and stood to face us as Steve read over the file he was supposed to have read last night. I didn't blame him for not going over it though- I didn't finish it either. "So this Dr. Banner was trying to replicate the serum they used on me and Jo?"

"A lot of people were," Coulson confirmed as he moved to hold onto the safety latch next to Steve, glancing down at the device in Steve's hand. "You were the world's first superheroes. Banner thought gamma radiation might hold the key to unlocking Erskine's original formula." I cleared my throat a bit, and Coulson sent me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Erskine _and_ Dr. Moore's formula."

"Call me Jo. Everybody does, except people I don't like," I corrected, and felt Steve's shoulder shake against mine when he laughed silently.

"Didn't really go his way, did it?" Steve asked, though it was more of a statement. He had all the proof he needed by video playing on the strange device he was holding.

"Not so much," Coulson agreed. "When he's not that thing though, the guy's like a Stephen Hawking." Steve and I both sent him confused looks, and he began to stutter. "He's like a- a smart person." Steve glanced at me for clarification, but I just shrugged. I had no idea who this Stephen guy was either. "I gotta say," the agent started again, taking a little step back and holding his hands out to gesture towards Steve and I, "it's an honor to meet you two. Officially. I've sort of met you. I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping."

Steve grinned a bit and nodded, but I could tell he was extremely uncomfortable in the situation. I was too, but he was a lot more shy than I was. While Steve looked about ready to just jump out of the plane, I was trying not to laugh at the poor, stumbling agent.

"I mean, I- I was present while you were unconscious in the ice," Coulson tried to recover, but the damage had already been done. Steve stood and moved to the front of the plane to look out through the windshield, while I simply patted Coulson's shoulder. That didn't seem to help much, and he just stuttered more as I moved to stand next to Steve. "You know, it's just- just it's really a huge, huge honor to have you on board this, uh…"

I couldn't take any more of this. While I thought it was very sweet to have an admirer, I really just wanted the agent to kindly shut up. Steve was too much of a gentleman to ever admit it, but I knew he wanted the same thing. "We just hope we're the right people for the job," I cut Coulson off and gave Steve's back a subtle, reassuring pat.

Sadly, my attempt at ending the conversation went completely unnoticed. "Oh, you are. Absolutely. We made some modifications to the uniforms, I even had a little design input."

"The uniforms?" Steve questioned. "Aren't the stars and stripes a little… old-fashioned?"

"With the things that are happening, the things that are about to come to light? People might just need a little old-fashioned."

A very welcome silence settled over us then, and it wasn't long until the helicarrier came into sight. Steve and I moved to the back of the plane, Coulson standing in front of us while we waited for it to land. The back wall lowered to the ground of the ship, and Coulson stepped out with Steve and I following. "Grab their gear," Coulson commanded a nearby man in a yellow jacket, pointing towards us to specify whose gear he was talking about. A familiar looking red-headed woman walked over to greet us, and I recognized her from her SHIELD ledger as soon as Agent Coulson called her by her name. "Agent Romanoff. Captain Rogers, Dr. Moore."

"Ma'am," Steve nodded.

"Just Jo," I corrected, shooting Coulson a significant glance.

"Hi," Romanoff said lifelessly to the both of us before turning to face Coulson. "They need you on the bridge. They're starting the face-trace." After agreeing to see her there, Coulson walked off towards the inside of the helicarrier, leaving Steve and I with a new handler.

She started to leave, and Steve and I peeked at each other before following beside her. "It was quite the buzz around here, finding you two in the ice. I thought Coulson was gonna swoon." A little laugh bubbled up before I could stop it, and Steve shot me a mock-disapproving glance before chuckling himself. "Did he ask you to sign his Captain America and Liberty trading cards?"

"They actually went with that name?" I groaned, at the same time Steve asked, "Trading cards?"

Natasha smirked at me before answering Steve's question. "They're vintage. He's very proud."

I saw a man in a tan-colored suit stumbling about, looking very nervous and very lost, and recognized him from the pictures I'd seen of him last night. Deciding to save him from his anxiety, I called out, "Dr. Banner!"

He looked up towards us, and it took a second before realization crossed his face and he stepped forward to shake both of our hands. "Oh, yeah. Hi. They told me you two would be coming."

"Word is you can find the cube," Steve said, and Banner looked between the both of us before slipping his hands into his jacket pockets.

"Is that the only word on me?"

"Only word I care about." Banner seemed satisfied enough with the answer.

I nodded my agreement with Steve before shrugging my shoulders. "Besides, it would be pretty hypocritical of me if I disapproved you attempting to recreate the serum for yourself."

Banner's lips twitched into a little smile, which I easily returned. He looked around for a bit, which I got the sense he did quite a bit, before motioning to the dozens of people marching around the boat. "It must be pretty strange for you, all of this."

"Well," Steve started, glancing at the group of men jogging to the beat of their instructor's orders, "actually, this part is kind of familiar."

The three of us had gotten closer to the edge of the boat, and Natasha stepped forward. "Gentlemen, Jo." I was glad she used that name. I just might strangle the next person who called me doctor. "You might want to step inside in a minute. It's going to get a little hard to breathe."

Alarms sounded, and men rushed from all around us to make their way inside. "What is this, a submarine?" I asked. It looked way too heavy to be a functioning sub, but I had no idea what kind of advances they'd made in the last lifetime.

"Really?" Banner questioned, shaking his head incredulously. "They want _me _in a submerged, pressurized, metal container?" Natasha stayed back this time as all three of us moved to look over the edge of the boat-sub-whatever the hell this thing was. As the turbines powered up and- to the great surprise of all three of us- the boat began to lift into the air, Banner started to laugh. "No, no. This is much worse."

Remembering what happened the last time I was on an aircraft above the ocean, I quickly sought comfort in Steve's presence by inching myself closer to him. He looked down at me knowingly before patting my shoulder. "Let's head in, okay?" I nodded, and followed behind him as we entered the helicarrier.


	20. Germany

**Chapter Twenty: Germany**

As the three of us entered the helicarrier, the voices of several agents talking at once continued to grow louder and louder. I caught Steve and Dr. Banner glimpsing at each other every once in a while, and found myself wondering just what one thought of the other.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as soon as we walked onto the bridge, stunned by the size of it all. The entire front wall was one giant window, and I forced my attention to Fury standing above everybody else to keep myself from remembering a very similar plane I'd been on. "We are at level sir," a woman called, and I saw Fury crack a little smile- the first one since I'd first met him in the streets of New York.

"Good. Let's vanish," he instructed, and the agents in the room started mumbling about retro-reflection panels. I moved with Steve to stand behind Fury, next to a circular glass table- Banner on the opposite side- and noted the wonder on his face before crossing my arms over my chest. "Gentlemen," Fury greeted as he turned to face us. "Dr. Moore."

Steve stepped forward to hand Fury a ten dollar bill, and a short burst of laughter bubbled through my lips, earning a strange look from Dr. Banner that I dismissed with a wave of my hand.

The director stepped forward to greet Banner personally, and it wasn't difficult to see that neither of them trusted each other. Deciding to come to the good doctor's aid- and not at all because I enjoyed pissing off Fury- I jumped in on the conversation by wrapping one arm around Banner's shoulders as he asked how long he was going to be staying. "Good question, doll," I nodded, ignoring his shocked expression that I was standing so close to him. "How long do you plan on keeping us on this boat-plane-thing, Director?"

Fury shot me a withering look before turning back to the stunned Dr. Banner. "Once we get our hands on the Tesseract, you're in the wind."

"Don't actually put your hands on it, though," I warned. "It doesn't very well agree with human interaction."

Banner actually chuckled a bit at that, which I considered to be a huge compliment to myself, before slipping easily out of my grasp. "Right, no touching the cube. Where are you with finding it?"

Coulson answered then, as Fury pointed towards him and I stepped forward to listen more intently to his explanation. "We're sweeping every wirelessly accessible camera on the planet. Cell phones, laptops… If it's connected to a satellite, it's eyes and ears for us."

"That's still not gonna find him in time," Natasha joined the conversation, looking at a picture of Agent Barton on a computer screen.

"You need to narrow your field," Banner agreed. "How many spectrometers do you have access to?"

"How many are there?" Fury asked, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Cocky bastard, isn't he?" I stage-whispered towards Steve, barely lowering my voice at all, which he shook his head disapprovingly at.

Banner, learning far more quickly than I might have liked that it was best to just ignore me, continued his discussion with the glaring director. "Call every lab you know. Tell them to put the spectrometers on the roof and calibrate them for gamma rays. I'll rough out a tracking algorithm, basic cluster recognition. At least we could rule out a few places. Do you have somewhere for me to work?"

"Agent Romanoff?" Fury asked, glancing at the woman before turning back to Banner. "Would you show Dr. Banner to his laboratory please?"

Without looking at him, Natasha walked right past Banner and continued on down the hallway. "You're gonna love it, doc. We got all the toys."

"Ooh, toys," I clapped my hands and made to follow after the pair, but was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. Looking back, I saw that it was Steve. "Must you always ruin my fun, Cap?"

"Afraid so," he smirked and I sighed dramatically, slapping my hands against my jeans.

"_Fine_. How do you intend to distract me until I have something useful to do, then?"

He produced a pack of cards from the pocket of his tan leather jacket, and waved them around a bit. "High stakes crazy eights?"

I snatched the pack from his hand with a raised brow and a mischievous grin before sauntering towards the glass table and dropping into a seat. "Game on, kid."

* * *

At some point during our sixth game, Coulson had wondered over to stand behind the both of our chairs, watching over our shoulders. I didn't pay much attention to what he was saying, letting Steve answer his questions while I focused on our game, intent on winning back the thirty bucks he had managed to swipe from me in our previous rounds.

My attention wasn't pulled away from the cards until he mentioned us signing his trading cards that Natasha had warned us about earlier. "I mean, if it's not too much trouble," he said after Steve mumbled his acceptance.

"No, it's fine," Steve muttered, narrowing his eyes slightly at the playing cards in his hand. I wasn't completely sure if he even knew what he was agreeing to, but figured it didn't matter much. They were just cards, and he just wanted our signatures.

"It's a vintage set," Coulson continued proudly. "It took me a couple years to collect them all. Near mint, slight foxing around the edges, but…"

I was going to ask him to just go ahead and give them to us already so we could sign them, but an agent from across the room called out that he had gotten a hit on his face-trace. "Sixty-seven percent match. Wait, cross match… Seventy-nine percent."

Coulson walked away from us then, and Steve pocketed the cash he'd managed to snatch from me while I cleaned up the cards on the table. "Rematch tonight," I challenged and he nodded, claiming that he would gladly take my money from me.

"Captain, Moore?" Fury called, and we both turned to face him. "You're up."

* * *

We were told by a nameless agent where our gear was stored, and I smiled fondly at what I saw when we entered the room. Our suits were side by side in a glass case, looking every bit as spiffy as before but with minor changes. His suit looked almost the same, except for the helmet. Mine had been changed from all black to a dark navy blue, with the familiar red boots and blue gloves. One noticeable difference was the triangular-cut bandana with the American flag printed on it set next to my dual pistols.

A small piece of paper rested on top of it that read, "Part of my design- to help keep your hair back. Coulson." With a small laugh- and a quick thought as to how exactly he knew I had trouble with my hair in the first place- I pulled my hair back into a loose bun and wrapped the very patriotic looking bandana in my hair. "How do I look?" I asked Steve, posing as I would if he was to take a picture.

He grinned at the bandana. "We match."

"I think it's fitting," I offered, running my fingers along the cloth before moving them to his refurbished shield. "You know, this is the best thing I ever invented. I'm glad they found it."

"So am I," he agreed.

After dressing and reminiscing, we hurried out to the landing pad where we met Natasha who was going to be flying us out to Loki's location- Germany.

"Why is it always Germany?" I sighed as we entered the jet.

Steve sent me a knowing look, and Natasha laughed while the doors closed behind us.

It didn't take long for us to get to where we were going, and the sight below us made me cringe. A crowd of civilians kneeled, encircled by five of the same man I recognized instantly as Loki. Great. On top of crazy new technology, we were dealing with _magic. _I really missed the simpler times.

Natasha flew over the crowd just as Loki lifted his scepter towards the only man standing amongst the others, but before anybody could be hurt Steve jumped out and lifted his shield to counter the blast that reminded me too much of HYDRA's weapons for my own comfort.

I dropped next to Steve and pulled out my own guns, twirling the familiar weight in my hands as Loki stood to glare at us. "You know," Steve started as we stepped down to Loki's level, "the last time I was in Germany and saw a man standing above everybody else, we ended up disagreeing."

"The soldier," Loki mocked, looking back and forth between the two of us, "and the doctor. A pair out of time."

"Oh, we're not the ones out of time, doll," I disagreed with a shake of my head.

Natasha brought the jet closer to the ground. "Loki, drop the weapon and stand down."

Instead of listening like a good boy, he raised his weapon and fired at her. She managed to pull away in time, and Steve launched his shield at him while I resisted the urge to shoot him. I didn't want to risk hurting any of the scrambling citizens, so instead I rushed to help the people scatter while Steve handled Loki.

"Kneel," I heard the man in green command when I wasn't looking, and turned back to see him holding the scepter to Steve's head, which sent adrenaline and hatred pumping through my veins.

I sprinted towards Loki, swinging my right foot out to strike the side of his head. He was knocked to the ground and I stepped forward to hit him again. "The only person allowed to threaten the Captain is me," I warned in a forcefully bright tone. I was ready to pull him up just to knock him down again, but he was already back on his feet and had his scepter raised to fire at me.

Before he had the chance, unfamiliar music blasted throughout the courtyard at the same time something that looked similar to fire blasted Loki, and he hit the stone steps with a loud thud. I looked up to see a red and gold metal man land to my left on one knee. I immediately recognized the technology he'd used as Stark Industries, even though it looked different to when I'd worked on it myself before the war.

The man stood and raised his hand towards Loki, palm out as energy pulsed through it and many smaller gadgets appeared across his arms and shoulders. "Make your move, Reindeer Games." Steve moved to stand at the man's left, and I followed to stand beside him, keeping my attention on the newcomer. I assumed Loki had surrendered when his weapons shifted back to the inside of his suit, and he lowered his arms. "Good move." His glowing eyes glanced towards Steve and I standing next to him. "Captain. Doctor."

Steve glanced at me before simply nodding back at the man in greeting and going to apprehend Loki. I had a million questions for the metal man- mainly how he had gotten a hold of mine and Howard's Gravitic Reversion Technology, and how it was even working.

The three of us boarded the jet, Steve planting Loki in a seat near the doors, before the two of us moved to stand against the left wall and the metal man against the right one. As soon as we took off, he removed his helmet and I had to lock my knees to keep myself from falling. _Huxley_? I quickly shoved that thought far from my mind. It was impossible. But he looked _so much_ like him…

Everything clicked. "You're Tony," I said, pointing at the man, and Steve looked down at me in surprise. I couldn't tell if he knew Tony or not, but he sure as hell hadn't been expecting me to know who he was.

"Uh, duh," Tony scoffed. "Didn't SHIELD tell you about me?"

"No," I shook my head. "Pepper did."

His eyes widened a fraction before narrowing. "When did you meet Pepper?"

"How are you related to Howard?" I asked, ignoring his question. He looked almost identical to my friend, and on top of knowing about me, it had been presumed that I would know Tony through Howard. He had to be related somehow.

He laughed for a minute and I glanced at Steve to see him actively avoiding my gaze. When he realized I wasn't kidding, he sobered up. "Seriously? Capsicle knows who I am, and you don't?"

Steve and I both bristled at the nickname, unwanted memories fighting against carefully constructed mental barriers to get through. "First of all, not funny," I scolded. "Don't call him that. Second, you haven't answered my question."

"You didn't answer mine either."

My jaw tightened for a second before I forcibly loosened it. "I ran into her and Agent Coulson outside of the Stark building. She introduced herself, and said that you had talked to her about me. The only people who know who I am anymore are SHIELD agents, which you are obviously not. Not to mention that you look almost exactly like him. So, how are you related to Howard?"

"I'm his son," he answered simply before turning away from me, a clear signal that the conversation was over.

After the initial blinding shock, I remembered the suit he was wearing. "That makes sense," I mumbled, more to myself than to anyone else. "Only Howard's kid would be able to finally make gravitic repulsion actually work for more than a few seconds…"

He didn't respond, and that was completely fine with me, because I was too busy attempting to sift through my own thoughts to even consider voicing them. Howard had a _kid?_ With who? When? Why did his kid not want to talk about him? _He had a kid?!_

Steve placed a hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him and silently asking if I was alright. The expression on my face must have given him his answer, because he sighed and let his hand drop before turning back to Tony.

Tony Stark.

Howard's son.

That was going to take some getting used to.

* * *

_**A/N**_

**Before I continue this story, I have some questions for you lovely readers:**

1) What do you make of Jo's personality/reactions so far? I've had mixed reactions. Some people think she's more bothered than Steve, but others say that she seems to be taking things a little _too_ well. What do you think? Do you have any suggestions for the future?

2) Do you think Jo should have another love interest? Do you think she really did love Howard as more than a best friend? If yes, will she ever realize it?

3) What do you think the relationship between Jo and Tony will be? Will Tony resent her like he does Steve, because his dad spent all his time looking for her in the ocean? Will he be interested in her like her father was, and want to be her friend- invite her to Stark Tower? What do you think they'll make of each other?

**I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions before I take this story any further, so I'm not going to post the next chapter for a few days so you all have time to think about what you want from this story. I can't promise I'll make it happen, since I do already have a general plotline, but I think it's important to get your feedback. Especially on character personalities and relationships.**

**Thank you! :)**


	21. Gods

**Chapter Twenty-One: Gods**

Eventually I had given up trying to wrap my head around the fact that Howard had actually gone out and found the time to settle down with a family, instead deciding to distract myself by sitting across from and engaging in a staring contest with Loki. Steve had stepped forward and was having a quiet conversation with Tony in the front of the jet, but I ignored them to continue my match against the so-called 'god of mischief'.

"So you want to take over the world, hm?" I mumbled, resting my elbows against my upper thighs and tapping my forefingers to my lips without ever breaking eye contact. "Why is that?" He smirked instead of answering, and I narrowed my eyes at him. "You are a very stubborn man."

"I am no mere man," he corrected in a quiet, silky voice. "I am a god."

"_Right_," I drawled. "Thing is, I don't believe in God- gods- whatever. I hate to break it to you babycakes, but you're nothing more than a man with a superiority complex."

His jaw clenched, and I shifted my hands to cover my happy grin at the fact that I'd hit a sore spot. Good_. _Maybe he'd rethink aiming pointy objects at my friends in the future.

A clash of thunder caused him to look away from me and towards the ceiling, and I pumped my fist into the air. "I win!" I announced, causing the other three members of my team in the jet to look back at me with confused- yet somewhat amused- expressions.

"What's the matter?" Steve asked Loki. "Scared of a little lightning?"

"I'm not overly fond of what follows," he amended, glancing about nervously.

A loud _thunk_ sounded on the roof, and Tony slid his helmet back on before opening the rear hatch to look outside. I followed behind him, glancing out to see what had caused the sudden lightning storm as I tightened my headband to prevent it from falling out. "What are you doing?" Steve asked, but neither of us answered, too focused on the blond man who had suddenly landed on the opened hatch door.

I snapped my fingers in recognition and pointed them at the man in the red cape. "Thor!" He glanced in my direction with furrowed eyebrows. Right. He didn't know who I was. Before I had the chance to explain, Tony lifted his palm, charging up to blast the newcomer. He didn't get the chance, due to Thor slamming his hammer into his chest, consequently sending him flying back into Steve on the other side of the plane.

Thor then grabbed Loki by the throat and swung his hammer in a circle before flying out of the jet, leaving everybody else to stare in awe as Tony and Steve attempted to disentangle themselves from one another. "And now there's that guy," Tony grumbled once he'd managed to stand back up.

"Another Asgardian?" Natasha asked from the front.

"I couldn't have been the only person to read about who we were working with, right?" I interjected.

"Is he a friendly?" Steve asked me, and I shrugged.

"It doesn't matter," Tony answered for me, stepping towards the open back of the plane. "If he frees Loki or kills him, the Tesseract's lost."

"Stark, we need a plan of attack!" Steve shouted.

"I have a plan. Attack."

He jumped out without any further explanation, and Steve and I only had to glance at each other before moving towards the parachutes to follow him. "I'd sit this one out, guys," Natasha warned from the front.

"I don't see how we can," Steve disagreed as we buckled our safety straps.

"These guys come from legends, they're basically gods!"

"There's only one god, ma'am," Steve said as he finished strapping himself in and easily fastened the strap I'd been struggling with. "And I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that."

We rand and leapt from the jet together, soaring down towards the sounds of fighting below us. Idiots. The closer we got, I noticed a flash of green to the left of the fighting and realized that Loki had been left alone.

_Idiots._

"Give me a boost, Cap!" I called, and Steve didn't hesitate to hold his shield out towards me. I twisted around to plant my feet on the shield before kicking off, sending Steve closer to Tony and Thor while I landed on the rocky ridge next to Loki.

Loki glanced over to me from where he was reclining against a jutted out rock, watching the fight with a troublesome smirk. I quickly stood and stretched my arms out before gesturing towards the three men below us. "Oh, don't mind me. Just came to enjoy the show, same as you."

"Somehow," he shook his head, irritating smirk still in place, "I doubt we hold the same intentions."

"Whatever you say, babycakes." I stepped forward and pulled him to his feet to march him down to where the others were, but was forced to the ground when Thor brought his hammer down on Steve's shield, causing an ear-splitting _bang_ echoed throughout the forest, and all the trees within at least a half-mile radius crashed to the ground.

Any normal person around probably would have gone deaf, or suffered at least a few broken bones, so I was extremely grateful that all I had to deal with was a snickering god of mischief as I grabbed at a crevice in the mountainside and struggled to pull myself up. "I _will_ kick you in the face again."

* * *

After managing to get everybody back to the helicarrier in one piece, I decided that I desperately needed a shower and excused myself from watching Fury taunt Loki to do just that in the little bedroom I'd been assigned.

I stepped inside of the running shower once I'd stripped myself of my uniform and laid it on the sink, resting my head against the tile wall. Thinking. Which was almost always a bad thing.

"_This is what happens when I'm not around to look after you, isn't it?"_

I chuckled as I remembered Howard's words from so long ago. We were back in the lab, listening to the deep, lovely voice of Sarah Vaughan. Flirting, like we always did.

"_Maybe you'll straighten yourself out." _I'd told him.

"_That'll be the day, Susie."_

When exactly had that day come? When had he decided to not only continue running Stark Industries, but also help Peggy found SHIELD? When had he decided to settle down, have a kid? Was it soon after I'd crashed, or had he waited years? Had he told her all about our relationship? Or worse, had he kept us a secret? And why did that seem like the worse option? Why- out of everything that had changed, out of everything and everyone I had lost- was Howard the only person I cared about?

I had lost more than Howard. I lost my entire way of life, my old career at Stark Industries and my budding career as a soldier. I had lost people. Erskine, Bucky, Peggy, the Commandos. Hell, I even missed Colonel Phillips. I was in a different lifetime filled with more changes than I could have fathomed. Everyday I saw inventions that I craved to learn every detail about, and inventions that I remember being simply ideas at the time.

Everything is so big and bright and wonderful and I should be in love with the opportunity I've been given but all I can think about- every moment of every day- is that _he isn't here to share it with me._

_"I can't lose you, okay? If you want me to talk about my stupid feelings, I will. I love you, Jo."_

Why did I go with Steve on that mission Why did I go? Why? Why? _Why?_

_"You can't take this guy on! It's not your job!"_

Why? I couldn't stop asking myself why. Over, and over, and over, and over.

_"I'm coming back to you, I promise."_

I had never broken a promise to Howard before. I broke my promise, and there was nothing I could do now to fix it. Because even though nobody had said it, and I had refused to find out for myself- I knew. He was gone. If Howard was here, he would have been in that room when I woke up. He would have been there. But he wasn't. He wasn't there, because he was _gone._

Deciding I was tired of thinking now, I finished my shower quickly and redressed in my uniform. I didn't even bother to dry my hair, simply tying the bandana around my head to keep the water out of my face before walking out of the small room to rejoin my colleagues at the bridge.

"An army?" I heard Steve first, entering the room from behind him and climbing the short staircase. "From outer space?"

"So he's building another portal?" Banner asked as he pulled his glasses off.

Plopping myself down in the seat next to Steve, I leaned forward on the table with my arms crossed. "Alien armies and portals? I take a two minute shower and end up in 'Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe'?"

Nobody except Steve caught my reference, and for once we were the ones getting confused looks while we chuckled. Noticing that nobody else was laughing, Steve cleared his throat and turned his attention back to the group. "I wanna know why Loki let us take him. He's not leading an army from here."

"I don't think we should be focusing on Loki," Banner said, frowning. "That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell the crazy on him."

"Have care how you speak," Thor advised as he stepped forward. "Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother."

"Prince Charming?" Thor turned to face me. "In the last two days, he's killed close to a hundred people."

He fidgeted for a moment before mumbling, "He's adopted."

"I think it's about the mechanics." We all returned our stares to Dr. Banner. "Iridium. What do they need the iridium for?"

"It's a stabilizing agent." Tony entered the room with Coulson at his side, and they had a quick, silent conversation that Coulson was clearly uncomfortable with, judging by how he quickly excused himself. Tony didn't seem at all perturbed, simply placing his hands in his pants pockets and circling the table as he continued his explanation. "It means the portal won't collapse on itself like it did at SHIELD." When he reached Thor he held a hand up, "No hard feelings, Point Break. You've got a mean swing," and slapped his shoulder with the same hand before continuing on to the podium overlooking the rest of the bridge. "Also, it means the portal can open as wide and stay open as long as Loki wants. Uh, raise the mizzenmast. Jib the topsails," he muttered, completely ignoring that nobody had any idea what he was talking about. "That man is playing Galaga! He thought we wouldn't notice, but we did."

Pressing a hand over his eye, Tony turned back and forth to look over the multiple computer screens in front of him. "How does Fury even see these?"

"He turns," some brunette agent deadpanned. She looked familiar, but I had never bothered to learn her name.

"Sounds exhausting," Tony said, making a face like turning to look from one screen to the other was the worst fate one could imagine. "The rest of the raw materials, Agent Barton can get his hands on pretty easily. The only major component he still needs is a power source of high-energy density. Something to..." he snapped and clapped his hands together, "…kick-start the cube."

The same brunette agent looked completely unimpressed with Tony. "When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?"

"Last night," he answered simply. "The packet, Sevlig's notes, the extraction theory papers. Am I the only one who did the reading?"

"No stealing my lines!" I complained when he said the same thing I'd said on the jet ride out of Germany.

He ignored me, instead turning to Steve when he asked, "Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?"

Since I actually _had_ done the reading- almost unnecessarily, considering I did have multiple degrees in both engineering, mechanics, chemistry and physics- I answered Steve. "Not _exactly,_ but to break through the Coulomb barrier he would have to heat the cube to an impossible degree without risking losing it in a volcano in the process."

"Unless," Tony countered, pointing his finger at me, "Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect."

"Well, if he could do that," Banner added, "he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet."

"Finally, people who speak English," Tony said, holding his arms out to gesture towards me and Banner.

Steve leaned in and whispered, "Is that what you just did?"

"I didn't go to college for nothing, baby doll," I winked back at him and he rolled his eyes before leaning back in his chair.

Tony was shaking Dr. Banner's hand when I looked back at where he was standing. "Your work on antielectron collisions is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster."

Bruce looked confused as he mumbled his thanks at the same time Fury made his way in to join us all around the table. "Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube. I was hoping you might join him."

"I would start with that stick of his," Steve suggested, and I nodded my agreement. "It may be magical, but it works an awful lot like a HYDRA weapon."

"I don't know about that, but it is powered by the cube," Fury said. "And I would like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his own personal flying monkeys."

"Monkeys?" Thor questioned. "I do not understand."

"I do!" Steve pointed his finger, looking around the room for assurance. "I-I understood that reference…"

I reached forward and placed my hand over his to lower it back to the table. "We know, kid. I'm very proud of you." He chuckled nervously and I saw Tony rolling his eyes at Steve's back before turning to Banner, asking if he wanted to go play.


	22. Manipulation and Realization

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Manipulation and Realization**

While Tony and Bruce were focused on finding the Tesseract, there wasn't anything specific assigned to the rest of us. I had briefly considered having that rematch with Steve, but for some reason all my thoughts were consumed by Loki. I had shrugged it off in front of the others, but his demeanor reminded me greatly of Schmidt- right down to using the Tesseract against humanity- and it terrified me.

Never having been one to simply lay around and consider my problems, I decided to instead confront it. If there was any sense left in the world, a quick verbal ass-kicking would set everything straight in my mind and I would be able to carry on with my life. So when I was sure nobody else would be around, I walked casually down the hallways I knew would lead to the holding cell and waltzed straight in like I owned the place.

Loki looked up from his feet when I walked in, and I was not surprised to see that his smirk was still in place. "You are not the one I thought they would send to interrogate me," he confessed, hands locked behind his back. When I didn't respond, instead stepping closer to the cell and engaging him in yet another staring contest, Loki nodded. "But they didn't send you. Did they?"

"Nobody sends me anywhere," I said with more confidence than I felt. Schmidt was a scary guy, but Loki was much more… unnerving.

"You don't truly believe that?" Loki asked, eyebrows furrowed. His voice sounded scolding, as if he had caught a small child in an obvious lie. "Surely you know that SHIELD has done nothing but manipulate you."

I wouldn't admit it to him- he didn't need an ego boost- but he had taken the words straight out of my mouth. Ever since I had woken up, I had been on Fury's schedule, doing his bidding at every turn. Sure I had my small victories in annoying various agents, but I hadn't actually defied anybody like I normally would have.

Loki shook his head with a mocking smile. "Not feeling yourself lately, Joanne?"

"You know me?" I asked, folding my arms over my stomach. "How very sweet of you to learn my name. Is it just me, or do you know everybody on board?"

"Agent Barton told me a great deal about you, Joanne." I tilted my head to the side a bit, hiding my cringe at the way he lulled my name. "You have gone through quite the ordeal, haven't you?" He shook his head again and stepped closer to the thick glass door that separated us, looking down at me. "You and the other man. Captain Steve Rogers."

The way he said Steve's name was the exact opposite of how his tone usually sounded. Normally he sounded quiet, yet commanding. Steve's name, however, sounded almost like an insult in and of itself. "I've been through worse," I shrugged.

Loki clicked his tongue, and stepped forward again. I had the overwhelming urge to step back, but I refused to let him win. "Lies don't suit you, Joanne."

"Jo," I finally corrected. "Please. Seeing as we're such great friends, you should call me Jo."

"Joanne," Loki repeated, his smile reverting back to its regular smirk. "Why is it that you've come?" Why had I come? I couldn't honestly remember. "Have you come in an attempt to determine my plans?" he suggested, but I could tell by his teasing tone that he didn't think it possible.

"I don't need to know your plans," I shook my head and held my hands up in front of me, palms outward. "See, whatever your plans are, this is what's going to happen: You're going to lose."

"Is that so?"

"It is," I replied immediately, forcing confidence into my posture and words. "You aren't the first person to think you're better than everybody else, to think that you can rule everybody else. You certainly won't be the last. The one thing that all men like you have in common is your inevitable defeat."

Loki narrowed his eyes. "Men like me? I thought we had covered this already, Joanne."

"_My name is Jo!_" I snapped, hands clenching into fists for a brief moment before I forced them open. He couldn't see me lose my temper. He would see it as a victory, and I wouldn't let it happen.

It had happened, though. I knew he was enjoying every second of this, and that was enough for me to realize that it was time to go. I dropped my hands to my side and turned to leave, not bothering to make up a witty goodbye.

He wasn't just going to let me leave though. Of course not. "Agent Barton told me about other things. He told me everything. Would you like to know about her?"

Damn my morbid curiosity. "Who?" I asked over my shoulder and stopped walking.

"Maria Stark. The woman who stole the affections of your beloved Huxley."

"_Don't_," I hissed, whirling to glare furiously at the prisoner. "Don't you _dare_ call him that."

"Sore spot?" Loki asked.

Don't let him get to you, don't let him get to you, don't let him get to you.

"She was practically your opposite," he continued. "In almost every way. She never misbehaved, or spoke out of turn. She certainly wasn't as intelligent as you. Even her looks were your opposite- darker, and more pronounced features. I've heard she looks very similar to her son."

Leave. Now. Turn around, walk away. Leave, leave, leave.

"It's strange, isn't it?"

Get out. Why am I not leaving?

"Strange that after you were gone, Huxley chose to have a family with people who were nothing like you."

"Stop calling him that," I tried to command, but it came out as a whisper instead- which Loki completely ignored.

"It's almost as if he wanted nothing to do with you. It's almost as if once you were gone, he was finally able to be happy."

He's lying. He's a liar. He's the god of mischief, it's just a trick. Lies, lies, lies.

"So tell me, _Susie_."

Don't react, don't react.

"Why was he happier without you?"

He wasn't. He wasn't. He loved me, he told me he loved me. I loved him, he loved me.

"_I love you, Jo. You're my best friend."_

I was his best friend. Wasn't I? Why did that hurt so much?

Loki's words echoed in my head as I hurried out of the room, rushing through the hallways and pushing past confused agents. I hadn't felt this panicked since I had first woken up, and I didn't know how to stop the increasing pressure in my chest.

I couldn't breathe. Everything hurt. It felt like I had never taken the serum, and the radiation in my veins would burn through my cells any second now. The only thing I could feel was fire spreading over my skin. I didn't see the worried looks people gave me, I didn't hear them calling my name. I didn't feel Steve grab my arms and drag me out of the public eye, into his bedroom.

"Jo?" he asked, his hands on my shoulders. "C'mon, talk to me. I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened."

I wanted to answer, I really did. I wanted to tell him everything I was feeling. I wanted him to tell me what was wrong so he could fix it. Fix me. But I couldn't even open my mouth.

Steve wiped under my eyes, and this is when I realized that I was crying. "Okay," he whispered. "It's just one of those days." He pulled me towards his bed and sat me down. I didn't say anything until he tried to make me lay down.

"I was his best friend." This must have made perfect sense to Steve, because he immediately stopped pushing against my shoulders. "He loved me."

"Jo-"

"I was his best friend," I continued, ignoring his attempts to soothe me. "He told me that I was his best friend, and it _hurt_." Steve sighed and sat next to me. "Why does it hurt?"

"I think you're the only person who never saw it," he answered somewhat cryptically. I didn't say anything back, too consumed with my thoughts. When he saw that I wasn't going to answer, he elaborated. "It hurts because he wasn't your best friend."

"That doesn't make sense," I said, shaking my head. "Of course he was my best friend. Ever since our parents… We were all we had. He was my best friend."

"No he wasn't," Steve insisted, and I narrowed my blurry eyes at him.

"Yes, he was. I was his best friend, and he was mine."

"I can't help you if you're not going to listen to me."

"Who said I _need _your help?" I shouted, standing from the bed. "I don't need you. I don't need _you._ I don't _need you_," I repeated.

"What _do_ you need?" Steve asked, standing alongside me now.

"I need to not think," I stressed, shaking my hands out in front of me to shake the tingling feeling from my fingers. "I can't think. I don't want to think!"

"_I don't want to think anymore."_

"Stop it," I growled to myself, wringing my hands harshly. I was sick and tired of these flashbacks popping up at the most inconvenient times. "Get out of my head!"

Steve placed a hand on my elbow, concern flooding his face. "Jo? What are you talking about?"

"_Distract me, Huxley."_

That's it. That's what I needed- a distraction. To clear my head.

I grabbed Steve's wrist and pulled him down to stare at his clear blue eyes. "Distract me."

Before he could ask what I meant or protest in any way, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed his lips against his forcefully. There wasn't any caring or compassion in the kiss, but I didn't care. I didn't need feelings. I didn't need attachment. All I needed was to stop these incessant memories from taking over.

Steve pulled away, but I wasn't anywhere near done. "Jo."

"_Jo."_

"_Distract me, Huxley."_

"Distract me." I kissed along his jawline, tangling my fingers tightly in his hair.

"Jo," he repeated, wrapping his hands around my biceps.

"Please," I begged against his neck, my eyes squeezed shut. "Please don't make me stop."

He gently, but firmly so I couldn't resist, untangled my arms from his neck, holding my wrists in his hands. I dropped my forehead against his shoulder, struggling to keep some small hold on my thoughts. Realizing I wasn't fighting anymore, Steve moved me back to my spot on the bed.

I didn't try to stop him from laying me back against this pillow this time. I didn't try to stop him when he pulled the blankets up to my chin, or when he laid next to me and held my hand securely in his. We stayed like that for a while, silence settling over the room.

_Why?_ With nothing left to distract my thoughts, I couldn't help but wonder why I was hurting. In all honesty, it wasn't that I didn't know the truth. It was that it was too late for the truth to be acted upon, and admitting it even to myself, inside my head, was pointless. It would only hurt more.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Steve staring intently at me, sadness clear in his eyes. "I was his best friend," I breathed, barely loud enough to even hear myself. "But he wasn't mine." Steve shook his head, and I continued. "He wasn't my best friend. He was… so much more."

"I know," Steve mumbled. It didn't surprise me. He was right- everyone knew. Steve knew, Peggy knew, Howard probably even knew.

"I loved him," I finally admitted, the ache in my chest twisting painfully.

"I know."

"I love him."

"I know."

"It's not fair."

"I know."

I couldn't hold back the building sobs any longer. My whole body shook with grief, and I automatically reached out to hold Steve tighter. I needed something to hold on to- an anchor to prove that I wasn't drowning. He didn't push me away, which I could not have been more grateful for.

Clinging to the only person I had left in this world that didn't make me feel like I would lose my slipping sanity at any given moment, I buried my head in his chest and his arms wrapped around my waist. The wall I had built to bar myself from remembering anything unwanted had crumbled to dust, and everything I had fought to keep away from the front of my mind came flooding forward.

This time, however, each little interaction seemed to hold a completely new meaning.

"_This is what happens when I'm not around to look after you, isn't it?"_

"_Don't pretend you're okay. Don't pretend that any of this is okay."_

"_I am going to protect you, Susie."_

"_I need you. Here. Alive."_

"_No crying, baby girl."_

"_I love you much-"_

It was going to be a long night.


	23. Tantrum

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Tantrum**

When I woke up I was practically drenched in sweat, which was extremely uncomfortable- especially after spending seventy years on ice. I quickly disentangled myself from the sheets I must have pulled over myself in my sleep, shoving them down towards my feet and sitting up, breathing deeply in an attempt to cool myself down.

The events of last night's breakdown flitted through my head, and I hid my face in my hands. How could I have been so stupid, running to Steve like that? It was flat out embarrassing.

"Hey." Speak of the devil.

"Hey," I mumbled back to Steve through the spaces between my fingers before dropping my hands. "Look, I'm really sorry about last night. It was just…"

"One of those nights," he finished for me with a little smile. He was still curled up in the bed with one arm tucked underneath his pillow. It was actually really cute, the way he slept. "I understand. Don't worry about it."

If Steve wasn't going to make me talk about, I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to press the issue. "Thanks," I sighed, running a hair through my hair. It was quiet for a moment, and I knew that on some level, even if he wouldn't admit it since he was such a damn gentleman, Steve was miffed by what I had tried last night. Keeping that in mind, I pushed myself out of his bed and made for the door.

"Jo?"

"Hmm?" I asked over my shoulder with one hand on the doorknob.

He looked slightly nervous, and I immediately started to worry. This was it. I had finally, royally fucked up to the point where even Steve freakin' Rogers- Lord of Chivalry- wasn't going to forgive me. My last real friend in the world was finished dealing with my waning sanity, and I instinctively knew that I would snap. I would absolutely lose it if Steve left me.

Steve smiled at me, and I stiffened. "Meet me on the bridge when you're dressed. I'm going to check on Stark and Banner, and figured having you around for back-up couldn't hurt. Stark grates on my nerves."

That was… not what I had expected, to say the very least. Laughing with relief, I nodded as I opened Steve's door. "Sure thing, kid."

* * *

I had dressed quickly in a borrowed SHIELD tee along with a pair of jeans and boots after I had showered, and walked out to the bridge to see that Steve had opted for his Captain America get-up. "Way to make a girl feel underdressed," I joked as I walked up behind him, last night neatly crammed into the dark and twisty parts of my head.

Steve simply grinned at my joke before pointing his thumb towards the lab, and I followed after him. On our way into the lab we looked through the window, only to see Tony poke Bruce with something that made him jump and let out a little yell.

Howard may have been a bit eccentric, but Tony was something else entirely. Steve quickened his pace and I hurried up to match it, knowing that any confrontation between the two would not end well. "Are you nuts?" Steve demanded as soon as we were in the room.

"Jury's out," Tony answered keeping his eyes on Bruce, who was still actually working. "You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret? Mellow jazz, bongo drums, huge bag of weed?"

I tried not to laugh, and to my credit I only let out a little chuckle. It was enough to be noticed by both Steve and Tony, though, who looked at me with two very different expressions. I shrugged, and Steve sighed before turning back to Tony. "Is everything a joke to you?"

"Funny things are."

"Threatening the safety of everyone on this ship isn't funny."

Tony pointed the stick he had prodded Bruce with in my direction. "She thought it was."

I ignored his quip, instead focused on the little eyebrow twitch from Banner, and nudged my elbow against Steve's side. He glanced down at me, and I nodded my head towards the doctor. Steve still didn't seem to understand, so I rolled my eyes and apologized for him. "Steve didn't mean any offense by that, Dr. Banner."

"No, it's alright." Bruce glanced up from his laptop and offered me a small smile before returning to his work. "I wouldn't have come aboard if I couldn't handle pointy things."

Tony, shaking his head, back-tracked from his spot next to Bruce and around the table. "You're tip-toeing, big man. You need to strut." He gave a little demonstration, holding his hands out in the same fashion a model would. Everything about Tony confused the hell out of me.

On one hand, it was struggle to keep myself from joining in with his sarcastic remarks. On the other, he was playing with fire that I wasn't one-hundred percent certain he understood the consequences of. I had dealt with people like him in the past- one man in particular came to mind- hell, I was probably more like him than I would like to admit. But he was also just so damn _annoying _at times.

"You need to focus on the problem, Stark." Steve pulled everyone's attention back to him.

"You think I'm not?" Tony snatched a silver bag off a nearby cart and ripped it open, pouring blueberries into his palm. "Why did Fury call us in? Why now? Why not before? What isn't he telling us? I can't do the equation unless I have all the variables."

"You think Fury's hiding something?" It was clear, at least to me, by the tone of Steve's voice that he had been thinking the same thing himself. Steve had never been one to question his superiors though, unless lives were in danger. Which they very well may be, considering we were dealing with a sadistic son of a bitch like Loki.

Tony scoffed, tossing the blueberries into his mouth and swallowing. "He's a spy. Captain, he's _the_ spy. His secrets have secrets. It's bugging him too," he pointed at Bruce, "isn't it? Hell, ask your girlfriend. She didn't seem to trust the dear old director either."

Steve blushed when Tony called me his girlfriend, and I figured he was remembering the events of last night. That was going to come back to haunt me forever, wasn't it? Luckily, Bruce spoke up before either of us had to comment.

"Uh, I just want to finish my work here, and…"

"Doc," I cut him off. When he looked up, I shrugged. He might as well tell us what he really thought about the situation. The worst we could do was disagree.

Bruce sighed, pulling off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "A warm light for all mankind. Loki's jab at Fury about the Cube." I stiffened at the mention of the god. I hadn't forgotten my transaction with him from the night before, and just thinking about dealing with him again set me on edge.

"I heard it," Steve nodded, and Bruce continued.

"I think that was meant for you." He pointed at Tony, who pursed his lips before holding out his snack package. Bruce grabbed a handful of berries and ate them before finishing his thought. "Even if Barton didn't tell Loki about the Tower, it was still all over the news."

"The Stark Tower?" Steve raised his eyebrows. "That big, ugly…" Tony gave him a glare that practically begged him to finish that statement. Which he did, of course. Steve's a nice guy, but also stubborn. "…building in New York?"

"It's powered by an arc reactor," Bruce explained, fiddling with his glasses. "A self-sustaining energy source. That building will run itself for, what, a year?" Technology had certainly improved an amazing deal over the last 70-odd years. After this whole 'imminent alien invasion' nonsense was figured out, I was definitely going to have a field day learning about everything I could get my hands on.

Tony shrugged as if he wasn't sure, but the smug look on his face suggested otherwise. "It's just the prototype. I'm kind of the only name in clean energy right now. That's what he's getting at."

"So," Bruce drawled. "Why didn't SHIELD bring him in on the Tesseract project? I mean, what are they doing in the energy business in the first place?"

"I should probably look into that once my decryption program finished breaking into all of SHIELD's secure files." Tony moved from the left side of the table to the right, never taking his eyes off the rectangular piece of glass in his hands. It was about the same size of one of these cell phones I had yet to use, but it looked a lot more like a computer. I mentally added it to the list of things I was going to tinker with before realizing what he had just said.

"Wait, wait, wait," I jumped in, speaking up for pretty much the first time since I'd walked into the room. Up until now I'd been content to watch the boys bicker, but this was something interesting. "You're hacking SHIELD, with a pre-determined program?" I had only ever seen decryptions done manually, and it was kind of difficult to hide my excitement at yet another new source of information.

"Jarvis has been running it since I hit the bridge." Tony slipped the glass-phone-computer-thing into his back pocket. "In a few hours, I'll know every dirty secret SHIELD has tried to hide. You look excited," he commented, narrowing his eyes a fraction as he rolled a blueberry between his fingers. "Are you sure you're really a time traveler? You seem far too normal."

"Normal by your standards," I scoffed. "No wonder everybody thinks I'm loony. What you deem normal must be completely outlandish to _actual_ normal people."

"Fair enough," Tony shrugged.

Steve was obviously tired of listening to me and Tony talk about this. "Jo, you actually agree with what he's doing?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and shrugged. "It makes sense, Steve. You know I don't trust Fury. He woke us up in a lie, what's to stop him from keeping up the game? Besides, I've never been one to simply sit around and wait for whoever's in charge to give me the go ahead to find out what I want to know. I'd be a pretty huge hypocrite if I blamed others for doing the same."

Steve looked utterly betrayed when I sided with Tony, but he should know after knowing me for so long that I wasn't going to sugarcoat my opinion for him. "I think Loki's trying to wind us up," he guessed after taking a breath. "This is a man who means to start a war and if we don't stay focused, he'll succeed. We have orders. We should follow them."

"Like Moxie said," Tony propped his elbow up on my shoulder, using me as an arm-rest of sorts while I wondered when he had given me the nickname, "following's not really my style."

"And you're all about style, aren't you?" Steve shook his head, eyes trained on Tony. I couldn't tell if he was just really pissed that Tony was using my words against him, or if he blamed me for not choosing his side in the argument, but either way he was actively avoiding looking at me. That was going to have to change, and soon. I'd had enough of a scare from Steve this morning. I didn't need to worry about maintaining his friendship anymore at the moment, especially not with so much at stake with the world.

Tony popped more of the berries in his mouth, and I vaguely pondered if the bag was somehow bottomless. "Of the people in this room, which one is, A, wearing a spangly outfit and, B, not of use?"

"Hey!" I pushed Tony's arm off my shoulder, and he raised a quizzical eyebrow at me. "I might agree with you on not trusting SHIELD, but you don't have to be an ass about it."

"Steve." We all turned to look at Bruce, who had been quietly watching the whole exchange, never moving from his spot behind the desk. Honestly I had half-forgotten he was even in the room. "Tell me none of this smells a little funky to you."

Steve looked at all three of us before walking out of the room. "Just find the Cube."

I watched him leave for only a second before hurrying after him, pushing past an agent who had walked in front of the door at the same time I exited the lab. Steve was standing with his back to me, and when I walked in front of him he stared at the floor. "Steve." He still didn't look up. "Fine," I sighed. "Be a baby about it."

I grabbed his arm and dragged him off to an abandoned corridor of the helicarrier, making sure nobody was around before speaking. "You want to tell me what your little tantrum's about?"

"Tantrum?" Steve pulled his arm away from me, and my stomach flipped at the loss of contact, though I showed no outwards signs that his refusal bothered me. "I'm not having a tantrum. What I want to know is why- after everything you and I have gone through together- you sided with Stark instead of me?" Before I could answer, he raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Wait. It's _because_ he's Stark, isn't it?"

"What?" I scoffed, staring up at Steve with nothing short of pure shock. Did he really think so little of me, after all this time? "You seriously think I agreed with Tony because of his _name_?"

"I think you agreed with him because he's Howard's kid," Steve nodded. "You agreed with him because Howard isn't around for you to agree with, so you're going with the next best thing."

_Ouch._ My jaw was hanging open at the accusation he'd just made, thoughts firing off at a million miles an hour- too quickly for me to even properly think them before they were gone. Once I was able to pull a coherent one out of the bunch, I unloaded on Steve.

"Are you so fucking ignorant that you haven't even realized, after knowing me for years, that you would actually think I would stoop so low as to replace Howard? With _anybody_?" Steve sighed and opened his mouth to interrupt, but I didn't give him the chance. "You know how I felt about Howard. You know better than anybody what he meant to me. So get your head out of your ass, Rogers, and stop being so god damn worried that I'm going to pick anybody else over you."

He looked surprised at the last bit. "What do you mean by that, exactly?"

"What do you mean, what do I mean?" I threw my hands into the air exaggeratedly. He clearly wasn't understanding what I was trying to say- which was actually pretty typical for me- so I took a moment to calm down, rubbing my hands over my face in frustration.

"Steve, look. You are the only person I know in this crazy messed up place, let alone trust. Tony made a good point in there, so I agreed with him. That wasn't me choosing him over you. That was me being logical. I don't trust Fury as far as I could throw him, and the same goes for SHIELD. It makes sense to want to know what they're keeping from us. But you know what else? The same goes for every damn person on this ship- Romanoff, Banner, even Stark. Except you. You've had my back through everything since I met you, which is more than I can say for the majority of people I've met in my life. Even when I really didn't deserve it. So just… stop worrying that you don't have somebody on your side. Because if it comes down to it, no matter who's right or wrong, no matter what I might believe, I will support you one-hundred percent. Okay?"

Steve seemed to be at a loss for words after my long-winded rant, and simply nodded. "Good," I nodded with him. "You know how much I hate being gooey like that, so don't ever make me tell you that again."

"Okay," Steve agreed easily enough. "Thanks, Jo."

"Nope." I shook my head, scratching the back of my head. "Moment's over. Time to move on." Steve chuckled, and I took this as the sign that all was good between us again. "So, tell me what you huffed out of the lab for."


	24. Hold Me Back

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Hold Me Back**

After our grossly emotional little spat was over with, Steve explained to me that he didn't trust SHIELD either. I had been tempted to ask him why he was so pissy at me for not trusting them if he didn't either, but figured that it wouldn't be worth another argument and let it slide. He led me through dozens of different hallways until we ended up on a part of the ship that I had never even seen before in front of a door labeled 'SECURE STORAGE 10-C'.

Steve and I only glanced at each other before I waved a hand towards the door as if to say 'go ahead', and he wrapped his around the handle. The sound of the metal straining against his strength was both irritating and impressive, and it didn't take long for him to pull it open completely. "Well done, kid." I tapped his shoulder, stepping in front of him and scanning the crates in the small room.

I was walking in when Steve grabbed my arm, but before I could ask him why he had stopped me he put a finger to his lips in the stereotypical 'shush' signal. It was then that I could hear other agents talking in the room and nodded my consent.

He moved in front of me, jumping up and grabbing onto the ledge of a grated platform above us to pull himself higher. Once he was on the landing, he held his hand out and pulled me up next to him. The fact that we were sneaking through a plane in search of something Tesseract related only furthered my distrust with SHIELD, reminding me far too much of my time spent in WWII. Ever since I had woken up, it had been coincidence after coincidence with these people, and I wasn't sure that was going to change anytime soon.

We walked through seemingly countless rows of steel boxes and crates. Some were left propped open, no secrets to hide. Some were closed but left unlocked. These usually held guns or ammunitions.

At the very back of the room, the part that was barely lit, we came across a small collection that were bolted shut. These were obviously the ones to catch our attention, and we each picked a crate and busted them open. What was inside sealed SHIELD's fate in my mind.

Guns. Gas Masks. Grenades. All stamped with the unforgettable insignia that haunted my memories-turned-nightmares.

HYDRA.

My fists trembled with rage. For a company created by Howard and Peggy- two people that I trusted with my life- SHIELD was incredibly corrupt. It was no secret that I didn't trust Fury, but _this_? This was a power he couldn't possibly hope to contain. I may have not liked the man, but I hadn't taken him for a complete fool. Seems my idiot radar had malfunctioned.

Steve moved before I did, snatching one of the larger weapons out of a box and marching back the way we had come, all stealth forgotten. I followed in his footsteps, grabbing one of the inventory ledgers stamped with the HYDRA symbol and storming after my friend. He really was the only person in this century worth trusting.

We received plenty of odd looks, stomping through the halls with HYDRA weaponry and wearing matching expressions of livid disapproval. I was accustomed to ignoring unwanted attention, however, and kept my eyes trained strictly in front of me.

We walked back into the lab just in time to hear Tony asking Fury what Phase Two was exactly, and Steve dropped the gun down onto a nearby cart, crossing his arms over his chest. I was nowhere near as docile.

I walked straight up to the director himself and slammed the ledger against his chest, HYDRA symbol plain as day in the corner. He glared down at me, but I didn't care. If he thought he could intimidate me in that moment, he was even more impossibly stupid than I could have imagined. "Phase Two is SHIELD recreating HYDRA weapons for their own personal arsenal." I glanced at Tony, releasing the paper when Fury took it out of my hands. "Computers were a bit slow for me and Steve."

Fury crumpled the paper in his hand and dropped it on Bruce's desk, who picked it up and unwrinkled it to look it over. "Moore, we gathered everything related to the Tesseract. This does not mean that we-"

"I'm sorry, Nick!" Tony shouted over the man, turning his computer screen around so everyone in the room could see it. "What were you lying?"

Steve shook his head, not needing to look at the weapons diagram. We had seen it in person. "I was wrong, Director. The world hasn't changed a bit."

Thor and Natasha walked into the room, and Bruce waved the ledger in the assassin's direction. "Did you know about this?"

"Do you want to think about removing yourself from this environment, Doctor?"

"I was in Calcutta," Bruce chuckled without humor. "I was pretty well removed."

Natasha stepped closer, although she made sure to keep a careful distance away from Bruce. For some reason, this made me even angrier. "Loki is manipulating you."

"And you've been doing what, exactly?"

"You didn't come here because I bat my eyelashes at you."

Bruce had made his way from the back of his desk to the front, standing in front of the scepter he'd been studying. "Yes, and I'm not leaving because suddenly you get a little _twitchy_." He pulled the screen displaying the weapon schematics closer, pointing the glasses he held in his hand towards it. "I'd like to know why SHIELD is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction."

"Isn't that the million dollar question?" I added, placing my hands firmly on my hips as I stared down Fury.

He only met my gaze for a second before turning to point at Thor, who had moved to stand on the opposite side of the room. "Because of him."

Thor looked totally floored at the suggestion. "Me?"

Everyone turned their attention to Fury so he could explain himself. "Last year, Earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town. We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, _hilariously _outgunned."

"My people want nothing but peace with your planet," Thor insisted.

"But you're not the only people out there, are you?" Fury countered. "And you're not the only threat. The world's filling up with people who can't be matched. That can't be controlled."

"Like you controlled the Cube?" Steve asked, and I found that his voice was the only one that didn't make me want to pound him into a wall.

Thor dropped his arms by his side, glaring at Fury. Glad to know the feeling's mutual. "Your work with the Tesseract is what drew Loki to it, _and _his allies. It is a signal to all the realms that the Earth is ready for a higher form of war."

"A higher form?" Steve and I looked at each other, both wondering what exactly a 'higher form' meant. We'd read about the atom bombs, the hydrogen bombs. What could be much worse than those? I, for one, did _not _want to find out.

"You forced our hand," Fury continued to defend his actions. "We had to come up with something."

"A nuclear deterrent?" Tony spoke up for the first time, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Because that always calms everything right down."

"Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark?"

"I'm sure if he still made weapons, Stark would be neck-deep-"

Tony cut Steve off, waving his hands in front of him. "Wait, wait, hold on. How is this now about me?"

"I'm sorry, isn't everything?" Harsh, but not untrue.

"I thought humans were more evolved than this," Thor said from behind Fury, who turned to stare at him incredulously.

"Excuse me, did we come to _your_ planet and blow shit up?"

"You treat your champions with such mistrust!"

"Are you all really that naïve?" Natasha asked. "SHIELD monitors potential threats!"

"She's on that list?" Tony scoffed, pointing at me. "How is she a threat? She's about as threatening as a roaring kitten."

"You willing to test that theory, Stark?" I growled, dropping my hands from my hip and stepping towards Tony at the same time Steve did.

"We're _all_ on threat watch," Natasha clarified.

"You speak of control yet you court chaos!"

"That's his M.O isn't it?" We all looked at Bruce. "I mean, what are we, a team? No, we're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're a time bomb."

"You need to step away," Fury commanded.

"Why shouldn't the guy let off a little steam?" I swear to God- one more word out of Tony and I was going to show him _exactly_ why SHIELD considered me a threat.

"You know damn well why!" I scoffed, pushing him away from me when he stepped too close. He rose his eyebrows as if he couldn't believe I had touched him, but I was way past caring. I had never felt so angry- so absolutely enraged- in all my life. "Don't touch me, Stark."

"You gonna stop me?" he asked, smirking. It was becoming harder and harder to resist the temptation to smack that look of arrogance off his face.

Steve chose this moment to step in between the two of us, attention focused on Tony. "Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?"

"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist." Had he rehearsed that line? How pathetic.

"I know guys with none of that worth ten of you." I could name eight off the top of my head. "I've seen the footage," Steve continued. "The only thing you fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play- to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you." The memory of pre-serum Steve jumping on top of the dummy grenade back at boot camp suddenly sprung to mind.

"I think I would just cut the wire."

That's it. "You're a real son of a bitch, you know that Stark?" I asked, pushing Steve away so that he wasn't blocking my vision anymore.

He held his hands up in front of himself defensively. "Hey, no need to insult my mother just because my dad chose her over you."

The room was completely silent for all of two seconds before I swear I actually felt the _snap_ of my resolve. Before I even registered what was happening, I had launched myself at Tony and was being held back by Steve. "I will _end _you!" I screamed, Steve's grip tightening around my waist. I could dimly hear Fury and Romanoff in the background telling me to calm down, but I was too infuriated to register their commands. "Do you hear me, Stark? Put on the suit, I _dare _you! Put on the suit, you ignorant motherfucker!"

"At least I'm not a daddyfucker."

"Steve if you don't let go of me in the next two seconds, I will _break your fucking arms._"

Steve was mumbling something about calming down. Thor was laughing, saying something about petty and tiny. Fury told Romanoff something about escorting Dr. Banner elsewhere.

I didn't stop glaring at Tony until Bruce mentioned his room being rented out. "The cell was just-"

"In case you needed to kill me. But you can't. I know, I tried."

There was another moment of silence, and I took a moment to forcefully slow my breathing and tear my gaze away from the man I was sure I would never forgive to look at Bruce. Steve lessened his hold on me, but didn't let go completely, probably expecting me to freak out again at any moment.

When Bruce realized we were all waiting for him to elaborate, he sighed and continued his story. "I got low. I didn't see an end. So, I put a bullet in my mouth and the Other Guy spit it out. So I moved on. I focused on helping other people. I was _good_. Until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk. You want to know my secret, Agent Romanoff? You want to know how I stay calm?"

"Dr. Banner." I felt the rumble of Steve's voice in his chest against my back, and it was surprisingly calming. "Put down the scepter."

My eyes shifted down from Bruce's face to his hands, and sure enough, Loki's scepter was firmly in his grip. He looked just as surprised as I felt that it was there, and he dropped it back onto the desk at the same time the computers in the room started chirping and buzzing.

"Sorry, kids." Bruce walked over to the abandoned computer screen. "You don't get to see my party trick after all."

"You located the Tesseract?" Thor asked, joining him at the monitor.

"I could get there fastest," Tony claimed.

"The Tesseract belongs on Asgard."

Tony tried to leave the room, and I took advantage of Steve's loosened grip to push his arms away from me and step forward to stop Tony from leaving the room by grabbing his elbow. "No way in hell I trust you to get that thing alone."

He pushed my hand away from him, narrowing his eyes murderously at me. "You gonna stop me?"

"Please," I practically begged, chuckling. "_Please_ give me an excuse to kick the crap out of you."

"You seriously want to see who would win in a fight between the two of us?"

"Oh, I _know_ who would win in a fight between the two of _us_. What I want to see is what happens when you feel the need to run to your machines for protection."

"Are you insulting my technology?"

"Oh, never," I shook my head. "Especially considering most of it was originally my technology from back in the thirties. All you did was tweak it."

All further arguments were interrupted by an explosion ripping through the lab, sending us all flying in different directions.


	25. Another Failure

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Another Failure**

I don't know where everybody else ended up, but I landed in between Steve and Tony right next to the exit of the lab. My back was killing me, but I knew that if it was serious I would be in far worse pain than I was and forced myself to sit up. I turned to Tony, who looked completely shell-shocked. "Put on the suit."

"Yep."

The three of us stood and clamored out of the room, rushing for the source of the explosion. I honestly had no idea where we were going, but considering Tony was talking to seemingly nobody, I assumed he was using some sort of communication device to talk to somebody who knew what was happening and was not actually insane.

"Talk to us, Stark." Steve had the sense to actually ask what was happening instead of blindly following like I was. Weird. The situation was normally reversed.

"It was an outside explosion," Tony explained, turning to go down a hallway to his right but pointing us to his left. "That way- engine three. I'll meet you two there."

Steve and I went left, leaving Tony to presumably get his suit. Most of my anger from in the lab had inexplicably vanished, but I still had enough left to feel hopeful that I was going to have somebody's ass to kick, since I wasn't allowed to kick Tony's.

We made it all the way to engine three with no trouble, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. The enemies were somewhere on the ship, and if not here then they would be fighting the SHIELD agents. I could only hope that they were capable. Steve pushed the door open that led to the engine room, but we were instead greeted by a bright blue sky. "Stark!" Steve yelled. No fair, he has a communicator too? Where was I when these were handed out? "Stark, we're here!"

Tony flew in from the right side of the helicarrier, suspending himself in front of what was left of the engine. "Let's see what we got." He pushed various dislodged components around, before pointing at Steve. "I need you to get to that engine control panel and tell me which relays are in overload position."

Steve looked down at me and I sighed at the obvious confusion on his face. "I'll explain it to you, kid. Let's just get up there." He nodded and clasped his hands together, which I stuck my foot in so he could launch me into the air. I grabbed a hanging ladder and pulled myself onto the landing to locate the control panel. "Right there," I pointed it out when Steve came up behind me.

He pulled the panel open and stared at all the different wires and switches. Tony must have asked him a question about the panel because he said, "It seems to run on some form of electricity."

I sighed and nudged Steve out of the way. "You're a genius, kid. But how about letting the amateur have a go, hmm?" I switched a few wires around, unplugging and plugging things back in, flipping switches and pushing buttons. It took all of thirty seconds to fix the machinery. "Done."

"The relays are intact," Steve told Tony. "What's our next move?" He listened for the answer- eyes widening when he heard it. "If that thing gets up to speed, you'll get shredded… Speak English!"

"God dammit, give me that!" I held my hand out to Steve, and he rolled his eyes before pulling the comm out of his ear and handing it over to me. "What's next?"

"I need you to get to the stator control unit and reverse the polarity long enough for me to disengage the maglav."

"Gotcha." I took a few steps back for a running start before jumping from the platform I was on to the next one higher up. "Tell me when."

"Can do."

While I was waiting for the go ahead, two agents who were very clearly not on our side came running out with their guns pointed at Steve and I. One unpinned a grenade and tossed it at the engine, but Steve jumped out and smacked it out of the way, causing it to explode harmlessly in mid-air. He took them out easily while I focused on the third that came running out to join the fight.

The agent walked out firing his machine gun, and I grabbed a large piece of scrap metal from the ground and whirled it at him. He managed to duck out of the way before it hit him, but it was enough of a distraction for me to grab the discarded gun of a man who had fallen off the side of the gap and start firing back at him.

The helicarrier started to tilt dangerously to the side, and I grabbed the railing of the platform to avoid falling off. "Sir, we've lost all power in engine one," a voice said over the comm.

"It's Barton." Well, good to know Fury survived the attack in the lab. "He took out our systems. He's headed for the detention level. Does anybody copy?"

"This is Agent Romanoff. I copy."

Once that matter was resolved, Fury moved straight on to the next one. "Stark, we're losing altitude."

"Yeah, I noticed."

I was still clinging to the metal bars to keep myself from tumbling over the edge, and luckily Steve stepped in to take out the third agent that was still firing at me. Way to kick a girl when she's down, asshole.

Said asshole continued to push Steve back until I saw him do the very thing I had been trying to avoid- he stepped over the edge. "Steve!" I screamed, leaning over to see if he was all right. I saw him hanging in the air, clutching onto a loose wire.

"_Hold on, Buck. Come on, baby doll. Take my hand."_

No. No, no, _no._ How is it possible that everything- _everything_ \- is happening all over again?

"Jo, hit the lever!"

"But Steve-"

"I'm okay!" Steve shouted. "I can get back up, focus on Stark!"

I watched Steve pull himself up the rope for another minute, trying to think of some way I could help him get back on solid ground.

"Lever! _Now_!"

More gunshots went off behind me, and I forced myself to look away from Steve so I could do what needed to be done. _Don't die, don't die, don't fucking die._ I snatched the machine gun from the ground and shot back at the last agent. When he fell, I dropped the fun and grabbed the red lever, pushng it down to let Tony out of the engine.

As soon as I saw Tony drop out of the engine, I hurried back over to see that Steve had climbed his way up to the edge of the platform. I latched onto his shoulders and pulled as hard as I could, lifting him over the side and back onto the structure. We both collapsed onto our backs, panting. "Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again," I warned him. "Or I swear to God I will kill you myself, Rogers."

Steve chuckled under his breath, nodding. "Yes, ma'am."

"Agent Coulson is down." I sat up from my spot on the ground, pressing my hand against the comm. Did I just hear that correctly? "The med team is here. They called it."

Steve sat up next to me, watching me curiously. "What is it?"

I laced my fingers together and pressed them against my mouth, thinking. I hadn't known much about the man, other than the fact that he was adorably obsessed with the personas Steve and I had lived during WWII and a damn good agent. Nothing about him had seemed untrustworthy to me, despite the people he worked for. He certainly didn't deserve to die.

"Jo?"

I turned to face Steve, lowering my hands to my chin. "Coulson's dead." I watched as his shock slowly morphed into sadness before standing up and shaking my head with the all too familiar anger working its way back into my system. "He's dead, and we didn't save him. We _couldn't_ save him," I scoffed, looking down at Steve. "We can't save anybody, can we?"

"That's not true." Steve stood and placed a hand on my shoulder, determination etched on his features. "We've saved a lot of people, Jo. I know that it's easier to see our failures, but the successes do exist."

"Yeah, well." I shrugged and his hand fell off my shoulder. "It'd sure be nice if I could see the world as bright and shiny as you do, kid."

I was not in the mood for a lecture, so I walked away from Steve before he could say anything back and back inside of the helicarrier, headed for the bridge.


	26. Newfound Determination

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Newfound Determination**

I was so completely devoid of any energy that I didn't even care that Tony was the only person in the bridge when I walked in. I just chose a random seat at the glass table and sat, resting my aching head in my hands. Everything around me was crumbling. This was nothing new for me- seemingly everything I touched died. That didn't make it any less… infuriating. Disheartening. Ruining.

"My dad talked about you a lot."

I moved just enough to see Tony at the edge of my vision, but his stony expression didn't reveal that he had said anything at all. I was almost sure I had imagined it- God knows my sanity was already teetering on the edge- but then he continued. "He talked about Steve too, but when it came to you? He didn't know when to shut up. Even with me and my mom around, finding you was always the most important thing to him. When I was little, I didn't understand it. What was so special about you? You were his friend, but he had plenty of those. I didn't finally get it until I was old enough to go through all the old documents. The news clippings, the official files."

He moved for the first time, to move his gaze from the window to meet mine. "For a long time I thought my dad was incapable of love. It wasn't until I read about his past that I understood he was. He just didn't know how to love anything more than you."

I never knew why Tony told me this. We never talked about it again. But whatever compelled him to bring it up was possibly the one last sliver of happiness, of relief, left in my life. "I'm sorry he wasn't the dad you deserved."

Tony nodded, turning back to the window. We didn't say anything after that, sitting in silence until we were joined by Steve- who had changed out of his uniform- and Fury.

Steve sat on my left, while Fury moved to stand on the opposite side of the table from the three of us. "These were in Phil Coulson's jacket. I guess he never did get you to sign them."

Fury tossed a handful of trading cards onto the table, and I noticed that a few of them were spattered with blood. The stuff had never bothered me before- I was a doctor during a war, I was pretty much forced to build a tolerance against it. But seeing it stamped on the cards that were pictures of me and Steve, smiling back during simpler times, was one of the most sickening sights I had ever laid my eyes on.

"We're dead in the air up here," Fury continued as Steve picked up one of the cards, flipping it over in his hands to reveal himself in his 'Man With A Plan' stage outfit. "Our communications, the location of the Cube, Banner, Thor. I got nothing for you. I lost my one good eye… Maybe I had that coming."

I looked up from the cards to make eye contact with the director, and he slowly made his way around the table. "Yes, we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number, though, because I was playing something even riskier. There was an idea- Stark knows this- called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea. In heroes."

Tony abruptly pushed away from the table and out of his chair, storming out of the room. I understood how he felt. How could Fury even think to consider us heroes after everything we had done? Or better yet, after everything we had failed to do?

"Well," Fury sighed. "It's an old-fashioned notion."

When he was done talking, Fury stepped down from the upper level to talk with the agents who were left, all crowded around their computers and muttering strategies. I copied Steve's earlier action by picking up my own trading card, staring curiously at the woman looking back at me. She looked strong and confident, smirking unapologetically with her fists firm against her hips. "Who is this woman?" I asked quietly, waving the card slightly in front of me.

Steve chuckled, setting down his own card to join me looking at mine. "She was a force to reckon with back when I first met her. Dr. Joanne Moore, co-founder of Stark Industries. She was beautiful, confident, funny. Amazingly intelligent. She was who every woman wanted to be, and who every man wanted to marry. Personally, I always thought that her best trait was her ability to turn every situation into a joke, no matter how dire."

"She sounds terribly annoying," I grinned.

"Oh, she was." I smacked his arm, but he just chuckled again, subtly rubbing the spot I had hit. "No, she wasn't annoying. She was… just a little different, is all. In all the best ways."

I shook my head, returning the card to the pile. "You make her sound so great."

"She was. She is. You are," Steve clarified. "I don't know why it's so hard for you to see just how great you really are. Nobody judges you half as harshly as you judge yourself, Jo. We've all made mistakes. You can't keep blaming yourself for the ones you've made- especially the ones that weren't your fault."

I couldn't claim to completely agree, but I knew Steve had a point. While I still believed that nothing I involved myself so far had gone well, I knew that going in with a negative attitude couldn't possibly help the situation. I could never forget the past. I could never forget everything I had lost. But maybe I could try to find new things. I was in a new time, a new place, with new people.

"Maybe you're right." I sighed, standing from my seat with Steve following soon after. "I've made mistakes, there's no denying that. But there are more important things to worry about right now. Like finding Loki, and the Tesseract. I am sick and tired of that stupid little cube causing trouble for us, and I think it's about time we got rid of it for good. Wouldn't you agree?"

Steve nodded with a lop-sided grin. It was a smile I knew very well- one he wore when he thought he had just made a break-through. It still amazed me how positive he could be. "So, who's going to get Stark?"

"That one's on you." I held my hands up, stepping away from Steve and towards the med bay. "I may not completely hate Tony's guts, but he would probably rather talk to you than me. I'll grab Romanoff."

Using my disdain for Loki to fuel my newfound determination, I hurried off towards the room they were keeping Agent Barton in to recruit them for our little AWOL mission.

The door opened automatically when I walked in front of it, and I saw Natasha sitting on the otherwise empty bed. "Go time, Romanoff."

She stood from the bed, but kept her body facing towards the back of the room. "Where are we going?"

"That I do not know," I snapped my fingers and clicked my tongue. "But I do know who we're going after, and- surprise, surprise- it's guaranteed to be a party. Quick question: you wouldn't happen to know how to fly one of those nifty quinjets, would you?"

The door Natasha had been watching opened, and Barton walked out wiping his hands off on a towel. "I do."

Despite how I had been looking forward to meeting Barton prior to his being compromised, the fact remained that he _had_ been compromised. I glanced at Natasha, and when she nodded I had all the assurance I needed that he was fine. She didn't seem the type of person to sugarcoat things. "Snazzy. You two suit up and meet me at the airstrip in five minutes. I'll explain the plan on the way."

* * *

After changing into my own uniform- nearly tripping over myself as I tried to rush out of the room while shoving my feet into the knee-high red boots, mind you- I caught up to Steve, Natasha and Clint as they were marching through leading to the jets. The four of us boarded the one closest to the exit, and a man who had been kneeling while working on one of the many computers inside of it stood in a weak attempt to stop us. "Hey, you guys aren't authorized to be-"

"Son," Steve cut him off. "Just don't."

"Break time, doll." I grabbed the man by his shoulders and pushed him out of the jet before hitting the button to close its doors. Once they were securely shut, I moved to the front of the jet to stand next to Steve, watching Clint switch all the power on to get us moving.

"Did you have to push him?" Steve asked, giving me a very clear look of disapproval.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I brought my hand up to my chest. "Next time we're in a hurry to save the world, I'll be sure to politely ask all bystanders to simply take their time getting out of the way."

Steve shrugged one shoulder, nodding. "Right. I take that back."

"You're damn right you take it back, kid."

"If you two are finished," Clint cut in, slipping his headgear on. "It's time to get airborne."

The majority of the ride over was silent, all of us thinking over our own strategies. Natasha checked and re-checked her bracelets that she had claimed were her main weapons. Clint focused on actually getting us to Stark Tower, which is where Steve said Loki was carrying out his master plan. I don't know how he and Tony figured that out, but I wasn't going to question them.

I sat with my back against the wall, wrapping the bandana from my suit tightly around my fingers and tugging on the ends of it. I still wasn't very comfortable with flying, despite repeating over and over in my head that this was completely different. We weren't going to crash. The past is over and done with, focus on the now. Don't think about it.

By the time we arrived in New York, it was very clear that we were too late to stop the invasion. The streets were filled with overturned cars, people were screaming and scrambling for their lives. Not to mention the Chitauri weaving their way through the buildings. If we couldn't stop the invasion, then our next option was to end it. Simple enough, right?

Natasha produced four tiny comm devices and distributed them among everyone in the jet. Once we were all equipped, she spoke into her own. "Stark, we're on your three, headed northeast."

"What, did you stop for drive-thru? Swing up Park, I'm gonna lay 'em out for you."

Sure enough, when we turned left on Park we saw dozens of the aliens chasing after Tony. Clint followed after them while Natasha manned the guns. We banked a hard right, swinging higher up into the air and taking out the Chitauri.

On our left was Stark Tower, and from the windows on the jet Steve and I could see Loki battling Thor on the balcony of the top floor. "Nat?" Steve called up the front.

"I see him."

When we turned to face him, Loki slammed the scepter into the side of Thor's head, knocking him to the ground before turning on us. Before we had the chance to move, he fired eerie blue energy at us- _don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it- _clipping our left wing.

We were going down, and fast. _Don't think about it, don't think about it._ Clint lost complete control over the jet, but somehow managed to get us away from any populated buildings as we dropped closer and closer to the ground.

Steve was clinging to a strap on the ceiling, and I had one hand around his arm with the other pressed against the wall. When we crashed, I flew forward and slammed my right side into the back of the pilot's seat. Clint and Natasha were already up and out of their chairs, and Steve gripped my elbow to help me back onto my feet. "You good?"

"You know me, Steve." I spotted my discarded bandana while stretching my arms out and snatched it off the floor, re-tying it in my hair. "Takes a lot more than a silly plane crash to scare me out of a fight."

Steve nodded, smiling that triumphant little lopsided grin, and gave my shoulder a quick pat. "Good to have you back, Jo."

"Good to be back, kid."


	27. Another Battle Ended

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Another Battle Ended**

The last time I was standing right in front of Stark Tower, I had just woken up. I didn't know anything about Loki, aliens, other worlds. I was somewhat more innocent.

That was three days ago. Oh, how time flies when you're trying to save the world.

"We've got to get back up there," Steve yelled, pointing towards the roof of the Tower. Natasha, Clint and I all joined him in staring up at the sky, but we were all looking at something very different now.

With a deafening roar, a giant, metal snake-like alien came slithering out of the portal that had opened above the streets. The snake flew down the length of Stark Tower, lifting up into a horizontal position just in time to decapitate a nearby statue and soar only feet above the three of us standing there, dumbstruck. Chitauri came rappelling off the snake, smashing through windows into nearby buildings and terrorizing citizens.

"Stark, you seeing this?" Steve asked, turning in half-circles, taking in the destruction around us.

"Seeing. Still working on believing. Where's Banner? Has he shown up yet?"

"Banner?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. "I thought he-"

"Just keep me posted."

I shrugged to nobody in particular, deciding to just do what Tony said and keep him posted. "Crazier things have happened than lost comrades showing up out of nowhere, I suppose."

There was no more time to waste. The three of us picked our jaws up off the floor and started running- to where, I had no idea. While I was usually the first person to suggest a plan of action, I decided instead to rely on Steve this time. He was admittedly more versed in combat than I was, making this his area of expertise.

We all ducked behind a taxi cab, and I could tell that Romanoff and Barton had the same idea as me since they were joining me in staring at Steve expectantly. Before he had the chance to either give us a plan or ask why we were staring at him, a horde of Chitauri led by Loki flew over us, firing down at scrambling civilians.

"Loki," Steve breathed, watching the mayhem unfold. "They're fish in a barrel down there."

More aliens dropped seemingly out of nowhere, and Barton took three out in the blink of an eye with his bow and arrow. I still hadn't had the chance to ask him why that was his weapon of choice, but now was definitely not the time.

Natasha stood with her guns at the ready and nodded at Steve. "We can handle this. You two go."

"You think you can hold them off?" Steve asked, eyeing the aliens warily.

Barton notched another arrow with a grin. "Captain, it would be my genuine pleasure."

Two more aliens dropping dead was all the proof Steve needed. He tapped my shoulder before jumping off the bridge we were on and I followed after him, landing on top of a bus below before rolling off of that and onto the debris-filled street. Explosions and gunfire was bouncing all around us in random patterns, with innocent bystanders running every which way.

A group of cops was huddled around their cars, trying to keep the Chitauri at bay. I grabbed Steve by the arm to stop him from running, pulling him back behind a car with me. "I'll get the people to safety. You go to those cops and have them set up a perimeter. We need to focus on containment so these things don't run loose through the whole city."

"I thought strategizing was my job?" Steve chuckled, already running back towards the officers.

"I learned from the best!" I shouted after him, running in the opposite direction. Men, women and children were all in a panic, trying to get anywhere that wasn't alien infested. I jumped on top of a car to stand above them, yelling to get their attention.

"I need everybody to get off the streets!" They stopped running, staring up at me with mixed expressions of shock and fear. "I know you're scared, but panicking isn't going to help! Get inside the nearest building, and head downstairs. If there's a basement, go there. Stay inside, and stay low. Do _not_ come outside until you're told to by an official."

They didn't look any less terrified, but I hadn't expected them to. Now wasn't the time for comfort, it was the time for survival. I jumped off the car and helped escort people inside of buildings, showing them which ones were the safest and which ones to avoid. When an alien came too close, I shot it where their brains would be if they were human. I had absolutely no idea if they had our anatomy, but it killed them and that was enough for me.

I did this until the cops came in and took the job over for me. Steve came up behind me, placing his hand on my back and ushering me back up to where we'd left Natasha and Clint. "Time to go."

We hurried back to the bridge, with him pushing me up first as usual, following after once he was sure I was secure. I saw that Natasha had abandoned her pistols in favor of using one of the Chitauri's own weapons against them, and nodded with a small laugh. "Genius." She smirked at me, and I knew she thought so too.

Five Chitauri dropped at once when they were shot with simultaneous bolts of lightning. Thor landed in the middle of their corpses just after they fell, breathing heavily. When even a demi-god is out of breath, you know the battle is taking its toll.

"What's the story upstairs?" Steve asked, re-fastening his shield to his forearm.

"The power surrounding the Cube is impenetrable."

"Thor's right," Tony said over the intercom, still soaring above us to fend off the Chitauri in the sky. "We got to deal with these guys."

"That's great and all," I sighed. "But how exactly do we pull that off?"

"As a team." What a Steve-esque answer.

Thor shook his head, shifting his weight on his feet. "I have unfinished business with Loki."

"Yeah?" Clint scoffed, ripping arrows out of alien corpses and returning them to his quiver. "Get in line."

"Save it," Steve cut them off before they could start an argument. "Loki's going to keep this fight focused on us, and that's what we need. Without him, these things could run wild." Steve walked in front of us, pointing to the sky. "We got Stark up top. We-"

"Holy shit," I breathed, no longer looking at Steve but at the disheveled man riding in behind him on a motorcycle. "He actually came."

The four of us abandoned our spot on the bridge to meet up with Bruce while he climbed off his ride. "So, this all seems horrible."

"I've seen worse."

Bruce nodded at Natasha, looking apologetic for something that must have happened when I wasn't around. "Sorry."

"No, we could use a little worse." Natasha corrected herself with a small smile, and Bruce looked surprised at her comment.

Remembering my promise to Tony, I flicked the comm in my ear to make sure it was still working. "Tony? I don't know how you knew it, but Banner's here."

"Tell him to suit up. I'm bringing the party to you."

Tony whirled around the corner of a building, followed immediately after by the giant snake Chitauri crashing against it and heading straight for us. "I don't see how that's a party," Natasha shook her head.

Bruce pressed his lips together and started walking towards the Chitauri. "Dr. Banner." Steve started, and Bruce turned back to us, but continued to walk backwards towards the alien. "Now might be a really good time for you to get angry."

"That's my secret, Captain. I'm always angry." Right in front of us, Bruce started to grow taller and more muscular, green creeping over his skin with his clothes ripping to shreds and falling to the pavement. Right before the snake could knock him over, he slammed his fist into its nose, causing it to stop in its tracks and its tail to lift up into the air.

Clint grabbed Natasha and pulled her out of the way while Steve pulled me closer to him, holding his shield above us to protect us from the falling chunks of the Chitauri after Tony shot a grenade into it. Giant scraps of metal and alien clamored around us, and Steve didn't release his iron grip on me until the sky was clear.

Chitauri were screeching from the buildings and the streets surrounding us, but the sound was so common now that we practically ignored it rather than let it threaten us. When Steve stood, I stood with him on his left, and Tony dropped to the ground on my own left. Natasha, Clint, Thor and the Hulk stood with their backs to us, the seven of us forming a circle in the middle of the street.

I was watching the portal, and saw that there was no time for rest as three more flying snakes slithered out, dispersing to wreak more havoc upon the city. "We're not done yet."

"Call it, Captain," Tony's mechanical voice said through his suit.

Steve took his natural position as leader with ease, standing in front of the rest of us as we looked to him for the plan. "Alright, listen up. Until we can close that portal, our priority is containment. Barton, I want you on that roof," he pointed to the second tallest building on the street, near Stark Tower. "Eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Stark, you got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or you turn it to ash."

"Can you give me a lift?"

Barton walked over to Tony, who gripped the back of his shirt. "Better clench up, Legolas."

Once they were out of sight, Steve continued his plan. "Thor, you got to try and bottleneck that portal. Slow them down. You got the lightning. Light the bastards up." Thor nodded and twirled his hammer in a circle before shooting off towards the portal. "The three of us, we're going to stay down here. Keep the fighting on the ground. And Hulk… Smash."

The Hulk actually smiled at us- which was both adorable and terrifying- before doing exactly that. He shot into the air, snatching up Chitauri along the way and smashing them into any hard surface he could find, including the other Chitauri.

I unstrapped a pistol from my thigh, checking that it was loaded before aiming for the aliens in front of me. There were plenty to take care of, and hopefully we could find a way to close that portal before even more came through.

The longer the fight went on, the more separated I became from Natasha and Steve. I hadn't done it intentionally, but while they were fighting close range with a shield and alien staff, I was more focused on keeping the aliens around us and out of the buildings. Whenever one got too close to a set of doors, I would chase it down and practically drag it back into the fight.

Nobody was going to die on my watch, especially not innocents. This was our fight, our mess. They shouldn't have to suffer any more than they were already going to.

One by one the Chitauri fell. At one point I looked back and saw that Natasha wasn't with Steve, though I had no idea where she'd gone. I could only assume that she was fighting in a different area of the city. Steve didn't look worried, so I didn't pay it much mind. What I _did_ pay much mind to was the fact that one of the Chitauri snakes was heading straight for one of the buildings.

I ran inside without a second thought, and silently cursed all the civilians for not going to the basement like I'd told them to. "Everybody get down!" I shouted, pushing them towards the stairs and away from the wall the snake was going to come through any second. "Take cover, get down!"

The entire left wall crumbled to nothing but dust as the Chitauri swept through, the horrified screams of the people drowned out by the terrible screeching of metal scraping against concrete. I tried to duck out of the way, but a shooting pain in my right side forced me to my knees, crying out in pain.

The snake separated me from the people, but I could hear their footfalls as they sprinted towards a safer building. I collapsed onto my back, gripping my side and breathing as evenly as I could. I risked a glance down to my injured area, and saw that a gleaming gold fragment from the Chitauri had embedded itself in my abdomen.

Gritting my teeth, I wrapped my hands around the metal and closed my eyes, dreading what I was about to do. I sucked in a deep breath, and-

"Has anybody seen Jo?"

I sighed, releasing the breath I had been holding. Damn Steve for making me lose my nerve. I lowered my hands from around the metal to the edges of the wound, applying pressure to slow the bleeding. I was already shaking from the blood loss, despite my accelerated healing. "I'm okay," I answered Steve's question. "I'm just… busy, at the moment."

"_Busy_?" Steve asked incredulously. I could practically see the expression he was making just by the tone in his voice. "Where are you, I'm coming to get you."

"Just focus on the fight!" I growled, trying to keep the pain out of my voice. The last thing we needed was for Steve to be distracted on top of me being kicked out of the fight. Steve didn't say anything else, and I started to hope that he had taken my advice and re-focused on taking out the Chitauri.

How silly of me.

Only a minute later Steve came running in through the doors of the building, kneeling over me as soon as he spotted me sprawled out on the floor. His face was panicked, so I chuckled in an attempt to break the tension. "Does it look that bad?"

Steve shook his head and ran his hand back through his hair. When had he lost his helmet? "You're the doctor," he shrugged, eyes trained on the metal protruding from my gut. "What do I do?"

I closed my eyes and took in the deepest breath I could manage without hurting myself further. "Pull it out."

"Wait, what? That sounds like the worst thing I could do!"

"Just get it out!" I yelled, moving my hands from the wound to the ground and balling them into fists. "You have to get it out so the wound can close."

"Okay. I can do that." I am so glad my eyes were closed, because I do not want to know what Steve's face looked like when his hands replaced mine over the shrapnel. "One-"

"Don't count," I shook my head, "Just get it the fuck out of me."

In the next instant, I felt the metal being ripped out of my body and clamped my hands over my mouth to muffle my screams. The last thing I wanted was for the aliens to hear me and run in while I was incapacitated. I was streaming curses from behind my hands, while Steve's pressed down over the tear in my abdomen. "What do I do next?"

"I can close it!" Natasha interrupted our conversation, sounding desperate and relieved in a rare display of emotion. "Can anybody copy? I can shut the portal down."

"Do it!" Steve commanded at the same time Tony shouted, "No, wait!"

"Stark, these things are still coming."

"I got a nuke coming in," Tony explained. "It's gonna blow in less than a minute. And I know just where to put it."

Was he seriously suggesting what I thought he was suggesting? Steve obviously thought the same thing as I did, because the next time he spoke it was a lot more solemn. "Stark, you know that's a one-way trip."

There was nothing else said on the matter, and I could only assume that he was going through with it. I pulled the bloodied gloves off my hands and batted Steve's hands out of the way, pressing them against my wound. "Help me up," I demanded, holding my arm up for Steve to take.

Steve grabbed my hand and lifted me into a standing position, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and practically carrying me out of the bank. We made it outside just in time to see Tony soar overhead and fly straight into the portal with a white warhead rested on his back. I held my breath despite the odds, watching the portal eagerly. He could make it. There was a chance, no matter how small, that he would make it back out.

The explosion was big enough to see even down here on the ground, and the flames were closing in on the portal.

"Close it."

I sighed and dropped my gaze to the ground. Of course we couldn't all make it out. That's how things work around me, around all of us. There's no catching a break when you're involved in keeping the world safe. Thunder rumbled, and I knew the portal was closing in on itself, but I couldn't watch. I refused to watch Tony give himself up to save the rest of us. I had been in that position once, and I hated not having the option to be in it again if it would mean saving him.

"Son of a gun."

I looked up to Steve, who was watching the sky with a grin. I followed his gaze and saw the red and gold metal suit fall out of the portal just before it closed. "He isn't slowing down."

A flash of green shot through the sky and caught Tony, jumping back down to the ground. Steve tightened his grip on my waist and I winced, but didn't stop him from leading me to where the two had landed.

Tony was laying on the ground with the Hulk on his right and Thor on his left. "Is he breathing?" Steve asked when Thor ripped his mask off.

"He better be," I answered, staring down at him. His face was still, his eyes closed.

The Hulk roared, and Tony's eyes shot open as he jumped in fright. "What the hell? What the hell just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me."

"We won," Steve sighed, grinning.

"All right, yay." Tony cheered weakly, holding out a thumb's up. "Hurray. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it."

"We are not finished yet," Thor informed him, and I was reminded of Loki. I had no idea what happened to the guy, but I was one hundred percent up for punching him in the face. Just one good, hard right hook to the jaw was all I needed.

"And then shawarma after?"

Nobody confirmed or denied going out to eat after this was all taken care of, but I had a feeling he wasn't going to simply let it go. Thor lifted Tony up off the ground and we started walking towards the Tower.

Steve didn't let go of me until we were inside of Stark's living room, where I could see that the rest of our team was already surrounding an unconscious Loki. I dropped my arm from around Steve's shoulder, holding my side and making my way up to our comrades. Steve moved to stand behind me just as Loki started groaning, lifting his hand up to his head.

He pulled himself up into a sitting position, slowly turning to face the rest of us. Clint, arrow already notched, pulled back the bowstring and held it right in front of his face with the rest of us glaring down at him. "If it's all the same to you," he looked up at Tony, "I'll have that drink now."

The Hulk huffed loudly, and Loki immediately shut up. Maybe he isn't as dumb as he looks after all.

* * *

**A/N:**

With the Avengers plotline quickly coming to a close, I have a few more questions for all of you:

1) What would you like to see in the 2 year timeline between Avengers and Winter Soldier? Would you like me to write just a few chapters summarizing their time before WS, or do you want me to actually write it all out?

2) I've asked you guys before what you want to happen in Jo's romantic life, and the majority of you choose one of these:

a) Jo stays single b) Jo/Steve

I'd like to ask once again for your opinions, or if you have another love interest suggestion I would love to hear that too.

Thanks for reading. :)


	28. Offer

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Offer**

By the time a team of agents- including Fury himself- came and took Loki into custody, Bruce had shrunk back down to his regular size, and was thankfully given clothes to borrow from Tony- who had changed out of his Iron Man suit. "Shawarma time?" he asked, holding his stomach dramatically.

We all looked at each other with the same half-annoyed expressions, but I knew that none of us could deny that battling an alien invasion did make us tired, sweaty and hungry. Food was going to be the easiest solution, which is how we all ended up leaving Stark Tower with Tony leading us towards the promised shawarma joint.

There were three workers sweeping and wiping down counters, but when we walked in one of the ladies looked at her co-workers warily before setting down her cloth and walking over to us. "How may I help you?"

"How sweet of you to ask!" Tony clapped his hands together and turned back to the rest of us. "Why don't you all find us a seat, and I'll handle the ordering."

Nobody was willing to argue with him, so we walked over to the sitting area and pushed two tables together with seven seats. Tony came back with two of the workers in tow, all carrying baskets filled with shawarma that they handed out to the rest of us.

Bruce sat at one end of the table, practically shoveling the food into his mouth. Turning into the Other Guy took up a lot of energy, he explained. Natasha and Clint sat on his left- Clint picking at the food he held in his lap and Natasha staring at hers as if it might bite her. Tony and Thor sat across from them. Tony stared at the wall while he ate his, and Thor was eating even more than Bruce.

Steve and I sat on the opposite end from Bruce. Steve had his elbow propped on the table, poking his shawarma with a fork. I closed my eyes and rested my head against his shoulder, completely worn out from the day's events. My side had stopped bleeding at some point thanks to my overactive healing, but that didn't stop it from aching painfully.

"Good shawarma," Bruce commented at one point. The only response he got was a few glances from the other teammates, while I just sighed again and pulled my feet up into my chair, crossing my arms over my legs.

* * *

We were all escorted back to headquarters by SHIELD agents, where we were given time to shower and change our clothes while Loki and the Tesseract were secured in their own varied equivalents of handcuffs. Shortly after that, all of the Avengers were tasked with our final team mission of escorting Thor and Loki to a place where they could return to Asgard.

This is how we ended up at a secluded corner of Central Park, with Loki in chains and the Tesseract tucked neatly away in a specialized briefcase.

Tony opened the case holding the Cube, allowing Bruce to pick it up with specially built pliers and move it into a transporter of Asgardian design held by Dr. Selvig. Clint and Natasha watched from the sidelines, but Steve and I never allowed the Cube to leave our gaze. It had caused more than enough trouble in more than one lifetime, and we both wanted to make damn sure that it was off the Earth for good this time.

Thor pulled Selvig into a quick one-armed hug, patting his back before he took the golden tube from him. He then turned to look at the rest of us watching the exchange with a small smile and nodded. I waved back with one hand before pushing them down into my pockets.

He held the transporter out to Loki, who took it after only a moment of hesitation. When they turned the handles, they were swallowed up in the same blue energy the Tesseract had given off for as long as I could remember. Then they were gone.

We all watched the empty spot for a minute- surely because not a single one of us was used to the Asgardian magic, advanced technology, whatever you wanted to call it- before stepping back towards our own vehicles.

There were some goodbyes between groups, but none of us was leaving alone. Clint and Natasha were leaving in a sleek black car, Tony and Bruce were leaving in a dark red convertible, and I was riding with Steve on his newly acquired motorcycle- courtesy of SHIELD.

I was about to climb on the bike when somebody tapped me on the shoulder. I turned back to see that it was Clint, who had pushed his sunglasses up to the top of his head. "Yeah?"

He held out a small white card with a half-smile, and I took it to look it over. It was blank on one side, and the other had two phone numbers. No names, no explanation. Clint tapped the top number, "This is how you can contact me. Nat's on the bottom. Give one of us a call when you get tired of trying to live a normal life. SHIELD could always use another skilled agent."

I was somewhat curious as to why he was personally asking me to join SHIELD, but I got the feeling that even if I asked I wouldn't get a straight answer. So instead, I nodded and pushed the card into my back pocket. "Will do, Barton."

Without another word, he turned his back on me and climbed into the driver's seat of the black car. Natasha smiled at me before joining him on the passenger's side, and I took that to mean she knew what he had just offered me. Once they had gone, I looked back to see that Tony and Bruce had driven off as well.

Steve was standing next to his bike with his hands in his pockets, watching me with one eyebrow raised in question. I simply shrugged, walking up and swinging my left leg over the motorcycle to signal that I was ready to go. He followed my example, hoisting his own leg over to get situated on the bike.

"So what do you think happens now?" Steve asked over his shoulder while he pushed the keys into the ignition. "Do you think they're just going to leave us alone?" He didn't need to elaborate that he meant SHIELD, and I briefly wondered if he had guessed why Clint wanted to talk to me.

"Not forever," I guessed. "But would we really want them to?"

Steve glanced back at me, keeping his hands on the ignition but not starting it yet. "What do you mean by that?"

I shrugged, leaning back and pressing my palms against the seat to keep myself steady. "What else would we do if not work for them? I think we're far past living normal lives at this point, kid."

He watched me with knit eyebrows, contemplation written plainly across his features. After a moment or two, he nodded and refocused his attention on starting the engine. I moved my arms to wrap around him as we jerked forward, heading home. It had only been three days since we'd left, but it felt like a lifetime.

We made new allies- some I might even dare to consider as friends in the future. These allies consisted of an assassin, an archer, a mutant, a god and a Stark. Yeah, we were _way_ past normal. This kind of lifestyle wouldn't come without consequences, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I would take those consequences over boredom any day.

* * *

**A/N:**

Just a short chapter to wrap up Avengers. I will be continuing this story, but I'm going to be taking a few days off from posting. I'll be stocking up a few chapters during this time, so once my little break is over I'll jump straight back into Jo's life.

I've also posted a one-shot of this story that you can find on my profile. It's Jo and Howard's last day together written from his point-of-view, which was actually inspired by a review I read on this story. I hope you enjoy that. :)

Also, I've read the reviews on Jo's love life and how you all want me to write the 2 year gap. I have a lot to consider, which is another reason I'm holding off continuing this story. I have some major decisions to make as far as Jo's life goes, and I don't want to rush them and make them lightly.

There have also been questions as to how long this story will be. I plan on this particular fic being between 45-50 chapters. Jo's story won't be ending there, however! I plan on continuing her story until:

a) you all lose interest and simply want her story to be ended

b) I lose motivation for her and move on to other characters (which will not be anytime soon!)

c) Marvel stops putting out Avengers content (seriously, not going to happen.)

Thank you all again for reading, and I should have the next chapter out by the end of the week.


	29. Crazy

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Crazy**

I glared at the disassembled laptop parts spread out in front of me, chewing my bottom lip thoughtfully. Over the past three weeks I had finally taken the time to study all the new technology at my fingertips down to the last wire. It was fascinating at first, but the more I learned the less interesting it became. It seemed that most contraptions operated mostly the same way these days, leaving little to the imagination when I took them apart.

It was getting pretty late and I was just about to give up the when there was a knock at the door. Sparing a final glance at the machine cluttering my living room floor, I stood from my spot against the couch and went to answer the door. People rarely visited me- except Steve, of course- so when I pulled the door open and saw Clint Barton I was a little more than surprised.

Clint, either oblivious to my shock or choosing to ignore it, slipped his sunglasses off and grinned happily at me as he tucked them into his jacket pocket. "Jo," he greeted with a nod, walking right past me and into my home. "Nice place. Smaller than I expected, but nice. Very homey."

"Right." I closed the door and turned to watch him with furrowed eyebrows, crossing my arms over my chest. He was standing next to my couch, fiddling with a piece of paper on the side table. Oh, right. I forgot that I left his phone number there. I had considered calling once or twice, but I wasn't sure I was ready to join SHIELD just yet. I may have helped the Avengers fight Loki, but there was still the matter of SHIELD using HYDRA technology for 'Phase 2'. I wasn't quite ready to trust them.

Clint waved the paper towards me with a half-smile. "You never called."

"I didn't want you to think I was too eager," I shrugged and he chuckled, placing his free hand over his heart.

"I'm touched you put so much thought into it." He placed the paper back in its place before shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. "Seriously, Jo. I figured you would have called me by now. Nat said you haven't called her either."

"Maybe I'm not as bored as you assumed I would be?"

Clint clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "See, I don't buy that. I may not know you very well-"

"Not at all, really."

"-_but_, I know people like you. You're not one to sit out the good fight forever."

"How exactly is working for SHIELD the good fight?"

He took a moment to consider that, nodding slowly and glancing around my apartment. "We're not all as bad as you think we are. You do know who founded it, don't you?" I didn't answer, instead watching closely as he strolled through the living room. He seemed particularly interested in the computer parts scrambled on the floor. "Not as bored as I thought, huh?"

"What's your point, Clint?" I sighed, dropping my arms to my side. "You obviously came here for a reason."

"Mm." He nodded, pulling a dark blue folder out from the inside of his jacket and holding it out towards me. When I made no move to grab it, he shrugged and dropped it onto the couch. "I'm heading out for a two-man mission in two weeks. Seems like one that you would be interested in- details are in the folder. There's enough time before I leave for you to run through a brief training session with our specialists, if you decide to join me."

I had to admit, it was a somewhat tempting offer. From what I knew of Clint, he seemed trustworthy enough a person. That was also according to SHIELD files however, which meant I would want to make my own assessment of the man before placing blind faith in him. Despite my objections, I was dying of boredom sitting around the apartment. I had tried hanging out with Steve a few times, but we were both recognized out in public and there was only so much we could do in our apartments for so long.

Clint must have noticed me considering the offer, because he jumped back in with more incentive. "You would be paid for your time, of course. Since we already know who you are and your skill level, you wouldn't be coming in as a Level 1 agent, either."

"What level would I start at?"

"Four." I raised an eyebrow, and he shrugged. "That's out of ten, and the only Level 10 agent we have is Director Fury. Even Hill is only a Level 9."

"And what level are you?"

"Seven."

I hummed in contemplation, biting the inside of my cheek as I thought about it. Really, what was the worst that happened? I went on the mission and didn't like it, so I didn't go on another? There was no real downside to going on just one mission.

"You know, working for SHIELD can be a good thing. It gives you a sense of independence and strength. Sometimes the best way to deal with your problems is by going out and solving other people's."

That made sense. "Okay." I grinned, walking forward and snatching the folder off the couch. "I'll look it over."

Clint nodded with a smile. "Great. I'll let Fury know that you're interested, and we can set you up for an appointment with Dr. Mitchell by tomorrow."

"Dr. Mitchell?"

"Right, Dr. Mitchell," he chuckled, inching closer to my front door. "Did I not mention him?"

The way he was trying to get out before he had to talk any further on the subject set me on edge, causing me to narrow my eyes at Clint. "No. You didn't."

"Yeah, well it's not a big deal. Just a formality, really. We all have to do it before and after a mission."

"Do _what_ before and after a mission?"

Clint shrugged again, with one hand on the doorknob. "Oh, nothing special. Just a brief psychiatric assessment."

I paused with my mouth slightly open, staring at Clint as if he had just told me the sky had actually been purple all this time and I was the only person who was seeing it was blue. "You want me to see a _shrink_?" Clint shrugged, and I shoved the file back into his arms. "Oh, no. No. No. _No. _I am not crazy."

"It's not a big deal," he sighed. "He'll ask you a few questions, you tell him what he wants to hear, boom. We're kicking butt and taking names."

"No," I repeated, reaching behind him for the door handle and pushing him out of my apartment. "Just no. Sorry, Clint."

"If you change your mind-"

"Buh-bye." I closed the door, locking it before he could try to come back in. Once he was gone, I took a deep breath and released it. "Freaking SHIELD wants me to see a psychiatrist," I muttered to myself as I walked to the bathroom to shower before bed. "Who do they think they are, telling me I may not be mentally stable. I'm the most mentally freaking stable person they've ever met!"

It occurred to me then that talking to myself about how mentally stable I was was in fact an indication that I was anything but mentally stable, but I shrugged it off. "I'm just tired, that's all. Shut up, brain."

* * *

_I was walking through base camp, waiting for Steve and Bucky to come back from the mission their mission so I wasn't so bored. Honestly, people claim that times of war are so hectic, but I was constantly searching for things to do around here._

_I stopped walking when people started shouting to find Howard Stark. Why did they all look so freaked out? One of the privates pulled Howard out of a nearby tent, and he started running in my direction. "Why the rush, Hux?" He didn't stop. "Huxley?" He kept running, and it wasn't until he passed right by me that I realized the look on his face was panic. "Howard!"_

_He still didn't stop. I ran after him, confused as to why he was so scared and why he didn't see or hear me. I followed him all the way to my own tent, going in with him when he pulled the flap open. Inside I saw Peggy pacing back and forth in front of one of my work tables._

_Howard leaned over the empty table, running his hand over thin air. "Don't you worry your pretty little head, Susie. I'm not letting something as silly as radiation take you away from me."_

_Radiation? I held my arms out and looked myself over. I looked healthier than ever. Why the hell was he talking to my table? But his words sounded strangely familiar…_

"_What the hell is happening, Stark?" Peggy demanded, crossing one arm over her stomach and rubbing her cheek with the other. "I thought you said that the two of you were working on a cure!"_

"_We were," Howard and I answered at the same time. I looked at him strangely, but he didn't even flinch, as if he hadn't heard me- which I suppose he hadn't. He started searching frantically through papers, and I reached out to grab his attention, tapping his back. I could feel him, he was right there. But he wouldn't respond to me. "I didn't think she'd get this bad this quickly."_

"_I'm not bad at all!" I tried to argue, waving my hands in front of his face. "We already cured my radiation!"_

"_I thought I had more time, I thought… Dammit!" He slammed the papers on the desk, knocking a few to the floor. "She didn't finish deciphering Erskine's notes."_

"_I didn't need to!" I insisted, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. "Huxley, look at me! I'm okay, you don't need to worry!"_

"_Well what does that mean?" Peggy asked, taking Howard's place in front of the table. She placed one hand palm-down on the flat surface before recoiling. "She's burning up, Howard."_

_Howard shook his head and stepped away from me, walking towards the table I had used for experimenting with the serum. "It means we're going to have to go with what we have."_

_None of this made sense. I was already cured- I didn't feel sick at all! So why was this all happening? It felt like a really nasty case of déjà vu. "Howard, please. If you would just listen to me, I could explain-"_

"_What?" Peggy snapped, moving away from the table to stand in front of Howard. "Are you _insane_?! You're not injecting her with an incomplete serum! Who knows what that could do to her?"_

"_I guess we'll just have to find out."_

_Wait… No, that was wrong. That's not what he said. Howard's eyes finally focused on me, and I almost sighed with relief that he was finally seeing me there. "Look, Hux. I'm okay!" He stalked towards me, gripping my shoulders tightly and forcing me down onto the workbench. "Hux?"_

"_I'm saving you," he whispered, holding me down._

_I looked behind him to see if Peggy could reason with him, but she wasn't in the tent anymore. "Howard, listen-"_

"_I can't lose you." Howard shook his head, producing the syringe containing the serum._

"_Howard, wait. Stop, okay? Just-"_

"_I can't lose you."_

_The sharp pain in my right arm alerted me to the needle he had just pricked me with, followed by the searing heat I remembered from the first time he'd injected the serum. Instantly I was thrashing against my will, but Howard continued to hold me down to the table with one hand smothering my screams. "Everything will be alright." He continued his attempts to soothe me, but I could barely hear his words through the sound of rushing water._

_My vision grew darker and darker with each violent twitch, and eventually I was blind. My senses left me one by one. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear. I couldn't even feel. Hot, then cold, then gone._

_It was dark. I was numb. I was alone._

* * *

I shot out of bed, hyperventilating. It was still too dark. Slivers of light filtered in through the cracks in the door, so as quickly as I could I climbed out of bed and hurried into the living room.

I took a few minutes to simply look around, reminding myself that it was just a nightmare. I'm okay, it wasn't real. I'm not dying.

Once some time had passed, I sat on my couch instead of returning to my bedroom. This was a common enough occurrence that I knew sleep was out of the question for the rest of the night. It didn't bother me as much as it had at first.

I rested my elbow on the arm of the couch with a sigh, and a white slip caught my eye next to the phone. Clint's number.

"_You know, working for SHIELD can be a good thing. It gives you a sense of independence and strength. Sometimes the best way to deal with your problems is by going out and solving other people's."_

I tapped the number a few times, creating a random rhythm as I thought over what he said earlier. Kicking ass would certainly keep my mind off of… well, everything. It had worked for a few days after the Battle of New York- as the media had taken to calling it. Of course, that eventually created its own set of nightmares.

As long as I kept fighting, I could keep the past at bay. It might not be the most healthy way of dealing with it, but it would work.

There was the matter of meeting with a psychiatrist, but I could deal with him easily enough. I'd just spout some crap about how I missed the past sometimes but I was completely over it and I would be good to go.

Simple.

* * *

I had waited a few hours to call Clint, thinking he probably wouldn't appreciate a 2 A.M. phone call. He sounded happy enough that I had decided to join him after all, and told me that my appointment with Dr. Mitchell was set for 9:30 at SHIELD's New York location.

One taxi ride later, I was sitting inside of the psychiatrist's office- which was really more of a tiny living room. There were two big white chairs facing each other with a short coffee table in between them, and Dr. Mitchell sitting in the opposite chair from me with a big smile. He was an average looking guy. Brown hair, brown eyes, thick-rimmed glasses.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Dr. Moore. I'm-"

"Jo."

"I'm sorry?"

"Jo," I repeated, crossing my right leg over my left. I almost told him that the only person allowed to call me Dr. Moore was Colonel Phillips, but thought better of it. "Just call me Jo."

"Jo, then." He scribbled something in the notepad he was holding before returning his attention to me. "I'm Dr. Mitchell, as I'm sure you already know. It's my job to assess whether or not you're mentally fit for the field."

"Clint explained as much."

"Clint, yes. He is the one who made the appointment for you. What's the extent of your relationship with Agent Barton?"

"Barely anything," I shrugged. "We only met a few times. For some reason he seems adamant to get me back into 'fighting the good fight', as he phrased it."

Dr. Mitchell nodded while he took notes, asking more questions about my relationships with the other Avengers. I usually made silly faces whenever he wasn't looking to entertain myself, returning to a neutral expression every time he glanced up at me. He asked about Natasha, Bruce, and Thor, all with the same answers. I didn't really know them that well.

"What about your relationship with Tony Stark? Considering your relationship with his father-"

"Who Tony's father is has nothing to do with my opinion on Tony himself."

Dr. Mitchell pursed his lips and tapped his pencil a few times before writing anything. "I'm sure. So, what _is_ your opinion of Mr. Stark?"

I shrugged for probably the tenth time since the session started. "He's fine, I guess. A bit of an ass, really, but that's never bothered me before."

"Mm." More scribbles. "What about Steve Rogers? I imagine you two are quite close."

"You have a pretty wild imagination."

He pulled his glasses of in a way that reminded me of Bruce, twisting them in between his fingers. The way he examined me would have made me uncomfortable if I wasn't a self-proclaimed expert in the art of avoiding questions I didn't want to answer. "Jo, we're not going to get anywhere during this session if you don't answer my questions."

Is he a mind reader or something? "I don't see why I have to answer questions that have obvious answers. How does knowing about my relationships help you assess my sanity, anyway?"

He held his arms out, palm up in a semi-shrug before dropping his hands into his lap. "Humor me."

I sighed, uncrossing and re-crossing my legs. If he wanted to know about Steve, I would just tell him about Steve. Anything to get me out of here faster. I never was a fan of psychiatrists. "Fine. Steve is my friend."

"Go on," he encouraged.

I rolled my eyes as subtly as possible before continuing. "I met him back in June of 1943, a few weeks before he became the Captain America that everybody knows. When I met him, he was still just the kid from Brooklyn. I loved him right away. He was- still is- easily the best man I ever met."

"How did you two meet?"

"We bumped into each other at that year's World Exposition of Tomorrow. It was a whole big thing back then. He wanted to become a soldier, but before the serum he was… Let's just say he couldn't even walk home if it was windy outside for fear of being blown away. But we gave him a chance anyway."

"We?"

I hesitated slightly, not long enough to be noticeable. "Dr. Erskine and I. It was our decision as to who would be given the serum."

"Why did you choose Steve?"

"How could we not?" I chuckled, linking my fingers together and staring down at my fiddling thumbs. "Strong- not physically, but where it really counted. Passionate. Moral. His birthday is the freaking Fourth of July. He was exactly what we were looking for. The best man for the job. The _only_ man for the job."

Scribble, scribble. "Let's skip forward a bit. After Steve became Captain America, what about then? You two worked in completely different fields during the war. How did you remain friends?"

The session seemed more like an interview than a therapy session, but that made it easier. Media was something I was used to, something I could deal with. It was more comfortable. "It was easy, actually. Steve is the kind of person that becomes very attached once he knows he can trust you. Once you're his friend, you're his friend for life. We would spend any free time we had together- the two of us and… Others."

"Others?"

"Just whoever was around," I dismissed. "I was pretty sociable, and even though Steve wasn't he was always kind and open."

"Mhm." Scribble, scribble. "You and Steve knew each other for just over a year when you took your own version of the serum, yes?" I nodded. "Was he the one who trained you for field missions?"

"He… No. No, it was somebody else." Dr. Mitchell simply stared back at me, clearly waiting for me to continue. I took a deep breath and sighed before answering. "No, it wasn't Steve that taught me how to fight. It was Bucky."

"Bucky?"

"James Barnes," I nodded. "He was Steve's best friend. I had only talked to him a few times, but he seemed pretty open-minded. When I needed somebody to teach me, I asked him. He said yes. That was that."

Scribble, scribble. Was all of this really important? "Were you close with Bucky?"

"I guess," I shrugged. "I liked him well enough. He was somebody I trusted. I just never really had the chance to get to know him properly."

"Do you blame yourself for what happened to Bucky?"

He knew. Of course he knew, he would have read the reports about what happened. "I used to." A half-truth is better than a whole lie, right?

"Do you now?"

Damn. "No."

Dr. Mitchell watched me for a minute before 'scribble, scribble'ing. "Who else were you close with during the war?"

I had taken to staring at my hands in my lap rather than Dr. Mitchell. I knew I had to get through this to go on the mission, but with every question that seemed less and less important. "A few people, I suppose. I knew people, but getting attached to people in a war is pretty ill-advised."

"But you did anyway."

"Yes," I sighed, rubbing my nose irately. It was silent again, and I didn't have to look up to know he was just going to wait again until I kept talking. "Mostly Steve's friends- like the Howling Commandos. And there was Peggy, of course." This was the first time I had even said her name since waking up. It felt weird, in a way, talking about her when I knew she was still out there somewhere. Not the Peggy I knew, but still… her? It was all very confusing.

"What about Howard?"

"You had to bring him up didn't you?" I spoke without thinking, chuckling humorlessly. "Everybody knows- knew- whatever. It's common knowledge that Howard was my best friend for the majority of my life."

"Just your best friend?"

"Why does everybody want to put a label on everything? We were… God dammit," I rubbed my face with a tired sigh. "Do you want me to tell you that I was in love with him? Fine. I was. But I'm over it now."

"Are you?"

"Yes! Howard moved on after I… He moved on, had a wife- a family. And now he's gone. I understand that. I've moved on. The past is just that- the _past_. No matter how much I want to, no matter what I would change…"

Scribble, scribble. It was starting to give me a headache. "You can't focus on the things you would change, Jo. It isn't healthy."

"It's all I can think about!" I shouted, standing from the chair as I started to pace the room. Was it this small fifteen minutes ago? "There are a million things I would have done differently! I could have stayed when Howard asked me to. I could have stayed with Peggy and the other agents, like I was supposed to. I could have… I could have never taken that damn serum. I wouldn't even be here today."

Even though I had my back to Dr. Mitchell, I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck. He had stopped his incessant scribbling to simply watch me. "If you weren't here, Steve would be going through this alone."

"Yeah, well." I sighed, running my hands over my face and up into my hair. "Maybe he doesn't need me here. Maybe I'm selfish enough to believe that he could do all this without me."

"I don't think that's selfish." I half-turned to look at him over my shoulder, one hand on my hip with the other on my shoulder. He closed his notebook with his pencil inside before setting them on the coffee table, turning to look at me with his hands in his lap. "I think you care about Steve. But I also think you overestimate him."

I completed my turn, fully facing Dr. Mitchell, but kept my eyes lowered. I had just let all of that spill out without thinking, and now I was stuck talking about something I didn't want to talk about. "I love Steve. He is without a doubt the best thing to have ever happened to me. He's stronger than me. Better than me. I don't overestimate him, Dr. Mitchell. I know him."

He tilted his head to the side, watching me with a calculating expression. It was almost a full minute before he said anything else. "Not every relationship will end in tragedy, Jo."

That was unexpected. I furrowed my eyebrows, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean just what I said. Every relationship you formed with people in your life was cut off when you sunk that plane. Every relationship, except yours and Steve's. He is your one reminder of the past, and that wouldn't be a bad thing if you didn't make it out to be. I think that you two depend on each other, and a dependent relationship can go one of two ways. You two will either depend on each other too much, which would eventually ruin you both. But if you two take some time apart to work on yourselves, I think you could discover things about both yourselves and your shared relationships that would surprise you."

"I doubt anything about Steve could surprise me at this point."

He shrugged. "Perhaps not. Regardless, my advice stands. I would like you to continue coming in for therapy-"

"Wait," I cut him off with a scoff. "You want me to continue my therapy?"

"I believe you still have some underlying issues-"

"Underlying issues?"

"-that may be detrimental to your mental health."

"My mental health is just fine!"

"That may be. But I would like to further explore-"

"You want to know if I'm crazy?" I stood behind my chair, gripping the back of it as I met Dr. Mitchell's gaze. "You've read my files. You've read the reports. You know that I have been through hell and back- quite literally. Everything- _everything - _I have ever involved myself in ultimately fails. I have lost more than people should ever survive losing. You want to know if I'm crazy? I've _earned_ crazy."

Without waiting for a reply, I turned on my heel and marched out of Dr. Mitchell's office. I was past caring if I was allowed to go on the mission or not. That man could make as many assumptions as he wanted about me. I was done trying to explain what had happened to me. He wouldn't- couldn't- understand. Nobody could.

* * *

Later that night, I had just finished reassembling my laptop when my phone rang. I set the computer on the couch before answering. "Hello?"

"You passed."

"I… What?"

"You passed," Clint repeated with a small chuckle. "Dr. Mitchell approved you to work in the field. I'll come by again tomorrow to pick you up. We'll go over the mission details before we start your training. Two weeks from now, you'll be an official agent of SHIELD."

I still hadn't moved past the fact that Dr. Mitchell actually approved me for field work. Whatever I had said, I was glad I said it. "That's great, Clint. I'll see you tomorrow, I guess."

"See you tomorrow, Agent Moore."


	30. Self-Improvement

**Chapter Thirty: Self-Improvement**

The next few weeks were filled with intense training before I was deemed fit to leave for my first mission with Clint. Even with the super soldier serum, I struggled to keep up with my instructor- which may be attributed to the fact that my instructor was Natasha. She pushed me to be better at everything, even things I never considered crucial to my survival. It was rigorous and exhausting, but the results were definitely worth it.

Even though Clint had called it a simple mission- "In and out, no muss no fuss!"- I was extremely thankful for all Natasha had taught me in our short time together while we were in the thick of it.

Something else I learned was that Clint had specially designed arrows, all with different functions. When I asked him about them, he smiled and pulled one out to show me. "Tony makes them for me. They come in handy, but don't tell him I said that. He doesn't need the ego boost."

"Mhm," I agreed without really paying attention. I was too busy studying the craftsmanship in my hands, twisting and turning it every which way. I'd been considering my own specialized weapon for a while- ever since New York, really- and this new information seemed to be exactly what I needed to set that plan in motion.

That's how I found myself walking through the front doors of Stark Tower exactly seven weeks after the last time I'd seen Tony with a list of ideas in my back pocket and an excited smile plastered on my face. It had been a long, _long_ time since I'd actually invented anything by myself- seriously, the last thing I built from scratch was Steve's shield- and I couldn't wait to start getting my hands dirty all over again.

I was so excited in fact, that I completely forgot that I was walking into a business instead of just Tony's house. I was halfway to the elevator before the receptionist gave up calling out for me and actually chased me down, gripping my shoulder and turning me to face her. "Excuse me," she repeated, slightly out of breath. "I'm sorry, but you can't just walk in here. You need to sign in at the front desk so I can check to see if you have an appointment."

"Oh," I chuckled. "My bad. I don't have an appointment or anything, I'm just here to see Tony." Her hand dropped off my shoulder to instead rest on her hip, and I could tell by the subtle sigh that people had probably done this before. "He knows me," I tried to explain before she coud scold me. "Why don't you just give him a call and let him know that Jo is here to see him?"

Her eyes lit up with recognition, and her stance shifted back to one of professionalism. "Oh! You're Joanne Moore! I recognize you from the news coverage from a few weeks ago." I nodded with a smile. "I can't believe I didn't see it earlier. You look so different with your hair down!"

"Uh-huh." I smiled again, more out of formality than anything at this point. I hadn't come to talk about the Battle of New York, or anything involving this woman for that matter. Not wanting to be rude, I kept the smile firmly in place as I pointed towards the elevator. "So, do you mind if I go ahead? I have something very important to talk to Tony about."

"Of course! You actually need a code to open the elevator, so..." She skittered over in her high heels and punched an all too long code into the keypad before the doors opened. "There you go. You can just tell Jarvis where you want to go once you're inside, and you'll be on your way."

Jarvis? As in Edwin Jarvis?

I stepped warily into the elevator, but found it empty. I had known that he wouldn't actually be in here, of course. He was older than both Howard and I, meaning that even if he was somehow alive today, he would have been at least 100 years old. So why had she said to tell Jarvis where I wanted to go?

The doors closed, and while I was mulling over the receptionist's words a British voice invaded my thoughts.

"Hello, Dr. Moore. What floor would you like to visit?"

I was startled out of my reverie, and I searched the elevator for the source of the voice. Recalling that the receptionist told me to ask Jarvis, I figured she must have meant the voice. "Are you Jarvis?"

"I am, madam."

Chewing on my lip thoughtfully, I settled for staring at the ceiling. "What are you?"

"I am an artificial intelligence designed by Mr. Stark. What floor would you like to visit?"

Artificial intelligence that somehow held the ability to sound impatient yet courteous. This really is the future, I guess. Or the present, or... Whatever. I've given up figuring that out at this point. "Whatever floor Tony is on." The elevator smoothly started its ascent, and only half a minute later the doors opened with a ding. "Thanks, Jarvis."

"Anytime, madam."

I doubted I would ever get used to that as I exited the elevator and found myself on a floor that was entirely one room- a lab of sorts. Wonderful, I already had Tony exactly where I wanted him. Although, I didn't see him anywhere in the open room... "Hello?"

A loud clanging drew my attention to my right, where I saw Tony fumbling about with only an arm and a leg of the Iron Man suit attached. The rest of the suit was inexplicably scattered around him as he moved into a suspiciously nonchalant stance, his unarmored hand tucked under his chin. "Oh, hey, Moxie. What brings you around these parts? Finally realize how much you miss me?"

I raised an eyebrow at the predicament I'd found him in, but decided against mentioning it. He would only provide a roundabout explanation without actually telling me how he ended up so disoriented, I was sure. "You wish, doll. I actually come with wonderful tidings of a new project." I pulled the paper out of my pocket, waving it in the air before slapping it down on the nearest table. "Clint told me that you're the one who made his arrows for him."

"Aw, Katniss brags about me? I'm touched." Once again ignoring what I'm sure was a pop culture reference, I watched with great amusement as he struggled to coax his leg out of the iron suit. When he finally had it off, he kicked it across the floor and glared at it as if it had personally insulted him. "What's this project you mentioned?"

"I've been training with SHIELD, and while I was up there I figured my armory could use an upgrade. Natasha has her bracelets, Clint has his arrows, Thor has his hammer, you have your repulsors, Steve has his shield. Figured it was about time I had my own thing. Hence..." I smoothed the wrinkles out of the paper when he walked over so he could see the plans more clearly. "Tada."

The design I had come up with looked simple, but I knew that it would take time to meet all of the specifications. Simply speaking, it came from the same idea as Clint's specialized arrows- but with bullets. I had come up with at least a dozen different bullets, all with different abilities ranging from stunning to exploding on impact.

Tony looked the paper over for nearly three minutes before finally nodding. "These are doable." He was already on the move, flitting about the lab and collecting materials. "We can use low dosage electricity if you don't want to kill the person, and crank up the hurt from there. I might even be able to fit my repulsion technology into one-"

"_My_ repulsion techology," I corrected with a smirk, following him around and watching what he picked up. "All you did was take my invention and tweak it."

"Tweak it so it actually _worked_," he scoffed. "Remind me why I'm helping you again?"

Instead of answering, I smacked the back of his head and stole my plans back from his hands. "Less talk, more work."

"Yes, ma'am. I love it when you take control like that."

The lab was soon filled with the familiar cling and clang of scraping metals while we worked. I quickly learned that Tony had two very distinct personalities. The first was the persona he wore in front of the public, the arrogant and overly-confident Tony Stark we all knew and loved yet secretly despised. The second was what I liked to consider the real Tony Stark. Hard-working, involved, and purely genius. Needless to say, I greatly preferred the second personality over the first.

We spent hours in the room, comparing designs and building small protoypes, before we were interrupted. The elevator doors whooshed open and a vaguely familiar woman dressed in an expensive looking business suit walked in with a box of pizza. She smiled sweetly when she caught me looking at her, setting the box on a semi-clear table before offering her hand to me. "Hi, Jo. I don't know if you remember me. I'm Pepper Potts."

"Right, that was the name." I nodded and shook her hand. She was the woman with Coulson before the whole alien invasion business. "Nice to see you again, Pepper."

"Tony didn't tell me he had a guest over. Not that him forgetting to mention things to me is new. Frankly, I've learned it's better to not rely on Tony to tell me anything anymore."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," Tony whined exaggeratedly, wiping his hands on a rag before flipping the pizza box open and grabbing a slice. "There's still time for me to convince Jo to like me."

"Oh, no," I chuckled, shaking my head. "That time is long past, doll. I already hate you. I'm just using you for your tech."

"Figures."

Pepper rolled her eyes at our back-and-forth before turning back to the elevator. I guess she's used to checking in on Tony every once in a while- he seems like the type that needs to be babied. "Whatever you two are up to, make sure it's finished before ten."

"I'll get him upstairs in time for bedtime," I called after her, earning myself a wadded up napkin thrown in my face. I turned to glare at Tony but he'd already turned his back to me, working with one hand and holding pizza in the other.

At the end of the day, we had created detailed schematics and prototypes for multiple specialized bullets, including the one Tony had suggested that contained _our_ repulsion technology. I didn't know exactly what time it was, but considering Pepper hadn't come back to collect Tony it couldn't have been too late.

While I was busy trying to put all of the blueprints in order, a cell phone appeared on the table in front of me. I looked up and saw Tony leaning over it with a neutral expression. Before I could even ask, he jumped into an explanation. "Pepper and I are going to stay at my place in Malibu for a while. Considering you're a dinosaur and all, I figured you probably don't have one of these, and even if you do it's nowhere near as cool as the ones I design. So being the gracious philanthropist I am, I am bestowing this one upon you. My private number is already programmed in."

I picked the phone up, rolling it in my hands a few times before looking back up at Tony. "Is that your fancy way of asking me to stay in touch?"

"Oh, admit it," he smirked. "You know you'll miss me when I'm gone."

"Why of course!" I brought one hand up to my chest dramatically, pretending to hold back a sob. "How will I ever survive without you? It's not as if I have plenty of other people to keep me entertained."

"None nearly as entertaining as myself."

I dropped the façade and rolled my eyes, shoving the phone into my pocket and picking up the rest of my things. "Shut up, Stark."

Surprisingly, he did. He didn't say anything else as we entered the elevator, or on the ride down to the lobby. He didn't say anything until we were right at the front doors of his Tower, and I put my hand on the gold plate to push it open. "Seriously." I dropped my hand and turned to face him. He had pushed his hands into his pockets and was looking outside the windows instead of at me. "Keep in touch. If you need anything, just call."

This is Tony Stark, I decided. The real Tony that cares about people and their well-beings. When he acted like this, it reminded me a lot of his dad. He would deny it, of course. I didn't doubt that Howard had been a bad father- I still question what led him to want a family in the first place. He had never been the type. But he had been a decent man, and that definitely leaked through to Tony.

"The same goes for you, doll. Just call." Tony nodded, and after patting his shoulder I walked out. I figured he wouldn't call if he needed help- he was the man who would want to solve everything himself- but at least he knew that I was there for him, that he wouldn't be alone if he didn't want to be.

* * *

As soon as I was back at the apartment complex, I didn't even hesitate before running upstairs and knocking on Steve's door. I hadn't talked to him since before I left with Clint, and I was itching to tell him everything. The second he opened the door, I grabbed his hand and pulled him outside. "You're coming with me."

"Jo, when-"

"Shut up and come with me!"

I slammed his door shut with my free hand and dragged him into my own apartment, closing that door as well. I dragged him all the way to the couch, pushing him into the seat and dropping next to him. His expression was one of confusion and amusement, but not annoyance, which I took as the go ahead to delve into my own story.

Using what I'm sure was the majority of the oxygen in the small living room, I rambled about the difficulty of training with Natasha, the excitement of running for my life with Clint, the mechanics of working with Tony, no details spared.

"And so now I have these!" I produced the weapon schematics from my pockets, flashing them in front of Steve despite the fact I knew he wouldn't comprehend half of them. "I made a few protoypes with Tony, but he's moving to Malibu with his girlfriend so he gave me full use of the lab in his Tower while he's away. He told me that Bruce will be there while he's gone, so he can help me build anything he understands. Which I hope will be a lot. I just couldn't stop thinking about how everybody has something special, and I was just... Me. So I had Tony help me-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Steve interrupted me for the first time since I'd harassed him into my apartment, waving his hands in front of himself to catch my attention. "What do you mean you were just you?"

I tilted my head slightly, knitting my eyebrows. "Isn't it obvious? You saw what happened to me in New York. When I went into that bank, I was useless."

"You were _injured_. There's a difference."

"Right, and I was _injured_ because I was useless! Fighting is a lot different than it used to be, Steve. I can't just punch guys in the nose and expect to win anymore. I wasn't raised to be an assassin or an archer. I'm not a god. I don't turn big and green when I'm angry. I don't have a supersuit to do the work for me. I don't even have a shield. I'm virtually defenseless against any more than a common thug, and I'm not okay with that. So I'm doing something about it."

Steve pursed his lips in thought, seemingly mulling something over before slowly nodding his head. "Okay. If these," he pointed towards the now scattered papers, "make you feel safer, then I'm behind it. But just so you know, I've never seen you as defenseless. I've always thought you were strong enough to defend yourself, and the people you care about. In fact, that's one of my favorite things about you."

"Okay then." I nodded once and allowed the mushy moment to settle before hyping myself back up with a smile. "So, as I was saying before you so _rudely_ interrupted."

* * *

I spent the better part of the next week with Tony before he actually moved, tying up all the loose ends with my new weapon. He even helped me redesign my outfit, though I insisted on keeping the bandana. I hadn't known Coulson well, but throwing out his contribution to the uniform seemed wrong, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Not to mention I had sort of grown attached to it. What can I say, it's a handy addition.

Shortly after Tony left, I used my new phone- which I was falling more and more in love with by the day- to call Clint and ask him when the next available mission was. This, of course, would be precursored by another meeting with Dr. Mitchell. He may have cleared me for the one mission, but the only way I was allowed to continue working with SHIELD as a field agent was by agreeing to meet with him before and after every mission until he deemed me mentally fit otherwise.

This is how I found myself in the same room I'd been last time, sitting across from the man I'd 'accidentally' poured my heart out to only a couple weeks ago.

Dr. Mitchell fiddled with his glasses in the same way he always did that reminded me of Bruce, and I half-wondered if everybody with glasses had a habit of playing with them. "I hear your mission went well."

"You read the report, you mean."

"Yes, I read the report. Agent Barton claims that you were a valuable asset."

"Please, you'll make me blush."

Dr. Mitchell half-smiled, and I smirked triumphantally. At least he wasn't trying to stop me from joking this time around. "My apologies. What I'd like to talk about, however, has nothing to do with your previous mission. What I'd like to talk about is how well you think you fared without Steve for a week."

I shrugged, watching his hands, waiting for him to start his scribbling. "Honestly? At first, it was terrible. I felt like there was nobody I could talk to. Not about anything important, of course, but just in general. I didn't think I would _like_ talking to anybody else, especially not stuffy SHIELD agents. But after a few days with Nat and Clint, I realized I was wrong."

Scribble, scribble. Yep, there it is. "You enjoyed working with Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton?"

"No." He glanced up from his notepad to give me a skeptical look. "No, I don't enjoy working with Romanoff and Barton. I enjoy working with Nat and Clint. If we're gonna be friends, doc, you're going to have to relax a bit. We could start with you telling me your name."

Dr. Mitchell chuckled and shook his head a bit before leaning back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other. "Whatever makes you more comfortable, Jo. You can call me Nick."

"All right, Nick."

"So, is there anybody else you've talked to this week?" I went on to recount my time spent with Tony and Pepper in the Tower, to which he seemed somewhat surprised. "Last time we met I got the feeling you didn't care much for Mr. Stark." I groaned with my best 'seriously?' look, and he responded by clearing his throat. "Tony."

"Better. And yeah, _Tony_ can be a bit of an ass... Well, a colossal ass, really. But when he's not focused on impressing somebody, he's actually tolerable."

"You've made some new friends, then?"

Friends. I had to think about that for a minute. Friends are a big deal for me, they always have been. Acquaintances were easily made, easily lost. But honest-to-god, real friends? Those were hard to come by. They weren't just my friends, they were my family.

Did I consider these people my family now?

Steve, there's no question. That kid is stuck with me whether he likes it or not. He had gone and flashed me just one of his stupid lopsided grins and I was automatically hooked.

Clint, absolutely. I hadn't known him for very long, but time isn't an important factor in a relationship. It didn't matter if I'd known him six weeks or sixty years. He was reliable, and trustworthy. The fact that he had a decent sense of humor didn't hurt either.

Nat, definitely. She reminded me too much of Peggy to not fall in love with her. She's strong, loyal, and willing to lay down her life for somebody she considered her family. I wouldn't hesitate to return the favor.

Tony, well. Who could resist the man for long? Sure, it was easy to shadow his strengths behind his flaws, but when you took the time to work past his ego you would find one of the best men I'd met. Everything he does, even misguided, all came from a good place.

As for Bruce and Thor, I hadn't had the time to bond with them as much as the others but they both seemed like good men. It would be hypocritical of me to trust the others without also trusting them.

"Yeah," I finally answered with a firm nod. "Yeah, I've made some good friends. Some pretty great ones, actually."

* * *

**A/N:**

_I'd love some ideas from you guys as to what you want to see happen before Winter Soldier. I have two or three of these chapters planned out and I have a general idea of furthering the plot, but if there's anything specifically you would like to see happen or a chapter you'd enjoy reading, drop me a review or PM letting me know and I'll do my best to include something for everyone. :)_

_Also, for those of you wondering, I picture Dr. Mitchell as David Rees Snell._


	31. Closing The Box

**A/N:**

I'm so sorry for the long wait for this chapter. It's longer than any of the others, which I hope partially makes up for that. Also, there will only be a couple more chapters before TWS, which means they will be coming out more frequently. I recenty started a summer job, which unfortunately means I can't spend all day writing like I used to.

But no matter! This chapter is pretty long, and also contains some bits from Steve's POV. I hope you enjoy it, and that it's worth the wait. :)

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-One: Closing The Box**

I had been working with SHIELD for six months as of today, meaning this was apparently a day to celebrate according to my favorite co-worker. Of course he didn't know he was my favorite- as far as he knew I thought he was the most annoying man on the planet- but secretly I did love the guy. Even if it was hard to remember why sometimes. Times like right now, in fact.

"Remember what today is? Jo. Joanne. Annie. _Annie._"

I looked up from the mission report I had been trying to finish for the last half hour to glare at Clint leaning across the desk in front of me, grinning like a kid on Christmas. "_What._"

"Remember what today is?"

"Thursday."

"Ha! Good one." Clint clapped once and moved around the desk to stand behind me, staring over my shoulder. "Mission report? Boring. You know what's _not_ boring? Celebrating. Celebrate what, you ask?"

"I didn't, actually."

"Excellent question! Which brings us back to my original statement... question. Remember what today is?"

I dropped my pen to rub my temples with a sigh. I had been increasingly irritable lately, all thanks to Steve. He hadn't done anything wrong per se, but I had found our relationship to be much more complicated lately.

* * *

It all started a few weeks back when I was having one of _those_ nights. After a particularly nasty nightmare involving the Chitauri, the smoldering remains of Manhattan and a mangled super soldier, I'd inevitably ended up next to Steve in his bed. We had been spending more and more time apart at the insistence of Dr. Mitchell (who I had taken to teasing for sharing a name with the Director of SHIELD), but something seemingly indescribable was different that night, and I couldn't stop myself from abandoning my apartment for the familiar comfort of my best friend's.

Everything seemed as close to normal as anything else in my life when I'd fallen asleep. Steve and I had been holding hands, the same way we always did when one of us was in need of the comfort only the other could provide. We'd slept nightmare free in each other's company. It should have been a good night. Then I woke up.

Steve and I do not argue. In fact, the only argument I remember _ever_ having with him had been back on the helicarrier, but that issue had been resolved in a matter of mere minutes. We simply agreed on mostly anything, and anything we didn't agree on we never brought up in conversation. Steve and I do not_ argue._ Apparently, we _fight_.

I woke up wrapped in Steve's thin comforter- neither of us enjoyed thick blankets, we couldnt stand heat. However, there was a very specific heat that was missing from my hand. I sat up in bed and saw that Steve wasn't around. Thanks to my earlier nightmare, I was immediately on edge. "Steve?" No answer. "Steve?"

I pushed myself out of bed and checked every place I could think of. The bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, even my own apartment. He wasn't anywhere. The longer this went on, the higher my heart rate climbed and the harder it seemed to breathe. I returned to Steve's apartment with my cell phone and tried calling him, but it continually went straight to voicemail. "I swear if he isn't dead in an alleyway right now," I mumbled to myself, dialing his cell number for the sixth time.

Twenty minutes later I was seriously considering calling Fury and starting a manhunt when Steve came waltzing through his front door as if he hadn't just scared me half to death. When he saw me staring at him from behind the kitchen counter, he smiled and opened his mouth to spout out some kind of excuse, but I wasn't ready to hear it.

"Where the hell were you?"

Steve's smile dropped as his eyebrows furrowed, and he lifted the plastic bag he was carrying to set it on the counter in front of me, next to my cell phone that displayed Fury's private number. "I went to go get breakfast. Last night seemed rough on you, so I just thought-"

"You thought you'd just abandon me with no earthly idea of what kind of trouble you might be in?"

He actually had the audacity to laugh at that, even if it was only a small chuckle. "Jo, I wasn't in any kind of trouble. And I didn't _abandon_ you. I walked to our cafe to buy pancakes."

"I called you!" I pushed my phone towards him after scrolling to the Recently Dialed tab. "I called you _eleven _times."

He produced his own phone, setting it next to mine. "It died. I forgot to put it on the chrager last night. I'm still not used to-"

"Yeah well you should be used to charging your damn phone by now."

"Okay, could you stop that?" He pointed a finger towards my mouth, which was currently set in an angry grimace. "Stop interrupting. I'm trying to tell you where I was this morning."

"I know where you were!" In hindsight, I know that there was no logical reason for me to be upset with Steve at this point, but anybody who knows anything about me knows that I'm not always entirely logical. Despite my best efforts, I have almost zero control over my emotions when Steve is involved. "You were out buying freaking pancakes," I slapped the top of the styrofoam box, "at an ungodly hour, leaving me here all alone with no way of reaching you, scared out of my wits that something might have happened to you!"

"Jo, I'm okay. See? Perfectly fine." Steve gestured towards himself, speaking slowly and deliberately as if I were an idiot or a child. While I'm sure he thought he was being reassuring, he was only making me angrier.

"That isn't the point!" I shouted, rounding the counter to stand directly in front of him. Bad move, considering he was at least four inches taller than me, but I held my ground anyway. "The point isn't whether you're hurt or not, the point is that _I didn't know._ I woke up and you were just _gone_. If you haven't noticed, I kind of have a problem with people disappearing on me."

This next part was unnexpected. Usually if I was angry, Steve decided it was best to leave me to my own devices. When I calmed down I would let him know, and we would carry on as if it had never happened. Not this time. This time he was yelling right back.

"You think I don't?" Steve's voice had suddenly matched my own, angry and growing increasingly louder in volume. "You think I don't know _exactly_ what that feels like? These last few months, you've acted as if we barely know each other! I never see you anymore unless you need me to do something for you, or you want to ramble about all the fun you're having with your new friends at SHIELD!"

"Oh, so now you're pissed at me for making friends?" I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest with an indignant chuckle. "Well _excuse me_ for trying to build a life here!"

"That's not- You _know_ that's not what I mean."

"Then what _do_ you mean, Steve?"

"You promised me that you would always have my back. You promised me that I would never have to worry about being replace. But these last few months, I have done nothing _but_ worry!"

"Oh, please." I rolled my eyes and turned my back to walk away from him, but he wasn't going to let me get away that easily. Our fight moved into the living room, with Steve right on my heels.

"No, it's true! You can't deny that you've been ignoring me for _months_. At first I thought it was my fault, that maybe I did something wrong. But I knew that couldn't be true, because you kept coming over when you had nightmares. So what am I supposed to think when the one person I have left in the world suddenly up and leaves, huh?"

I turned back to him, screaming because he was standing on the opposite side of the room from me now. "You're supposed to trust me! I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?"

"I-"

"No, no, no. Wait a minute. _Trust_ _you_? You know, I knew you could be hypocritical sometimes Jo, but this just tops everything. What you're saying here is that you can ignore me for months on end and I'm supposed to just _trust you_, but when I go out for twenty minutes- to do something nice for you, I might add- you reserve the right to start a fight with me?"

"We're not fighting!"

Steve's eyes widened almost comically as he waved his arms out by his sides. "Then what the hell do you call all this?!"

I fumbled over my answer, starting words but cutting them off before any of the noises made logical sense. In all honesty, I didn't actually _have_ an answer. But I'm nothing if not stubborn. "Okay, we're fighting!" I admitted with a huff. "But only because you're being astoundingly ignorant."

"I've been _what_?"

"Astound-"

"I heard what you said!"

"Then why did you-"

"Because it made no sense!"

"You make no sense!"

This is where the fight went a bit off topic. Emotions were raging, tensions were building, and my ability to keep the fight from becoming physical was waning. We went back and forth, spouting meaningless half-sentences about trivial problems, for much longer than we should have, until I finally snapped.

"I'm done!" I shouted, pushing past Steve to leave. It was a quitter's tactic, but I was miles past the point of caring. "Done, done, done." I stopped by the kitchen on my way out to grab my phone, and just to be a bitch, I grabbed the two boxes with our breakfast and threw them in the trash. "No pancakes for you, Rogers. _So done._"

I knew Steve was really angry by the way he didn't even attempt to stop me from leaving. That was fine by me. I spent the rest of the day in my apartment, eating unreasonable amounts of ice cream and mumbling to myself about how much of an ass Steve was, and that he had no idea what he was talking about.

* * *

"-and then the Pirate King tried to shoot me down from the Crow's Nest, but none of his men were any match for the mighty Hawkeye! Once I forced them to walk the plank, I took all the gold doubloons for myself and invested them in Stark Industries. And that's what _actually_ happened in Budapest."

After finishing the last paragraph of my report, I stood from my desk to take the file to Fury's office. Clint followed beside me, shaking his head with a sigh. "See, now I know you were ignoring me."

"It took you that long to figure it out?"

Clint pointed at me with narrowed eyes. "You are a very mean person, Annie."

"Why do you insist on calling me that?" I asked, knitting my eyebrows together. He'd just started calling me Annie one day a few weeks back with no explanation whatsoever. "It makes me sound like I'm in second grade. Besides, I thought nicknames were Tony's forte."

"Because I'm the only person who calls you that," he answered as if it was the most obvious explanation in the world. "Being the only person to not call you Jo or Agent Moore makes me special." I dropped the completed report into a clear bin attached to Fury's door when we arrived in front of it. Before I could turn right to exit the building, Clint had his hands on my shoulders and was leading me towards storage. "Nope. Since you refuse to celebrate your six month anniversary- which is the answer to what today is, obviously- you're at least letting me give you a present."

I knew there was no point arguing with him, and honestly I didn't have the energy to even try. So I let him drag all the way to the very back of the storage room where the sleek metal containers transitioned into flimsy old cardboard boxes. He let go of my shoulders to sift through the boxes dated 'March 1945', pulling two relatively smaller ones out and dropping them into my arms.

Before I had the chance to ask him to, Clint explained what the present was. "These are yours and Steve's personal effects from before you went under. They've been stored here ever since SHIELD was founded, just in case you were ever found or any family asked after you. We would have given them to you earlier but there was kind of an alien invasion happening at the time, so... Here you go."

I stared down at the boxes in my arms as if they were covered in a foreign language. Since the moment I'd learned I'd been frozen for the last seventy-odd years, I'd given up any hope of having any link to my former life. Since I'd started working with Dr. Mitchell, I'd turned that feeling of loss into a hope for moving forward. Now that I had this box, filled with who-knows-what of my old things, I almost wasn't sure I wanted to open it. What if I opened it and all my progress disappeared?

Despite my fears, I wanted to let Clint know that I appreciated the gesture, so I worked my features into a smile and shifted the boxes under one arm to sling the other over his in a half-hug. "Thanks, Barton."

"Yeah, yeah." He patted my back before wrapping one arm around my waist to walk me out of the building. "Don't go getting mushy on me now, Annie. I might not like you so much anymore."

* * *

_Steve_

I had been busying myself with trying to check a few things off my 'Future Things You Need To Learn About' list when I heard the knock at the door. After spending almost half a minute looking for the remote- I can't keep track of that thing for the life of me- I gave up and simply stood from the couch to turn the TV off and answer the door.

The only people who visited were Fury and Jo, and considering we hadn't spoken to each other in almost three weeks, I highly doubted it was her.

Only two days after our fight I had given up on the silent treatment and gone to her apartment to apologize and talk it out with her, but she hadn't been home. In fact, every time I tried to find her or call her she was conveniently missing. The only assurance I had that she was alright were the phone calls I got from Natasha updating me on how she was. She didn't know I was checking up on her, of course, but it was nice to know that she was at least still breathing. I probably could have gotten angry all over again that she was avoiding me_ again_, but I felt guilty for arguing with her when she'd only been worried for my safety.

So when I opened the door and saw Jo standing there with two cardboard boxes, gaze fixated firmly on said boxes instead of on me, I was confused yet relieved. My first instinct was to hug her and apologize over and over until she forgave me, but even if my nerves didn't stop me from actually going through with that, the boxes would have.

"I got these from SHIELD," she said without any introduction, shrugging her shoulders to lift the boxes slightly. "The top one is yours, if you want it. It's your things from _before_."

She didn't need to explain any further for me to understand exactly what was inside that box. Well, I didn't know _exactly_ what was in my box- much less what was in Jo's- but I had my suspicions.

I took the box from her with a quiet thanks, the only word I was able to actually say aloud. There was so much I wanted to say to her that I didn't know where to start.

"Let me know if you find anything interesting." It lifted an immense weight off my chest to see her smile, even if it was only a little one and she still wasn't looking me in the eyes. "I'll be next door with mine."

With that, she turned on her heel and entered her own apartment, closing the door behind herself. I mimicked her actions, closing my own door and carrying my box into the living room. I set it on the coffee table before dropping onto the couch with my elbows on my knees and my fists tucked under my chin, staring at the cardboard in front of me, contemplating whether or not I wanted to know what was inside.

* * *

_Jo_

I sat in the middle of my living room, staring at the now opened box with the lid resting in my lap. I had been staring at the dress that covered the rest of the contents since I opened the box almost three minutes ago now. Dark blue with white polka dots, collared, crisp seams. Memories of laughter, flirting, old friends, meeting one new, very special, particular friend.

It was the dress I'd worn to the 1943 World of Tomorrow convention.

This was going to be more difficult than I thought.

* * *

_Steve_

The first thing I pulled out of the box was my dark green US Army uniform. If it wasn't for the musty smell that came naturally with aged packaging, it would look brand new. I fiddled with the collar a moment, reminiscing. I assumed the uniforms had changed over the last few decades- everything else had.

The only thing different about the outfit was the medals pinned to the left lapel. I only recognized a few of them, but I didn't feel as if I really deserved any of them. I had only done what anyone else would have done in my situation. _Our_ situation.

Did they award Jo these same medals? She had gone above and beyond the call of service, especially considering she wasn't even an official soldier to start with.

With a sigh, I moved the uniform from my lap to the couch cushion on my right and dug back into the box to see what other discoveries it held.

* * *

_Jo_

"Jesus," I chuckled under my breath as I pulled out two worn black leather journals. I set one in my lap and opened the other, smiling slightly at the familiar writing.

This was the journal I kept all my notes in. Inventions, ideas, sketches, memos, everything. I flipped through the pages, running my fingers over the faded writing. Towards the back I found the sketches of Steve's shield and old motorcycle, along with the designs for my own suit.

I pressed the back of my fist against my mouth, shaking my head as I narrowed my eyes at the pages. In my mind, I had been hard at work preparing myself for WWII only weeks ago when in reality, it was almost a century ago. Is it even possible to adjust to something like that?

Instead of pondering an answer, I closed my notebook and moved on to an even harder challenge. The second journal. Howard's journal. I didn't know why they'd kept it with my things, but in the moment I didn't really care.

The first half was unsurprisingly similar to my own. Old calculations and reminders, letters and numbers that didn't mean anything anymore. However, the further in I went, the more the pages changed into something I didn't recognize.

His notes became shorter, more concise- almost harsher, in a sense. There were no more irrelevant doodles from the times he couldn't keep himself focused on his work. Almost every single page focused more on the Tesseract and coordinates of locations he had searched for the plane rather than his own inventions.

_I know they're out there somewhere. Everyone says I'm crazy for thinking they might still be alive, but I know that they're out there, somewhere. They're waiting for me to find them. Jo is waiting for me to find her. I knew I shouldn't have-._

_I will find them._

I stared at the sentence he had scribbled out, trying to make sense of the illegible markings even though I was sure I knew what he had written. He blamed himself, all those years.

Slowly, I closed the journal and placed it on top of my own before covering my face, resting my elbows on my knees as I forced myself to breathe.

This was a terrible idea.

* * *

_Steve_

The next thing I pulled out of the box actually made me laugh. It was my old sketchbook, the same one I'd kept with me since I was a kid and all the way through the war. Opening the cover, I could only laugh again at the very first drawing. It was an admittedly terrible pencil sketch of some dogs I'd seen playing in a park I'd gone to with Bucky. However, the more I flipped through the pages, the more the memories became bittersweet.

One such example was the time I'd drawn myself as a monkey on a unicycle, balancing an umbrella and my shield. The first thing it made me think of was Peggy, and the motivational speech she'd given me that had given me the courage to go out and rescue Bucky myself. It was one of the things I'd loved about her- the fact that she pushed me to be more than I thought I could be.

Thinking of people who motivated me, I couldn't help but also be reminded of earlier that very same day when Jo had done much of the same, but in her own unique way.

_"Oh, don't play innocent, Rogers. You two are in caboodles, aren't you?"_

_"Caboodles?"_

_"You know." When I didn't answer, she rolled her eyes with a chuckle, shaking her head. "You'll figure it out soon enough, I suppose." She left me standing there wondering just what caboodling was as she started to head towards a medical tent, but it wasn't long before she turned back to face me, walking slowly backwards as she smiled at me._

_"Steve. Erskine and I didn't __didn't sacrifice all that we did so you could sing show tunes in a pair of fancy tights. He didn't die for you to be ridiculed by soldiers who couldn't even dream of being half the man you are. I didn't subject myself to… You're better than this. No matter what Phillips or Brandt tell you or try to make you do- you are a soldier. _The _soldier. You'd do well to remember that."_

After that, I spent a lot of time thinking about what she'd said. I was still thinking about her when Peggy had found me sitting confused in the rain. At the time, Jo had been a crazy mystery to me. She was _the_ Joanne Moore. She was the very definition of beauty and brains in the eyes of America- the cliched 'every woman wants to be her, every man wants to have her'.

When I met her at the World of Tomorrow convention, it took everything I had to force words out of my mouth. But instead of giving me the same pitiful stare most of the girls Bucky tried to hook me up with gave me, she just laughed. Not in a mocking way, but sweet and friendly. She had shown me kindness I'd only experienced from my family and Bucky.

As I got to know her over the years, I came to know who she really was. Somewhere along the line, I stopped seeing her as Joanne Moore, co-founder of Stark Industries and coveted hearthrob, and started seeing her simply as Jo.

I looked down at the old drawing once more before snapping the book shut and setting it next to my uniform.

* * *

_Jo_

I went through a few more miscellaneous items before I finally reached the final surprise at the bottom of the box. My hand was shaking slightly as I pulled out something I thought would be gone forever, and my breaths were soon coming out in shuddering gasps. I was laughing and crying at the same time, completely in love with the fact that I actually had this back.

Peggy holding my hand and smushed against my side. Steve with one arm hanging over her shoulder with the other hand on my back. Howard with his right elbow on Steve's shoulder and his left arm wrapped around my waist. I was laughing at Howard kissing my temple just as the flash went off.

In all actuality, it really was a terrible picture. We all looked ridiculous with our awkward positioning as we hugged each other, and not one of us had a proper smile. But that was our whole thing, wasn't it? Screw proper. We were happy.

I wiped my face with my free hand after calming myself down. Maybe this wasn't such a terrible thing after all.

* * *

_Steve_

I can't believe they found it. I can't believe they put it in here. I can't believe they gave it back to me. I can't believe I have it again.

I held the still closed compass in between my hands as I pressed them together, resting my forehead against my thumbs. I knew what I would see when I opened it, and I was trying to work myself up to do just that.

Since the moment I knew there was no way I could let that plane get anywhere near land, I had known that every chance of me and Peggy getting our happy-ever-after was gone. That fact had been reiterated when I'd read about how she had moved on, had a husband and kids. The Peggy Carter I had known was gone, now living in a retirement home in Washington D.C suffering from Alzheimers.

I had no idea what to feel. It didn't seem right to be bitter or angry. She had done the right thing by moving on, falling in love and raising a family after having a successful career doing exactly what she wanted. It's what I had wanted for her when I knew that Jo and I wouldn't be making it off that plane. It didn't seem right to be sad, because I should be happy that she was happy.

I _was_ happy that she was happy. But what I really wanted was to be happy for myself. It might be selfish, I don't know. The only time I really feel happy and carefree is the time I spend with Jo.

That was just as confusing as how I felt about Peggy. She didn't make me forget the past, but somehow, in her own special way, she makes everything that much more bearable. When I'm around her, it feels okay to be confused. She's never judged me before, and I know that she never would.

Of course she would tease me and laugh, but it was never harsh. It was... warm, and happy. Exactly what I never knew I needed, but could no longer live without.

Just thinking about her gave me the strength I needed to open the compass, running my thumb along the old black and white photo with a smile. Maybe my old life was gone, but I had been given a second chance to build one. The fact that I wouldn't have to do that alone only made it so much sweeter.


	32. Surprises

_I highly recommend listening to the song Dream by Priscilla Ahn either before or during reading this chapter for the full effect. Enjoy. :)_

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Surprises**

Everything was perfect. Well, not yet, but soon!

I knew that Steve wouldn't have stayed angry with me longer than a few days at most, but I was still determined to give him the best apology in the history of apologies. Unlike him, I had a tendency to hold grudges for much too long. I had given the silent treatment for the first three weeks because I was honestly upset with him. The week after that was just out of spite. But this last week and a half had been because I was busy planning something I just _knew_ he would love.

The first person I'd contacted was Peggy's retirement home in Washington, D.C. Because she had Alzheimer's, I asked them to call me when she was having a good day so that I could come in with a few visitors.

When that was set up, the next person I called was Dum Dum. Because he still kept up with SHIELD, I was able to get his phone number from Fury.

"Hello?" He may be 90-odd years old, but his voice sounded exactly the same. Gruff, but filled with humor.

"Hey, Dummy."

He paused for a moment, but when he spoke again I could hear the smile in his voice. "Blondie."

I laughed out loud, not surprised in the least that he knew exactly who he was talking to. The conversation was filled with laughter on both ends. Speaking to him again was a crazy blast from the past, especially when I told him the plan for surprising Steve and he agreed to call up Gabe and Jacques so we could all meet up soon.

I wait four days after that for the home to call me, all the while busying myself with getting as much work done as possible at SHIELD so that I could take a day off and avoiding Steve. Every time he tried to talk to me, I would either hide until he left or not answer the phone. A small part of me felt bad for ignoring him so long, but that little voice was drowned out by how excited I was to finally take him to Washington.

On the morning of the fifth day, I was woken up by the ringing of my cell phone that Tony had gifted to me. We had been keeping in touch for the most part, but he had recently dropped off the grid. I would have to remind myself to call him later.

For now, I simply answered the call and was ecstatic to hear the voice of Nancy, the retirement home receptionist. She told me that Peggy had woken up completely lucid today, and that she didn't know how long it would last. I thanked her for calling before jumping out of bed and running around my apartment to get ready for the day. However, despite the rigorous training I'd endured over the last six months at SHIELD, I was no more coordinated than I had ever been.

Thanks to my ingrained clumsiness, trying to get ready that morning did not go as well as I might have hoped. I encountered problems such as trying to run to the bathroom while jumping into my jeans, mumbling to Dum Dum over the phone while I brushed my teeth, thinking I had lost my phone while it was in my hand, and of course the morning wouldn't be complete without me managing to fling myself over the back of the couch and tumbling through the living room while trying to tie my shoes.

All of this clattering caused a lot of banging and thumping noises, and while I was on my back on the living room floor with my feet in the air trying to tie my laces, I heard knocking on the front door. I rolled over to my stomach and pushed myself up, hurrying to the door mumbling to myself, "Please be Steve, please be Steve, please be Steve..."

When I pulled the door open, lo and behold a very concerned looking Steve stood in front of me. "Steve!" I shouted, grabbing his arms and pulling him into my apartment. "Perfect timing, kid! I was just about to make my way over to your place." I ran back into my bedroom and grabbed my wallet and phone, shoving them into my back pocket.

Steve stood in the open doorway, his concern quickly turning to confusion. "Why?"

Having everything I needed, I pushed Steve out of my apartment, locking the door behind us and dragging him through his own door. I wanted the location to remain a surprise, so I simply shoved him inside of his bedroom and pulled the door closed before cupping my hands over my mouth and shouting, "Dress nicely!"

No more than ten minutes later, Steve came back out dressed in dark jeans and a button up shirt with his leather jacket. I flashed him two thumbs up in approval before pivoting on my heel and marching back out of the apartment. "You look hot, doll. Follow me!"

I ignored his questions as we took the elevator down to the complex's garage and I jumped onto his motorcycle. I had decided against buying my own car, preferring to walk anywhere I needed to go. Considering we were heading all the way to D.C. though, I really wasn't prepared to walk for three days straight. Motorcycle it was.

Steve stood next to the bike with his arms crossed over his chest and one eyebrows raised quizzically. "I'm not getting on until you tell me where we're going."

"Well _obviously_ I'll tell you where we're going," I rolled my eyes. "You're the one driving us. I really hope you slept well last night, because it's a four hour drive, by the way."

His face changed from questioning to plain annoyance as his arms dropped from being crossed over his chest to resting against his hips. I smiled innocently, patting the seat in front of me. "Jo."

"Come on, Steve!" I started bouncing in the seat, eager to get on the road. "We're already gonna be late, just get on and start driving! It's a surprise!" When he didn't stop staring at me, I leaned closer to him and smirked. "You really wanna take me on in a staring contest, Rogers? If I can beat _Loki_, I can beat you."

He only bothered to stare for another second or so before sighing and joining me on the motorcycle. I clapped happily before wrapping my arms around him and directing him out of the garage.

* * *

I managed to keep our destination a secret by simply telling him giving him directions step by step the whole ride, despite him asking on multiple occasions. He hadn't asked once why I had suddenly started speaking to him again. Very clever of him, no longer being surprised by my split-second decisions. Little did he know that this decision had been in the works for weeks.

Since we had to stop twice, we pulled into the retirement home parking lot just after noon. As soon as Steve stepped off the bike and saw the name of the building, he turned to look at me with an unreadable expression.

"Surprise," I chuckled quietly, waving my hands in front of me and wiggling my fingers. Before he could reply, I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside of the building. Steve was silent the entire walk in, allowing me to guide him up all the way from checking in at the front desk and through hallways until we were standing in front of Peggy's closed door.

I squeezed his hand once and smiled up at him. His expression hadn't changed since we'd pulled into the parking lot, and I was beginning to worry that he didn't want to be here. "You ready, doll?"

Slowly, a smile worked its way onto his face as he nodded. Only slightly reassured, I pushed the door open and led him inside. Inside, the four people we'd come to see were already seated- except Peggy, who was laying in her bed. Seeing them again after so many years, even though I had been expecting it, was still surprising. They were all obviously much older than the last time we'd seen them, but they still looked like themselves.

Gabe and Jacques were seated on her left with Dum Dum on her right, and two empty seats sat in between them near the end of Peggy's bed. They were all smiling at us when we walked in, and we were smiling right back. I let go of Steve's hand when we took our seats, with him taking the one closer to Dum Dum while I sat at the very end of Peggy's bed.

I had expected there to be an invisible barrier between us, caused by decades of separation and different experiences. Needless to say, I was greatly relieved that we all fell into easy conversation.

Steve and I learned about everything the Commandos had done throughout the war, from right after we'd gone under when they arrested a nasty guy named Reinhardt to actually going into Germany and Russia. They went on for hours about what we had missed, but never once did it bring me down from my happy mood. Instead of wishing that I had been there, I was happy enough to hear and laugh about the times past.

My favorite story was one Peggy told about Howard and Dum Dum. The first time Dum Dum saw a girl in a bikini, he had been thoroughly convinced Howard must have had something to do with their invention. Howard insisted that they had been invented by the French, causing Gabe to joke that maybe they had been Jacques' idea.

After that, Steve and I told them what we had been up to since waking up. They all agreed that Loki sounded like one seriously messed up individual, and Steve told them about my new obsession with staring contests. I talked about meeting Howard's son, and though none of them except Peggy had ever met the boy, they easily agreed that Tony reminded us all of his dad.

We spent hours in that little room, simply enjoying each others' company. Somewhere along the way, I had ended up closer than I originally had been to Steve. While joking about being cooler and stronger than him thanks to the help of being personally trained by both the Howling Commandos and two of SHIELD's top agents, I had slung my arm over Steve's shoulder and winked at him, causing him to blush. Of course, we all had to make fun of him for never fully outgrowing his innocence.

Visiting hours came to a close much too quickly for my tastes, and at 9:30 PM we were all asked to leave. We took just a few more minutes to say goodbye to Peggy and promise to visit again. I put the last part of my surprise into action by moving the three Commandos out of the room as subtly as possible to give Steve some time alone with Peggy. I'd never had the chance to properly say goodbye to Howard, but after a lot of help from a lot of people, I'd finally been able to accept the time we'd had together and move forward. Since Peggy was still around though, for however long, I wanted Steve to have that chance.

While I was in the hallway with the Commandos, I took the chance to give them all hugs and final goodbyes before they left. Steve stayed in with Peggy for another few minutes, due to me chasing off any nurses who tried to go back into the room. It probably helped that they all knew who we were, or else I might have been escorted out by security for threatening the nurses.

When Steve came back out, he closed the door silently behind himself with a small smile. I wanted to ask him how it went, but he motioned outside and quietly told me to follow him. We checked out at the front desk on our way out, and although it was a common occurrence, I was still somewhat surprised when Steve took my hand in his after signing his name.

We walked out together, hand in hand, silently making our way through the dark, abandoned lot towards his bike. Instead of climbing on, Steve surprised me once more by holding onto both of my hands. He stood in front of me, staring at the ground between us with furrowed eyebrows. "Steve? You good, kid?"

"Thank you for letting me talk to Peggy," he replied, nodding his head slowly without removing his eyes from the concrete. "I thought that seeing her like that would be... Thank you."

"Any time, doll." I smiled, ducking my head down a bit in an attempt to capture his gaze. "What did you two talk about?"

He tilted his head slightly, opening and closing his mouth as if he wasn't quite sure how to word what he wanted to say. It took a few minutes, but he eventually looked up with the same expression that was a mix of confusion, yet somehow in awe. His eyes swept searchingly over my face, and the longer he simply stared the more I wondered what exactly he had talked to Peggy about that was making him act like this.

"Do you have any idea how amazing you are?"

Well that was _certainly_ not what I had been expecting. Usually I would just reply with a witty comeback of _"It took you this long to figure that out? You really need to get your head out of the clouds, Rogers."_ Instead, practically shell-shocked at the completely serious look in his eyes, I could only stare blankly back at him as he switched from having nothing to say to having words come spilling out of his mouth like a broken faucet that he couldn't turn off.

"I mean, obviously you're amazing. Everybody knows that, even if they don't really admit it. You were always popular, especially back in the 30's. Women were willing to kill to be you, and men were practically scrambling over each other to be _with_ you. And why wouldn't they? You're- you're... beautiful, and talented, and unbelievably intelligent and-and... Despite all of that, and even though you pretend to be vain, you're not. You're almost _too_ humble. You judge yourself _so harshly_, and you really don't deserve that- especially not from yourself."

At this sudden onslaught of emotion, I instinctively pulled my hands out of Steve's and took a step back. Call me as dense or as ignorant as you want as far as Howard was involved, but Steve was _much_ easier to read, and I could see _exactly_ where this was going. "Steve-"

"_No,_ Jo." Steve took a deep breath, looking as if he was about to burst as he clenched his hands into fists, waving them uselessly in front of himself. "I know that you don't want to hear this, okay? I know that, because I know _you_. But you know me too, and you know that I can't just let this go. You asked what I was talking to Peggy about? We talked about _you_, Jo. And she told me to tell you that you need to shut up and listen because this is _important, dammit._"

"Of course she said that," I sighed before running my hands up over my face and into my hair. He was damn right about one thing- I _did not want to hear this._ But apparently he had developed a sense of self-confidence when I wasn't looking, and I was going to hear it whether I wanted to or not. Resigning myself to my fate, I took another step back and threw my hands out in a 'go ahead' gesture.

Steve had to take another minute to work himself back up before he continued, closing his eyes momentarily before he set them unwaveringly on me. "Peggy and I never got our chance, and that was terrible. You and Howard never got your chance, and that was terrible too. But you and me, Jo, _we _are still here. When I first realized that I... when I first realized what was happening, I thought that maybe it was just because I was trying to replace Peggy. But how I felt about Peggy, and how I feel about you are two _completely_ different feelings. Peggy made me feel invincible. She made me believe that I could do absolutely anything, and she always encouraged me to be more. Going from a scrawny asthmatic kid that girls generally laughed at straight to that was almost overwhelming.

"You don't make me feel invincible, Jo. You don't make me feel like I could be more. You make me feel like... like myself, I don't..." He took his first break since he had started rambling, breathing raggedly as if he had just finished a marathon and shaking his head in a weak attempt to clear his thoughts. "You make me believe that I'm enough. That may not sound like much, but it is. It's _everything_. Ever since I met you I thought that you were turning me into a totally different person, but you're not. You're giving me the ability to be myself.

"With you, I can be angry, or upset, or worried, or scared. And even if you won't admit it, I know that you can be all of those things with me too. It's taken me a long time to finally say this, but ever since that day on the helicarrier when you told me that you were on my side, I have known that I am actually, honestly in love with you."

By the end of his... whatever he called that... I was biting my tongue so hard I could taste my blood with tears pooling in my eyes from what I told myself was the pain. When he didn't say anything else, I sucked in a deep breath through my nose and nodded. "Are you done?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "Yeah, I'm done."

I nodded again, but it slowly transitioned into me shaking my head as I tried to process everything he had just confessed. Laughing humorlessly under my breath, I looked at him one more time before flashing him a half-hearted thumbs up and backing away. "Awesome," I scoffed as I turned on my heel, waving at him over my shoulder. "A-freakin-plus performance, kid!"

I didn't even wait to hear his response before I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and punched in the number of somebody I knew could come pick me up so I wouldn't have to drive back for four hours with Steve after... _that_.

He called after me a few times, but thank god he eventually got the hint that I wasn't going to be turning back around. I heard the start-up of the bike, but didn't see him drive away thanks to me already being out of the parking lot and keeping my back to him.

My phone only rang twice before it clicked, signaling that he had answered. "What's up, Annie?"

* * *

Four hours later, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Clint's car as we headed back to SHIELD's New York headquarters. Not many people would drive an eight hour roundtrip in the middle of the night with no explanation, but thankfully I had befriended one of those few people who would.

He was uncharacteristically quiet during the drive, which I could only assume meant that he could see exactly how I was feeling and was choosing to leave the questions for a later date.

How could Steve do that? Just _throw_ it all out there like that? Not only had I never taken him as the type, but I defintely wasn't either. We had been doing so well!

The whole thing reminded me of Howard. Everyone had seen that I was in love with him except me. Everyone had seen that _he _was in love with _me _except me. Peggy was constantly trying to make us admit our feelings for each other.

It was all eerily similar, which only made me feel worse. Why? Because Howard eventually moved on. He met somebody else, married her, had a kid with her. Without me, his world kept on turning.

How could Steve _possibly_ be any different? No matter how he tried to justify it, he had done the exact same thing. He loved Peggy, but when that possibilty flew out the window he was perfectly content to move on to the next best thing. And I had meant exactly what I said to him all those years ago in sitting in a bar.

_I am nobody's second choice, thank you very much, Cap._

Not only could I not even conceive how any of those things he'd said could possibly be true, I couldn't think about him moving on from Peggy to me. It was simple. Either he was choosing me because I was what he had left, or he was choosing me because he never really knew me in the first place.

I could accept Howard loving me. He was just as screwed up as I was, in every insane way. But Steve? He was so much better, so much _more_. I thought that he had always understood that. How could he possibly think that _I _was good for _him_? The only solution I could come up with was that he really had no idea what he was talking about.

The whole thing have me a nasty headache, and after a while I gave up trying to understand it and resigned myself to dropping my head into my hands with a tired sigh.

A warm hand on my back let me know that Clint had apparently been paying attention to my internal breakdown. "Do you trust me?"

"Oh god," I moaned into my hands before leaning back against the chair, staring at him exasperatedly. "Really, Clint? Do I look like I want to play 20 questions right now?"

"Just answer the damn question, Jo."

I rolled my eyes before closing them and snuggling back against the seat, content to let sleep take over so that I could ignore all the crazy surrounding me for at least a short time. "Of course I trust you, Clint. You're one of the select few I trust implicitly."

He was silent after that, so I assumed his question was answered. With no compelling reason not to, I allowed myself to fall into an unfortunately restless sleep.


	33. Common Sense

_For this chapter, I highly recommend listening to the song Where Is The Line by The Majority Says._

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Common Sense**

When I woke up, I was surprised to find that I was still in the car and the sun was high up in the sky. Even more than that, I was surprised to look out the window and see that we were driving through empty fields on a dirt road. "Morning, Annie."

I turned to Clint, who- judging by the bags under his eyes- had been driving through the entire night. "You aren't kidnapping me, are you?"

"No," he chuckled, glancing at me with a small smile before returning his eyes to the road. "I just thought that you might need to get away for a while. I'm taking you to a place where you can do that stress free... Well, mostly stress free anyway."

Still skeptical but too tired to care, I just shrugged and sat back in my seat, watching the landscape fly by through the window. This was the longest I'd ever seen Clint go without talking, which was probably rare for him. For the last hour of the drive, I wondered where exactly we were going that was so secretive.

When we finally pulled up to a large farmhouse, Clint turned the car off and motioned for me to exit the car. I was still thoroughly confused, but having no reason to stay in the car, I did as he suggested and climbed out. I followed him up the few steps leading onto the porch and all the way up to the front door.

I expected him to knock, but instead he simply pulled the screen door open before pushing open the second door and walked straight in. I hesitantly followed, looking over the foyer and stairway as Clint led me further inside. "Laura? I'm home."

Home? I knit my eyebrows, staring at Clint's back. Before I could ask who Laura was, a brunette woman poked her head around the corner leading into the living room from what looked like the kitchen with a big smile. When she spotted the two of us, she practically ran straight into Clint's arms and embraced him.

I continued to watch in confusion as she pulled back, cradling his cheeks in her hands. "I thought you weren't going to be back for another month!"

"Some... complications came up," he answered cryptically before stepping to her side and pointing to me with the hand that didn't wrap around her waist. "Laura, you know Jo. Jo, this is Laura. My wife."

"Your...?" I gestured back and forth between the two of them, still very clearly hazy on what I was seeing. "Since when have you been _married_?"

As if on cue to answer my question, two kids appeared at the top of the stairs. "Is Dad home?" the older one asked before answering his own question, grabbing his younger sister by the arm and running into the living room. "Dad's home!"

Clint hugged his kids- _his kids_\- with a laughter I rarely saw from him. The two children stood in front of their parents, looking up at me with wide smiles as Clint introduced them, placing one hand atop each of their heads. "This is Cooper, and this is Lila. Guys, this is Jo. She's a good friend of mine."

"Like Auntie Nat?" Lila asked, craning her neck upwards to see her father. When he nodded, she stepped forward and held her hand out to me. "Hi!"

I took her tiny hand in mine and shook it gently, smiling warmly. She was admittedly extremely adorable. "It's nice to meet you, Lila."

"Do you like Disney movies?"

I chuckled and glanced up at Clint- who was trying to hide his laughter behind Laura- before answering. "I've never seen one before."

Lila gasped as if I had committed a terrible crime and gripped my hand tightly in hers, dragging me towards the couch. "I'm going to show you the _best_ Disney movie. Do you know the story of Robin Hood? He's my favorite person, even though he isn't a person."

"Have fun," Clint encouraged before whispering something to Laura. Cooper walked over to the television after Lila asked him to turn the movie on for her. Clint and Laura walked into the kitchen, leaving me sitting in between two kids I'd just met to watch a movie I hadn't heard of.

* * *

Lila wasn't content to show me just one Disney movie, apparently. After Robin Hood ended, she showed me movies like Pocahontas, Tangled, The Lion King, The Jungle Book and Mulan. We took a break in between movies to sit down and eat dinner, and thankfully Clint's family easily accepted me into their conversations. Sooner than I had expected, it was as if they had known me their whole lives.

We watched one final movie after dinner, and then the kids were sent upstairs to get ready for bed. After watching them climb the stairs, Clint asked me to go with him to the front porch. It was much darker out here than in the city, reminding me of back in the day when there weren't so many lights constantly flickering during the night.

Both of us leaned against the white railing that wrapped around the front porch, and I crossed my ankles behind me, looking up at the stars that I hadn't seen in far too long.

"The kids love you," Clint commented, bumping his shoulder lightly against mine. "So does Laura. You're here for one day and already the kids were siding with you at dinner instead of their own dad."

"That was because you were clearly wrong!" I chuckled. "Pocahontas is _so_ not the most boring princess. The princess stories back in the thirties, now _those_ were boring princesses. Always sitting around, waiting for their prince to swoop in and save them. I'm glad women are sticking up for themselves these days."

Clint hummed in agreement, nodding his head. It was quiet for another minute or so before he spoke up again, tilting his head slightly in my direction. "Are you gonna tell me why you had me come pick you up all the way in D.C. last night?"

I sighed and relaxed my neck, hanging my head for a moment before plopping it into my hand, staring out over the empty landscape. "I took Steve to see some old friends of ours. It was supposed to be a perfect day. We drove out to D.C., visited with some of our old war buddies. he got to talk to Peggy after all these years. It was going really well. But then he..." I groaned and rubbed my face, getting flustered just thinking about it. "He told me that he loves me."

Clint let out a low whistle before he said anything else. "Damn. I didn't think it would take him so long."

I pushed myself off the railing and turned to stare at Clint, eyebrows furrowed in question. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said," he shrugged. "Come on, Annie. There's no way you didn't notice it earlier. Even for someone as lacking in common sense as you, it was pretty obvious."

"I do not lack common sense," I scoffed, crossing my arms defensively over my stomach. "And it _wasn't_ obvious."

"Jo. I owe Tony twenty bucks because he didn't admit it earlier."

"You _bet_ on when he would tell me?" I groaned, massaging my temples as I started to pace the porch. "Oh my god. It's happening all over again."

"Hey, calm down." Clint walked over to me and gripped my shoulders to stop me from fretting. "I brought you out here to relax, remember? Just take a few days to get over it, and whenever you think you're ready, I'll take you back to New York. Okay?" I didn't answer at first, taking some time to breathe and calm myself down before I nodded. "Okay then."

Clint laid a hand on my back to lead me back inside, directing me to where a guest room was. "I'll get you some of Laura's clothes to borrow in the morning and you can shower then too. Just go to bed, and I'll take care of everything else."

"Thanks," I mumbled. I wasn't one for showing my affection much, which would explain why Clint stiffened when I hugged him. It didn't take him long, however, to hug me back. It was short, but when I left Clint and walked into the bedroom, I felt a little better.

* * *

I ended up staying with Clint and his family for the better part of two weeks. Every day consisted of a new adventure, from being caught up on all the best new movies and shows by Lila and explaining how to pick up girls to Cooper- much to Laura's enjoyment and Clint's disapproval. One day he tried to show me how to use a bow and arrow, which ended with many lost arrows and the mutual agreement that I should stick to using guns.

Clint didn't ask about Steve again, for which I was extremely grateful. I found myself relaxing with his family in a way I hadn't been able to in a long time. Still, every night when I crawled into bed and away from the distractions of the day, my thoughts drifted to that moment in the parking lot. It all seemed surreal now, like if I was lucky I could pretend it was all a dream and Steve and I could stay simple friends.

I didn't know how to feel about Steve anymore. Everything seemed a million times more confusing. On one hand, being away from him for so long seemed harder than ever before. But on the other hand, I didn't really think I was ready to go back and face him again.

What would I even say next time I saw him? Let's pretend it never happened? Let's just stay friends? Nothing seemed right.

One night after dinner, I was helping Laura and Clint clean up the kitchen when his phone began to ring on the counter. He answered it with the same smile he'd been wearing since we arrived here. It was easy to see that he adored his family. "Hello? Oh, hey Nat. What's up?" The longer Clint listened to Natasha on the other line, the more his smile slowly disappeared. He looked at Laura and I before holding up one finger and walking out of the room. "He's going where?"

Laura and I looked at each other, both confused by what or who Natasha was talking about. She shrugged and continued piling dishes into the sink, so I decided to finish helping her before asking Clint what Natasha wanted to talk to him about.

When the dishes were washed and put away and the table had been cleaned, I went out to find where Clint had gone. It didn't take very long, considering he had only gone as far as a few steps off the back porch.

He was standing with his back to me, the phone in his right hand hanging down by his hip. "What did Natasha talk to you about?"

He glanced back at me over his shoulder before gesturing for me to join him. I walked out to his side, and judging by the way he was biting the inside of his cheek, I could tell he was debating whether or not to tell me what he knew.

Eventually, he decided to come out and say it. "Fury reassigned her to the Triskelion in D.C."

"Okay," I nodded once. "So... what? She won't be training me anymore?"

"No," he shook his head. "You don't really need any more training." He turned to face me. "That's not the problem."

"So what is?"

"Steve is going with her."

It took a minute for my brain to process what he was saying. "Wait," I chuckled humorlessly, holding my hands out uselessly in front of myself. "Why is Steve going with Nat to the Triskelion? He doesn't even work with SHIELD, that doesn't-"

"He took a job two weeks ago, apparently," Clint interrupted.

"Two weeks ago? But that was... He didn't tell me that."

"Probably because he had something more important on his mind." I sighed and took a step back from Clint, groaning with annoyance. That didn't stop him from finally spilling everything he must have been thinking for the past couple weeks, however. "Look, Jo. Steve is moving out to D.C. Do you know what that means? It means that he won't be around anymore. At least not next door."

I planted my hands on my hips, leaning my weight onto my left leg as I thought about what Clint was saying. "What are you getting at?"

"What I'm _getting at_ is that Steve is riding off into the sunset!" Clint waved his hand off towards the horizon, as if Steve was literally riding off just to the right of us. "Jo, Steve is moving forward. We have all been very patient with you, because we understand that you're still hurting from the past. And don't even try to tell me you're not, because I know you better than that by now. My point, Jo, is that the world is still turning. It's time for you to decide if you're going to move with it, or keep being miserable for the rest of your life."

I stared blankly at Clint for a minute, then shifted my eyes to the right to watch the metaphorical sunset. "You're right," I mumbled, not sure if he could even really hear me. Things could only get worse if I didn't make a choice- no matter what that choice was.

_But how I felt about Peggy and how I feel about you are two completely different feelings._

Steve was right. Everything now is completely different compared to how everything was back then. I'm the opposite of Peggy, and Steve is the opposite of Howard. "Oh, I'm such an idiot," I muttered to myself, slapping my hands against my temples and shaking my head. The longer I thought about it, the more it made sense.

Clint's farm had been the perfect escape, but I didn't need an escape right now. I needed to make a decision. I needed to pick a direction and start moving.

"You're right," I repeated a little louder as my heart started to beat a little harder. I could feel my body catching up to my mind, the adrenaline starting to kick everything into gear. "I need to move. I need to go do... something, _anything_." I turned to Clint, a small and confused grin working its way onto my face. "I need to borrow your car."

* * *

It took almost 14 hours, but eventually I made it back into Washington, D.C. I had no idea what I was doing, but that didn't matter to me right now. All that mattered was that I was moving, and that I didn't stop.

Thanks to everybody being so much less clueless than me, Natasha had the sense to give Clint Steve's new address, which he then relayed to me. Another half hour after I made it into D.C., I was pulling into the garage of his new apartment building and running through the lobby. There was no reason to rush except for the simple fact that if I stopped running, I wasn't sure I could convince myself to keep going. So I ran.

I skidded around the corner for the stairwell, deciding against using the elevator, and yanked the door open before hurrying up the steps. By the time I made it up to the fourth floor, I was panting and sweating, but I didn't care. I practically slammed into Steve's door when I spotted it, knocking furiously.

"I'm coming!" Steve called from inside, and I balled my hands into fists that I didn't know what to do with, so I glued them awkwardly to my sides. When he pulled the door open, I barely registered the shock that crossed his features before I stole his move of breaking down into a rambling fit.

"I don't do emotional outbursts. I'm... I'm not good at that. I'm not good at being honest about things- _especially_ not my feelings. So this... _thing_... we're doing? You know, you say you love me and I run away for two weeks? Yeah, that thing. I don't like that thing. And even though I do it a lot, I don't like running. I mean, metaphorically and physically, which you make me do both of, so thanks a lot for that."

I shook my hands and my head at the same time, taking a moment to clear my head before I continued. "There's a point to all this. My point is: You make me do things I don't want to do. I thought that was a bad thing, but really it's a good thing, because the things I don't want to do are things that I _should_ be doing. So you make me better, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. And I know that I'm hypocritical and selfish and have absolutely no common sense at all, but it's never really been a problem before, because I've always had other people there to make up for my faults. I never needed to be a good person as long as I was good at what I was doing.

"But now that's suddenly different, because I can't just lock myself up in my lab with Howard and shut out the rest of the world anymore. People expect things from me- _you_ expect things from me, and I thought that you were being selfish, but now I realize that _I _was being selfish. It's okay for you to expect things from me. And I'll just have to learn how to start delivering instead of shutting you out all the time.

"I realize now that I'm a lot slower than the world. Everyone keeps moving, and I've been obsessed with trying to keep still. I realize now that I can't keep still. So, as long as you're willing to be patient with me, maybe I can try to move now."

I took a deep breath and slapped my thighs upon releasing it, nodding to myself with satisfaction that I had managed to get out everything I wanted to say. Oh, right, almost everything!

"And I kind of just drove 15 hours to come tell you all that but I didn't really plan ahead, so I don't have any clothes or a place to stay or money or... anything. So." I patted his shoulder as I stepped inside his apartment, walking straight into the living room and dropping onto the couch with a loud sigh, closing my eyes as I snuggled into the cushions. "We can talk more after I take a nap, if that's cool with you, doll."

It took a minute, but eventually I heard the door close and Steve's soft footsteps cross behind the couch. "Yeah," he breathed quietly. "Yeah, that's cool with me."

I smiled and nodded. "Good talk."

* * *

**There's only one more chapter left in this story, as I've decided to continue Winter Soldier in the sequel. I hope you'll all enjoy it, and follow the sequel when I begin posting that as well. :)**


	34. Moving Forward

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Moving Forward**

I ended up sleeping straight through the night instead of taking a simple nap, indicated by the fact that when I woke up I could see the first rays of sunlight streaming through the small window across from my makeshift bed on the couch. That was the second thing I noticed- that Steve had given me a pillow and a cozy blanket at some point. _Steve._ Last night actually happened.

Pushing myself into a sitting position, I brushed my hair back out of my face and looked around the living room. Judging by the small amount of light the sun was giving off, it was probably only six or seven in the morning. If nothing else, I should have at least a few minutes to go over what I had gotten myself into before I had to confront Steve again. "Breathe," I whispered to myself. "You can do this."

The sound of a door clicking open debunked my theory, and my first instinct was to childishly duck under the blanket and hope he just forgot I was there. "No, stupid!" I mumbled, kicking the blanket to the other end of the couch to rid myself of the temptation. "No more running. Just say good morning, that'll work. Yeah, okay."

I could hear Steve walking in, so to keep myself from hiding, I stood from the couch and straightened out my rumbled clothing. Unsure of what to do with my hands, I locked my fingers together and fiddled nervously with my thumbs. When he rounded the corner, I smiled as best I could and waved half-heartedly. "Morning, Cap."

"You're freaking out," he immediately pointed out with an impish grin. I groaned and dropped my hands against my sides, completely out of ideas on how I was supposed to act in this situation. "Don't freak out. Just breathe."

"I'm breathing!" I almost shouted before taking deep, dramatic breaths. "See? Breathing!" When he started to chuckle, I pointed angrily at him and shook my head. "Don't laugh at me!"

He coughed to cover up his laughter, waving a hand dismissively. "Sorry, I'm not. I'm not laughing." It was quiet while I calmed myself down from my little episode, and soon enough the both of us were standing on opposite sides of the room in an awkward silence. Thankfully, I wasn't the one that had to start the conversation back up. "Why don't you go take a shower while I make breakfast?"

I nodded my agreement, and followed the directions he gave me to the bathroom while he made his way into the bedroom to find some clothes I could borrow. Once I was alone, I turned the shower on and stared at myself in the mirror while I waited for the water to heat up.

"What did you get yourself into?" I sighed, glaring at the tangled mess my hair had become during the night. There was definitely no turning back now. Whether I liked it or not, I was in this mess. Thinking back, I had never actually _said_ that I loved Steve during that whole... whatever it was last night.

"Maybe I should just practice," I suggested out loud. "No, that's stupid."

Annoyed and tired of talking to myself like a lunatic, I quickly undressed and stepped into the shower. The mellow warmth the water offered was a welcome relief to the tension that had been building over the last few weeks, and I simply stood under the water for a few minutes before actually washing my hair and body.

I didn't hear the door open, but when I stepped out of the shower there was a plain white t-shirt and gray sweatpants folded neatly on top of the sink. I dried off quickly before dressing and piling my hair up into a bun on top of my head in front of the mirror. Thanks to Steve being so much bigger than me, I had to roll the sweatpants up a few times to avoid stepping on the bottom of them and the shirt went almost to the middle of my thigh. After adjusting my clothes, I took one final deep breath before walking out into the living room.

The familiar smell of bacon permeated the air as I made my way into the kitchen where I saw Steve standing over the oven with his back to me. Maybe it was the shower, or maybe it was being given the time to think, but looking at him now didn't send me into a panic. Standing in the kitchen waiting for breakfast seemed as natural as it used to, back before everything became so overly complicated.

On Steve's left I saw two plates that already had eggs and toast on them, so I walked carefully behind him and picked the two plates up, smiling when he turned to look at me. "Feel better?" he asked, returning his eyes to the food he was still cooking.

"Much." I took the two plates over to the opposite counter where two bar stools sat in place of a dining table, placing the two dishes in front of the chairs before pivoting on my heel. "Where do you keep your silverware?"

"Last drawer on your left."

I finished setting the table with forks and napkins while he moved the bacon from the pan to our plates. I sat in the chair on the right against the wall and after putting the pan into the sink and filling two glasses full of cold water, Steve sat in the chair on my left. It was quiet at first while we ate. I'm not sure if Steve was trying to give me space or if he was just as confused as I was on what to do next, but at least I didn't have the overwhelming urge to run again.

"So," Steve started about halfway through the meal. "Last night."

"Last night," I repeated, pulling one leg up onto my stool and resting my chin against my knee. "What about it?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I thought about it for a minute before shrugging vaguely. "What's there to talk about?"

"Well." He set down his fork and twisted in his seat so that he was facing me. "You could start with what made you drive all the way out here- what changed your mind."

"You have Clint to thank for that." I copied his action of setting down my utensils, shifting my head so that my cheek was resting on my knee instead of my chin so I could look at him. "He reminded me that I can't keep feeling miserable about everything. Nothing is going to change what happened, so I might as well just suck it up and move on with my life."

Steve nodded a few times before raising his eyebrows slightly. "I didn't really take him as the type to be motivational like that."

"Yeah," I chuckled. "It was weird for me too."

"You didn't say it, you know."

"Yeah," I repeated with a sigh. "I know."

Steve's eyes drifted off to the side, and he looked like he was thinking for a minute. I watched him quietly, waiting patiently. "That's okay," he decided. "You don't have to say it. Not right now." He turned back to me with a playful smirk. "But things are different now, Jo. I'm not going to forget that last night happened, and I'm not going to forget what happened in the parking lot. And I'm going to say it."

I nodded slowly, rubbing my cheek against the soft material for a moment before lifting my head up and mimicking his teasing grin. "Say what?"

He chuckled and lifted his hand up to my cheek, hesitating for only a second before tracing the back of his knuckles down my cheek. The action was simple and sweet, something I wasn't used to, but something I thought I would definitely enjoy getting used to. "I love you."

"Right," I breathed. "That."

* * *

After staying in Steve's clothes and lazing around his apartment for a few days, we decided that it would probably be best if I moved to D.C. with him. It didn't seem like a big deal, moving in together. We had practically been living together since we met, even though we usually slept in different rooms.

So one week after I made my grand, romantic gesture as I had taken to calling it in my head, Steve drove back with me to New York to help pack my things up so we could bring them to D.C. I called Fury while Steve moved clothes from my closet into a cardboard box, considering how to explain to him that I was moving in with Steve and how to ask for a transfer to the Triskelion.

Luckily, he told me that Clint had already put the transfer request in for me and that everything was being taken care of work-wise. The conversation ended with him wishing me luck- which totally wasn't weird at all to hear from him, sarcasm intended- and telling me that I should probably thank Clint the next time I saw him.

With that taken care of, I returned to my bedroom to help Steve put my things away. While he finished packing the remnants of my clothes, I stripped the bed and pillows, folding all the sheets and putting them into a separate box. We moved from room to room, splitting up the work between the two of us along the way.

At one point we worked our way into the living room, where I still had my box of belongings from SHIELD and all the files on what had happened while we were frozen. I stared at the boxes for a long while before deciding to leave them alone for now and move on to emptying out the kitchen.

I couldn't forget about them forever, though. It took Steve and I a few hours, but we eventually had all of my things in boxes except the contents I'd left in the living room. "What do you want to do with these?" he asked, lifting the lid on one box and peeking inside.

"I have no idea," I sighed, tilting my head and glaring at the boxes, willing them to simply disappear. When that- obviously- didn't work, I shrugged. "The files can go back to SHIELD, I guess. I've read through most of them, and the others I know I won't ever touch. As for this," I kicked my box full of things lightly, "we can bring with us."

Steve nodded, picking up the boxes we would be bringing with us. Thankfully, I still had Clint's car since he had decided to remain at home for the time being, and we wouldn't have to make multiple trips with Steve's motorcycle to move everything.

Once everything was in the car, I went through the apartment one more time to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything important. I couldn't exactly say I was going to miss the place, considering I'd only been living there for a few months, but it still held quite a few memories. I knew Steve was waiting patiently in the car, so after I finished my final sweep, I left the apartment for the last time and walked all the way down to the garage.

I climbed into the passenger seat of the car, closing the door behind me with a loud thud. "Ready?" Steve asked, turning the keys to start up the engine.

I nodded, smiling at Steve before I leaned back comfortably in the leather seat. "Ready."

* * *

**Thank you all for reading the First Avengers! This is, sadly, the end of this story, but in no way the end of Jo's involvement in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.**

**There will be a sequel written for the Winter Soldier plotline called ****Lifespan****, and I'll post a new chapter on here to alert you when the first chapter to the sequel is posted.**

**I'm immeasurably thankful for all the love and support I've received throughout writing this fic, and I hope you'll all continue to follow this story for as long as it continues. :)**


	35. Keep Me Sane

I'm currently working on **Lifespan**, which is the sequel to **First Avengers**.

In the meantime, I've written a one-shot about Steve and Jo titled **Keep Me Sane** to hold you over until I'm able to start posting **Lifespan.** You can find it on my page.

Description:

Jo is woken in the middle of the night from yet another nightmare, but as always, Steve is there to keep her sane. One-shot. Set 3 months after the story First Avengers.


	36. Sequel

**The sequel to this story – Lifespan – has been posted! It can be found either on my profile or under Movies Captain America.**


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